Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 feedback to peer feedbacks

I object to the plagiarism report from peer 1. I tested my draft with smallseotools.com   and made sure all matching sentences are in my own blog, in which I put the same draft and keep revising it.  However, peer 1's advice about quoting the sources was very useful. Also, I appreciate peer 2 for pointing out the punctuation mistake in the first paragraph.

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 Spelling

Getting old, I noticed that spellings I learned unconsciously or by writing down easily slip my mind while those I learned by analyzing stay in my mind. By analyzing, I mean breaking down a word into segments based on the meaning or the sound. Sadly, I learned most spellings in the former way. Oh, and of course, the more often you use a word, the more you remember the spelling.

British and American spelling

There are several areas in which British and American spelling are different. These differences often come about because British English has tended to keep the spelling of words it has absorbed from other languages, such as French, while American English has adapted the spelling to reflect the way that the words actually sound when they are spoken. If you are writing for British readers, you should only use British spellings. In some cases, the American spellings are acceptable in British English as well. Above all, it’s important to stick to one style or the other throughout the same piece of writing.

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 Draft for My Final Project

( try to keep it under 750 work）

My First Draft

Reasons for worries about coming to work in Japan

On December the 25th, 2018, what those interested in staying in Japan would take as a big Christmas present was made. A regal reform made that day allows foreign blue-color workers up to a 5-year stay plus permanent residency under certain conditions, However, there are reasons to be skeptical. For decades, Japan has depended on foreigners for low-paying labor without guaranteeing them decent life and status, much less citizenship, and the problem is in the attitude rather than in the law.

The Japanese government has rejected immigrants and foreign workers except for political refugees and elite white-collar workers until now. Meanwhile, the working population started shrinking about 25 years ago because of low birth rates and aging. Companies started to go bankrupt due to labor shortage. Then they started hiring foreigners, mostly foreign trainees and students, who are allowed to work for a certain amount of time.

As of 2017, foreigners accounted for almost 2 percent of the workforce and the number is increasing. Many foreign workers are forced to work overtime under poor conditions for low wages. Harassment exists as well. More foreign workers die at work than Japanese workers do. Trainees owe more than 10,000 dollars to the brokers for the expenses to come to Japan, and 26,000 foreign workers have disappeared over the last 5 years. There are even suicides. An American governmental organization monitoring human trafficking, Amnesty International, the United Nations, and the Japan Federation of Bar Associations have expressed concern. In this context, this immigration policy change was made. It was long overdue, and therefore you cannot be too careful in taking advantage of it.

The government has not have a full-fledged immigration plan even though it has suddenly veered towards multi-ethnicity with this legal revision and the reality precedes the awareness of the public. For example, foreign workers are not allowed to bring their family with them, which is in itself inhumane, but regulations cannot stop people from having families anyway. Children of foreign descent have multiplied over the past 10 years and now there are approximately 70,000, speaking 30 different languages. The board of education dispatches interpreters to schools but the number is limited. The language barrier interferes with these children's education.To make matters worse, this island country is xenophobic and nationalistic There is a long history of discrimination against Chinese and Korean residents. Prejudice against black people is strong.

In addition, bullying is part of the structure of this country. Japan may be known for its civil nationality that prioritizes harmony among community members. It is true. Crime rates are low. The public is polite and gentle. However, the peaceful surface hides the undercurrent full of stress, which is directed to the vulnerable. It is easy to imagine that foreign workers from developing countries on debt become the scapegoats. Even though there are laws on working hours, minimum wages, and other basic rights for foreign workers, many employers abuse foreign employees. They are punished if found, but that compensates for little since by that time, the victims have been mentally and physically hurt.

Another bad news is mechanization. Blue-color workers' jobs are being replaced by robots and AI. The skills they acquire in Japan might be obsolete when they return. They can end up as global migrant workers for low-skill jobs. The knowledge about the Japanese language and culture can be an advantage to work for a company related to Japan, but the positions are limited since Japanese is a minor language. Thus, those who plan to work in Japan for five years and go home with money and skills should rethink it.

Compared to the past, foreign workers will be treated more fairly thanks to the legal change. However, most of the population are not ready for a multi-cultural society, and the current government policy has yet to guarantee foreign workers their rights to pursue happiness. Therefore, life in Japan may not be as fruitful as the work abroad pitch sounds.

Comments from peers

I test plagiarism with and there are 6% of plagiarism. Sources should be quoted especially with precise data in order to check them.

PEER 2 - EXCELLENT

It's a good draft. It has good and valuable information about the subject. It explains every topic clearly.

I notice that this draft, except for the first paragraph which is not very clear because of bad punctuation, is clear and interesting. Especially, the introduction catches our attention. In addition, the vocabulary is rich and varied. The outline is clear and the connections between paragraphs and sentences are good. Examples are relevant and ideas are very interesting. We are well-informed about the context of this issue.

PEER 2

For reference:
-Missing 26,000 in 5 years, isn't it abnormal?,  Tomohiko Nakamura, 2018
https://news.yahoo.co.jp/byline/nakamuratomohiko/20181106-00103150/

-The current situation and problems in education of foreign children, the Education Ministry, 2016 (the 28th year of Heisei)
http://www.bunka.go.jp/seisaku/kokugo_nihongo/kyoiku/todofuken_kenshu/h28_hokoku/pdf/shisaku03.pdf

-Curation of reports on employment situations of foreign workers, the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications, 2017 (the 29th year of Heisei)
https://www.mhlw.go.jp/file/04-Houdouhappyou-11655000-Shokugyouanteikyokuhakenyukiroudoutaisakubu-Gaikokujinkoyoutaisakuka/7584p57g.pdf

-「日本語指導が必要な子ども」4万人以上に―指導体制追い付かず、1万人の子どもが無支援状態  Iki Tanaka
https://news.yahoo.co.jp/byline/tanakaiki/20170614-00072060/

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 Grammar Tips and Wordiness

How I learn grammar: In my high school years, I made notebooks with all the  sentences in the grammar book on the left and their translations on the right. I learned them by heart and I still use them in my writing and speech. I now also try to make my own sentence when I learn a new grammatical rule.

Wordiness:

• Trying to sound too formal or academic. Unfortunately, in academic and business writing, there are a lot of examples of wordy writing. This doesn't mean you have to model your writing on bad examples. Your readers will always appreciate if you state your ideas clearly, using no more words than necessary.
• Not knowing more precise vocabulary. For example, saying, She ran quickly to the store can be made less wordy, and more precise, by saying: She raced to the store (race=run quickly). Finding the right vocabulary can help you cut down the number of words you use. Every reduction helps, even if it's only a word or two.
• Using too many unnecessary and vague modifiers. Modifiers like really, very, quite, and similar words add no meaning to your writing. If you need to modify a word, find precise modifiers. For example, instead of "There's a really tall building near my house," write: "There's a 50-story building near my house."  
• Using too many prepositional phrases or possessives. These types of phrases can add length to your sentences, often unnecessarily. So, instead of The car belonging to Mr. Wang is in the garage [10 words], write: Mr. Wang's car is in the garage [7 words].

Wordy	Concise
based on the fact that	because
despite the fact that	although
in the event that	if
at the present time	now
until such a time as	until
on a weekly basis	weekly
it is often the case that	often
have the ability to	can
during the course of	during
take under consideration	consider
to be of the opinion	to think
to make reference to	to refer to
in the final analysis	finally

1. Look for any of the phrases from this table and write them more succinctly.
2. Look for places where you use modifiers, such as adjectives or adverbs. Consider whether the modifier adds important information. If it doesn't, remove it or change it to be more precise. If you keep the modifier, ask if there is a more precise single-word vocabulary item that expresses the same meaning as the word + modifier.
3. Look at any sentences in your writing that seem long. Determine if there are ways to cut the length of the sentence.
4. Read your sentences out loud, one by one. Sometimes wordiness reveals itself when you hear it rather than see it.
5. Don't use a passive verb construction when active would be better. Instead of writing The bill was paid by us, write: We paid the bill.
6. Eliminate unnecessary personal commentary. Often, phrases like I believe, I think, I just want to emphasize, etc. are not needed to make your point.

It takes time to recognize wordiness in your own writing. However, the process will pay off--your writing will become much easier to read, or rather, your writing will be more readable.

Exercise: Correcting Wordiness

［Every single time］→ Every time ［I had to do a writing assignment, ］→I had a writing assignment, I was ［always really unhappy and miserable］→ unhappy. ［Due to my complete lack of confidence as well as  my total inability to express ideas of mine on paper ］→ Because I was not confident and unable to express my ideas, I believed that I had to work ［almost twice as hard as］→ twice as hard as ［any other student in this world］→any other student. This included spending ［hours and hours］→hours ［looking at a blank page and spending more hours editing］→looking at a blank page and editing ［essays of mine］→ my essay, ［just to make sure］→ to make sure ［I had really appropriate content, organization, and grammar］→ the content, organization, and grammar were appropriate. Since English was not my first language, I was concerned that I would not do ［so very well］→ very well at the university. When I entered ［the class offered by College Writing］→ the College Writing class, everything changed ［in a positive way］→ positively  ［due to the fact that］→ because my writing skills increased throughout the semester.

［In the beginning of the semester］→ At first, I had a lot of trouble with ［my first couple of essays］→ my essays; however, with ［careful analysis, patience, and my will to succeed］→ careful analysis, patience, and will to succeed, I started to write essays that I was ［quite proud of］→ proud of. I learned that if I could relate ［any topic of any essay］→ the essay topic with my personal experience, ［I believed that these essays were truly good and would submit it to my instructor］→the essays were good enough to submit to my instructor.

Checking wordiness in my draft of the draft of the final journal

This year, the Japanese government decided to accept more foreign workers from abroad. While it may seem good for foreigners interested in working in Japan as well, this is actually problematic. The government is trying to solve the labor shortage problem without guaranteeing human rights, much less citizenship. The government should make a real policy for foreign workers.

Over the past half a century, the Japanese government has accepted neither immigrants nor foreign workers except for political refugees and elite white collar workers. Meanwhile, the working population started shrinking about 25 years ago because of low birth rates and aging. Companies started to go bankrupt due to labor shortage. Then they started to hire foreign workers using loopholes. They have been hiring foreign trainees and students, who are allowed to work for a certain amount of time. They have also used those who have overstayed a visa and/or married Japanese.

As of 2017, foreigners account for almost 2 percent of the workforce. Many of them are forced to work overtime under poor conditions for low wages. Harassment exists as well. A large number of foreign workers commit suicide or disappear every year.

What the government has decided to do this year is to increase the number of the trainees. It has no intention to have a foreign labor law in place.

What is worse, the society has been xenophobic and nationalistic There is a long history of discrimination against Chinese and Korean residents. Prejudice against black people is strong.

Some communities are more liberal and tolerant. A few public schools in Tokyo support children of foreigners in their language acquisition. A community has successfully communicated and built good relationship with foreign residents by inviting them to traditional events and community meetings.
The global society demands that Japan accept more immigrants from the global society, while the way immigrants are treated will influence the welfare of the domestic society. 

Foreign workers and immigrants are not just economic refugees but also assets. They will reproduce the country and evolve the cultures. Therefore, they should be welcomed and their rights should be protected. However, the current government policy on foreign workers will treat them badly. (365 words)

My first draft had 433 words, so the new one has 78 fewer words.

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 How I start writing / Interviewing my topic

How I star writing
I start writing by analyzing the writing topic. By reading the writing topic carefully, I can understand the key idea of the topic. Then I try to relate the key idea  to what I know. (If I do not know much about the key idea, I'll do research on it, if possible.) This will help me come up with the main idea of my writing. Analyzing the writing topic also helps me avoid digression. When I think of points to make, I try to come up with points from the opposite stand. For example, if I agree with the statement in a writing topic, I try to come up with the reasons to disagree with the statement and vice versa. If you deal with both points in the writing, the wring will be more convincing. And you can write a lot more than when you do not!

20 Questions

If you are doing a standard essay, it may seem odd to interview a topic, but imagine that your topic is a person. Pretend to be that person, and answer these interview questions. You may not be able to answer all of them, but do as many as you can.

1. What is your full name? Do some people know you by a different name? I am immigration policy or migration policy.
2. How does the dictionary or encyclopedia define you? Immigration is the action of coming to live permanently in a foreign country. Migration is movement from one part of something to another.
3. When were you born? What were the circumstances? I was born eons ago. Everything in this world, including animals, migrated. Immigration is also as old as human history. It started when Homo sapiens left Africa towards Europe and Middle East.
4. Are you still alive? If not, how did you come to an end? I'm still alive. With globalization, I am on the increase.
5. What group do you belong to? How are you like others in your group? 
6. Can you be divided into parts? How? I can be divided into living in a foreign country temporarily and living there forever.
7. Were you different in the past? How? Immigrants and migrants were rare in Japan in the past.
8. Will you be different in the future? How? I will thrive in the future because Japan needs workforce from other countries,
9. Do you ever feel misunderstood? I do. Many think I am dangerous.
10. What is your purpose? I want to make money because my home country is poor. I also want to learn Japanese so that I can find a good job when I get home.
11. What are you similar to? Why do you say that? I am similar to winds. I say it because winds change the air of the place to refresh the environment bringing something new and taking something away. Immigration and migration do the same to the society they occur.
12. What are you different from? Why do you say that?
13. What or whom are you better than? In what ways?
14. What or whom are you inferior to? In what ways?
15. When people talk about you, what do they say? They say I jeopardize their lives by taking away their jobs.
16. Should I know any facts or statistics about you? I account for almost 2 percent of the Japanese workforce as of 2017.　The number is 2.56 million.
17. Is there someone I should talk to about you--an expert, for example? I would like you to talk to lawyers whose expertise is human rights related to foreign workers.
18. Are there any famous sayings or quotes about you?
19. Have there been any stories about you in the news? Tons. There have been news about exploitation of foreign workers.
20. Should I do more research about you? You need to do more research about me because this issue will continue as the Japanese society keeps aging.

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 Thinking about the audience

Imagine you need to borrow some money to buy books for a class you're taking. It's not a large amount of money, but you really need to borrow it so you can do your class work. Now, write a message to each of the following people to ask for the money:

1. Your parents or a close older relative

Hi, Mom,

How are you doing? I'm fine. I have got the top score for the first term. Now I'm starting the next semester, but there is a minor problem. The professor added a few books we use in class at the last minute, and as you know I am in short of money around this time of the month. It is not much, just $30, but I do not have it. I' m sorry to bother you, but could I borrow the money till the end of this month, when I get payed for tutoring.

B. Your brother, sister, or best friend

Hi, Risa,I

Would you do me a favor? It just happens that I need some money to buy books for my class and I'm broke right now. Would you lend me 30 bucks? I really need the books.  I'll pay the money back to you by the end of this month. Sorry for the trouble.

C,The school's financial aid department

To those who are concerned,

I am writing this message to request some additional expenditure.

I have taken this course for six months and have finished the first half with a top score, and I was ready to take the latter half of this course by purchasing books designated for the course. However, a few books are added to the list at the last moment, and I am in trouble now. Because of the financial difficulty of my family, I am on grant and work as a tutor. The monthly payment for both will be the end of the month but the class starts next week. Therefore, I have no other choice but to ask for a short term financial aid for the purchase of the books. The total amount of the price of the books I need to buy is $30.00. If you would lend me this amount, I would appreciate it.

Yours sincerely,

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing What I have learned from this course

Week 1

-I have learned that my writing is wordy. I tend to make a sentence uselessly long.

-I also learned that I lack vocabulary, which also contributes to my wordiness.

Week 2

-I have learned that I am rather pessimistic and negative, because in the tone exercise, no one seemed to have problem with my pessimistic paragraph while someone found the last part of the optimistic paragraph slightly slides into the pessimistic tone.

-I have learned that I have been writing mixtures of different tones. By consciously writing in different tones in tone exercise and having trouble with it, I found it.

Week 3
-I have learned that receiving other people's views is worth more than ten year's of lone study.
-I have relearned that I am not an expert for anything, and so I have not enough information to write about a social issue.

Week 4
-I have learned that my spellings are very bad.

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 2 Connotations, Example Sentences

Week 2 Connotations: lackadaisical attitude, etc.

discussion posted 2 months ago by NorikoSasaki

1. Listening to good music in a relaxed atmosphere with my beloved is one of my best memories.
2. He said Eric Clapton was laid-back, but I found both of them sensitive and nervous.
3. The lackadaisical attitudes of the students were gone the moment I told them I would put a sticker on the worksheet with at least ten sentences although I knew they knew that I would reward every one of them anyway.
4. The poor are not lazy but too devastated to be active.
5. Some people regard the easy-going lifestyle of hippies as an anathema.

This post is visible to everyone.

1 response

1. LindaMMitchell

   2 months ago

   Great, well-thought out sentences!
   1. Thank you very much! It took a while for me to work on them. (I'm sorry for my late response. I did not know how the discussion notification works till now.)

      posted about a month ago by NorikoSasaki
   2. I enjoyed reading your submissions.

      posted about a month ago by Lara_Mitchell
   3. Thank you for taking a look at my post. I am glad you enjoyed them.

      posted about a month ago by NorikoSasaki

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 3 Journal 3 (Draft for Draft of My Final Project)

discussion posted 18 days ago by NorikoSasaki

First I thought I was going to write a movie review, but now I would like to write about a social issue as follows.

(Discarded Idea: I am going to write a movie review. It is going to be about the same movie I wrote about in Journal 2, Fahrenheit 11/9. I'd like to make specific descriptions of the three points made in it: the causes of the surprising 2016 US Presidential election result, the situation the United States has had since Trump administration started, and what might happen in the future.)

New Idea: I would like to write about the Japanese immigration policy.

Draft of Draft: This year, the Japanese government decided to accept more foreign workers from abroad. While it may seem good for those in other countries thinking about working abroad as well, this is actually problematic. The government is trying to solve the labor shortage problem without giving foreign workers decent life and status, much less citizenship. The government should have a real immigration policy.

Over the past half a century, the Japanese government has accepted neither immigrants nor foreign workers except for political refugees and elite white collar workers. Meanwhile, the working population started shrinking about 25 years ago because of low birth rates and aging. Companies started to go bankrupt due to labor shortage. Then they started to hire foreign workers using loopholes. They have been using government-sponsored foreign trainees and foreign students, who are allowed to work for a certain amount of time. There have also been foreign workers who have overstayed and/or married Japanese.

Now, foreigners account for about 2 percent of the workforce. Very often, these people are forced to work overtime under poor conditions for low wages. Harassment exist as well. A large number of foreign workers commit suicide or disappear every year.

What the government has decided to do this year is to increase the number of the trainees. It has no intention to have a real immigration law and foreign labor law in place.

What is worse, the society has a xenophobic and nationalistic past, and present. There is a long history of discrimination against Chinese and Korean residents. Many Japanese speak as if they are speaking to a child when they have conversation with a foreigner in Japanese. Prejudice against black people is strong.

Some Individuals and communities might be more liberal and tolerant. A few public schools in Tokyo support children of foreigners in their language acquisition. A community has successfully communicated and built good relationship with foreign residents by inviting them to traditional events and community meetings. Businesses are more open than public feelings. Duty-free signs are everywhere. Halal food restaurants are on the increase. Even a rahmen shop that serves noodles without ingredients prohibited in Islam.

The global society demands that Japan accept more immigrants from the global society, while the way immigrants are treated will influence the welfare of the domestic society.

Foreign workers and immigrants are not just economic refugees but also assets. They will reproduce the country and evolve the cultures. Therefore, they should be welcomed and their rights should be protected. However, the current government policy on foreign workers will cause more violation of human rights and slavery than now.

reference: Aberrant on-the-job training system in Japan - 36,000 missing in 5 years, Tomohiko Nakamura, professor of economics at Kobe International University https://news.yahoo.co.jp/byline/nakamuratomohiko/20181106-00103150/

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 3 Marginalia & Specific Example

This discussion: embodiment of e-marginalia

1. What was the main idea of the article? The main idea of the article is that electronic readers can enhance the joy of reading experience by making it possible for millions of readers to share their marginalia online.
2. What was your opinion of the article? I'm impressed with the author's insight that marginalia-sharing will thrive again thanks to the development of technology and that it will give us more extraordinary experience than what people in the 18th century experienced from marginalia-sharing. Probably someone might have already written the same thing, but what we are doing right now is exactly what the author hopes for, sharing ideas about the same text with many others online. I find it wonderful and enjoyable. It also makes me read and learn more than when I read and learn alone. (If I may go further, the author's idea reminded me of a fantasy written in Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari: all human consciences combined with AI and fused into an entity of unknown state of intelligence .)
3. Was there any part of the article you didn't understand? I didn't really get the feel of the expression "roll around in the text" Is it talking about enjoying reading as if the person is playfully rolling around the floor with a pet dog or something? Or is it that the author wants marginalia shared online to make the reader crack up and figuratively roll around in the text? Well, it seems so.
4. Was there any part of the article you disagreed with? In some cases, the plastic strips for marginalia-sharing in the eighth paragraph, the gadget*s* the author daydreams about after his friend's positive response to sharing his marginalia, would be better than the public note*-*sharing function for Kindle because it is more personal and intimate.
5. Did you take notes on the article? How did your note-taking confirm (or not confirm) the main idea of the reading? Yes, I took notes on the article after underlining main ideas. Because I was able to see the written notes, that is, main ideas of the paragraphs**put in my own words, I was able to confirm the main idea **of the whole text more easily and clearly than when I depend only on underlined text.

Parts in bold letters are parts I revised after I read comments.

1. What was the main idea of the article? The main idea of the article is that electronic readers can enhance the joy of reading experience by making it possible for millions of readers to share their marginalia online.

2. What was your opinion of the article? I'm impressed with the author's insight that marginalia-sharing will thrive again thanks to the development of technology and that it will give us more extraordinary experience than what people in the 18th century experienced from marginalia-sharing. Probably someone might have already written the same thing, but what we are doing right now is exactly what the author hopes for, sharing ideas about the same text with many others online. I find it wonderful and enjoyable. It also makes me read and learn more than when I read and learn alone. (If I may go further, the author's idea reminded me of the future human intelligence hooked up to computer in which all human consciousness is combined with AI and fused into an entity of unknown state of intelligence written in Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari.)

3. Was there any part of the article you didn't understand? I didn't really get the feel of the expression "roll around in the text" Is it talking about enjoying reading as if the person is playfully rolling around the floor with a pet dog or something? Or is it that the author wants marginalia shared online to make the reader crack up and figuratively roll around in the text? Well, it seems so.

4. Was there any part of the article you disagreed with? In some cases, the plastic strips for marginalia-sharing in the eighth paragraph, the gadget the author daydreams after his friend's positive response to sharing his marginalia, would be better than public note sharing function for Kindle because it is more personal and intimate.

5. Did you take notes on the article? How did your note-taking confirm (or not confirm) the main idea of the reading? Yes, I took notes on the article after underlining main ideas. Because I was able to see the written notes, that is, main ideas put in my own words, I was able to confirm the main idea more easily and clearly than when I depend only on underlined text.

Rewrite: My friend is a good driver.

discussion posted about a month ago by NorikoSasaki

My friend drives a car so smoothly that her friend sitting in the backseat with her eyes closed seldom notices when the car takes a turn or stops.

This post is visible to everyone.

1 response

1. GuillemVaquer

   about a month ago

   That is really smooth... more hyperbolic than specific, maybe?
   1. Thank you GullemVaquer. You really make me learn. Well, I have suspected that I tend to exaggerate things, sometimes almost to the point of a lie. Well, this one is almost true, but not exactly. Does using "seldom" or "almost never" instead of "never" make the sentence less hyperbolic? (Never say never. Is that it?) I guess "hardly" instead of "never" makes the sentence better.

      posted about a month ago by NorikoSasaki
   2. Your precise and specific revision is good. I believe your sentence is more powerful without the asterisks. Good luck.

      posted about a month ago by mindrun2
   3. Thank you, mindrun2!

      posted about a month ago by NorikoSasaki
   4. I'm learning from your comments. Thanks

      posted about a month ago by Josefcogra
   5. You're welcome. I'm glad to be of help. Thank you, too, Josefcogra!

      posted about a month ago by NorikoSasaki