Pre-TOEFL writing, You have received a gift money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? - rewrite -

Writing Topic: You have received a gift money. The money is enough to buy either a piece of jewelry you like or tickets to a concert you want to attend. Which would you buy? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

☆Let’s Think

For some students, jewelry might be something of their least interest, so replacing a piece of jewelry with a watch might help make comparisons of it with concert tickets. You can buy a piece of jewelry for either yourself or someone else. The word “tickets” is in the plural, which means that you can go to a concert with someone or some people.  宝石に実感がわかない場合、時計に置き換えて考えてみよう 

☆Sample Body Structures

Sample Body Structure A

【Good point 1】

【Good point 2】

【Why bad points do not matter】

An old TV advertisement catch phrase was “memory rather than material” and I totally agree with the idea. Given the choice between a piece of jewelry and tickets to a concert, I would definitely buy the latter. It will transform my mind and helps share joy with my friend.  物より思い出

A good concert enthralls the audience. Listening to a live performance by an artist you like profoundly affects your spirit. It’s a different experience from what you go through listening to a digital form. For example, when I came out of a concert of my favorite group, I was literally someone else. All the stress of everyday living was gone because of the encounter of a unique world of pure minds. The experience gave me energy to live. A concert helps you see your life in positive ways.

魂に影響、デジタルとは異なる経験 （人を変える  ストレス解消  生きる力）人生を肯定させてくれる

Going to a concert with your friend will help deepen the relationship. It gives you chances to interact with your friend in different ways than usual. All the interactions from making the arrangement to waiting in a line together in front of the venue before the doors open, to exchanging smiles during the show and going home together talking about the show will strengthen the bond.

友達との仲が深まる  （普段と違う交流  予約時・開場前・演奏中の交流・帰宅時等で絆強化）

It is true that a concert is not a concrete thing like a piece of jewelry, but a good experience will not disappear but stay in your mind forever.  宝石のように形はないが心に永久に残る

Going to a concert helps enrich your life. This is a trick that an object cannot do. Therefore, I would rather go to a concert with my friend than buy a jewel if I received some money. 人生を豊かにする

Sample Body Structure B

【In the case of jewelry】

【In the case of a concert】

【My choice and the reason】

A precious stone might have many meanings to other people, but it is just a stone to me for now. On the other hand, I find tickets to a concert invaluable. I would certainly buy tickets to a concert, not a piece of jewelry, if I have received a gift money. 宝石は自分にとってはただの石

A piece of jewelry would be a reminder of the person who gave you the gift money to buy it. You can use a piece of jewelry repeatedly while you can use tickets to a concert only once. By wearing the jewelry, you can show your affection to the person who gave it to you. In the case of giving the jewelry to someone, you can make the person happy for two reasons: the joy of owning a good piece of accessory and the joy of receiving a good jewel from someone she or he likes, which makes you even happier.

宝石はくれた人の思い出 何度も使える 身に付けることにより感謝を示す 誰かに贈れば2倍喜ばせる

A good concert gives you a life-time memory. You can share the memory with the person you went to the concert with. If the concert is a famous one, you could share the experience with people all over the world on the related website even when you become old. コンサートは一生の思い出  年とってから話題にできる

Using the money for tickets is sharing joy with others while buying a piece of jewelry only satisfies the desire to possess something good unless you get it for someone else. As I have no one that I want to please by giving a gem to, I would spend the gift money to go to a concert with my friend. コンサートは他の人と楽しさを分かち合えるが宝石は（他人にあげる以外は）自己満足  宝石を贈る相手がいないので友達とコンサート

I would buy tickets to a concert because I would like to have a good time with my friend.友達と楽しみたい

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction - Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion – Wrap-up】