TOEFL, iBT, Independent Writing, It is truly enjoyable to play a game only if you win. / Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

A: Consider the following statement. It is truly enjoyable to play a game only if you win. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Support your response by including specific reasons and examples.

☆Let’s think

Points in questions:

1) "It is ..."→An objective opinion is required.

2) "truly enjoyable" →It is asking whether you can enjoy a game from the bottom of your heart. 

3) "only if you win" →There are no exceptions. You can never enjoy a game unless you win.

- What is a game? For what purpose do you play a game?

    To kill time, to have fun with others, to release stress, to be inspired, to try your luck

--You play a game　for many reasons other than to win.

- What is truly enjoyable?

     attaining a goal (e.g. winning, having fun)

     gaining something expected (e.g. closer relationship, feeling refreshed)

     gaining something unexpected (e.g. kindness, learning something, seeing someone extraordinary)

     --Many things other than winning are truly enjoyable.

- Is there anything that makes you say to yourself, “Well, I had a really good time!” after a game you lost?

     Your best friend won. / The winner won in an amazing way. / The atmosphere was great, everyone smiling and being considerate to others. / You have got something important during the game like a new friend or information. / You were not concerned about winning or losing from the beginning.

     -- A game can be really enjoyable even if you lose.

- Conclusion: Disagree. Playing a game can be enjoyable even if you do not win because a game is an entertainment, whose purposes are not just to win.

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Main Idea = Outline】Disagree　

Reasons: 1) for fun    2) joy of improvement     3) more enjoyable things than winning

【Point 1】Games are for fun.   e.g.to kill time, to spend time with family or friends

【Point 2】Playing a game involves joy of improvement   e.g. gamers

【Point 3 or Counterargument treatment】It is true that winning is usually more enjoyable than just having fun or learning something, but more enjoyable things than winning can happen during a game. 　e.g. a great performance

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】Many other factors to make us truly enjoy ourselves than winning. It cannot be said that it is truly enjoyable to play a game only if you win

Your one paragraph essay

【Main Idea = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 or Counterargument treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions

Humans have had many kinds of games since ancient times and there seem to be many reasons for our fascination with this activity. I disagree with the statement that it is truly enjoyable to play a game only if you win. I think gams are for fun, development and more, not just for winning.

First of all, we play games to have fun. We play games to kill time, to release stress, or to spend time with others. When you feel empty or stressed out, you take out a game machine, play it for a while, and feel good whether you lose or win. Games are also used to promote good companionship. At a party, for example, a game helps people laugh and talk, both winners and losers enjoying themselves. Probably it is precisely because games are not to win but for fun that people enjoy them.

Also, playing a game involves joy of improvement. Humans, like other animals, have desire for learning something new and fulfilling this desire is a great joy of life. A game makes you lose more often than it lets you win, and you will be absorbed in gaining new skills and improving yourself by trial and error. What makes games enjoyable is not only reaching the top but the process.

Last but not least, more enjoyable things than winning can happen during a game. There could be a moment of delight comparable to nothing in a game. There could be a great player or an incredible play. Olympians often express joy of witnessing superb performances of the medalists. A miracle goal at the last moment in an amateur soccer game would make all the participants excited and have them talk about it even years later. A mindset of not being able to truly enjoy a game without winning is one that has lost the essence of enjoying games.

It is true that winning a game can give us a greater joy than just having fun or learning new skills. However, difference in degrees does not deny the authenticity of the less in degree. Winning is an extra delight in playing a game. There are many factors to make us truly enjoy ourselves than winning in games. Therefore, it cannot be said that it is truly enjoyable to play a game only if you win. A mindset that does not allow one to truly enjoy games other than winning them is one that has lost sight of the essence of enjoying games.

 (417 words)

Writing Topic B: Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 ☆Hints for Points

Agree:

1.    Literacy and wealth are related. 

The higher the literacy rate is, the wealthier the country is.

              past → now,  developing →developed

2.    Development of technology allows/requires you to be involved in more intellectual tasks than physical ones.

       entrance examinations - more essay examinations

       business – automatization and robotization, more need for  research and presentation skills

3.    Information age

       getting information through the Internet (not from people)

       exchanging information through scripts (e-mails/text messages)

       extra information in writing (scripts on TV screens)

- Conclusion: Yes. The ability to read and write is more important today than in the past for us to get the most out of our lives in this age of information.

Disagree:

1.    More people can spell less than before and they relate this decline to the new technology prevalent in today’s society, while the same people find few problems in dealing with things that commonly happen every day. “I write only when I sign for my credit card.”

2.    Human culture has evolved along with technological development. Just as the ability to make fire is unnecessary anymore with all kinds of lighters around us, so is the ability to read and write now that we have developed technology for it. We can think and communicate more freely while machines read and write for us.

3.    Thought is always the most important and the ability to read and write is just a ramification of it. Steven Hawkins, the most famous scholar of universe, has been barely able to read and write over the past decades, yet he has made greater accomplishment than any other human. The ever more important today is the ability to think and feel.

- Conclusion: No. Reading and writing is just a part of human intellectual activity like calculation. Our lives have been filled with many more important things than literal things. The ability to read and write has just a marginal importance now as it has always been.

☆Essay Structure

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

GRE writing, a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College - unfinished -

Material:

The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Part of Response (Body Paragraphs):

The first evidence necessary to evaluate the argument that Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories is the data that confirms the prediction that Buckingham’s enrollment will double over the next 50 years. Specifically, increase-decrease rates of the Buckingham College over the past decades are at least necessary. If the change has been lasting long enough to expect the rapid increase for another 50 years, the prediction cannot be dismissed. However, if the same kind of sudden alteration followed by a plateau or slump happened in the past, then more cautious watch of the trend might be needed. Also, the enrollment number prediction should be made with overall demography change in the areas that prospective students live in in mind. 50 years is a long span of time, which includes more than 30-years for uncertain numbers of unborn college-bounds. If there are  rapid increases of birth rates in the areas supported by some facts that ensure the trend will last for the nest 50 years such as development plans in the areas would strengthen the prediction.

Next, whether the increase of students who choose to live in the dorms is in proportion to the increase of enrolment or not should be confirmed. In other words, if the kind of students that tend to prefer to live in the dormitory is on the increase, the addition of dormitory complex is to be considered seriously. If the subset that enters the dormitory is a fixed number of subgroup of the entire students at college, like international students whose acceptance is limited under the present college policy, the proportional increase of dorm-choosers cannot be expected. Also, the trend of the college lifestyle and economic situation would be elements that should be investigated. If affluent students who would like to live in an apartment off campus are the increasing component of the entire college population, new dorm rooms would become redundant, while the number of working students who do not live with their parents are the major part of the new students, and the economic situation underscores the prediction that this trend continues, the argument will be strengthened.

The next verification would be on the assumption that students would find difficulty in finding off-campus housing. Confirmation of the absence of the plans to build reasonable apartment complex for students turning negative will strengthen the argument. Also, trends and forecast on rents around the university should be taken into consideration to see if the apartment rents in the area are likely to remain the same level in the next 50 years. If the real estate is on the downward trend in the area, the argument will become less convincing.

The assumption that attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham should be taken with a grain of salt. If there are surveys providing data related to the causal relation between new dormitories and enrollment rates, analysis should be made to prove it. There are many elements in choosing a university to attend, and housing may not be on the top of the prospective students’ priority list.

早稲田国際教養AO入試 “Unbeatable” Locks and the Era of “Perfect Security”

解答のポイント

主題 絶対に破れない鍵はない。治安維持には社会秩序が必要だ。現在、鍵は社会秩序を象徴している。

本文該当箇所  １）タイトル“Unbeatable” Locks and the Era of “Perfect Security”「破れない鍵」と「完全な安全」の時代２）第1段落 But in the entire history of the world, there was only one brief moment, lasting about 70 years, when you could put something under lock and key―a chest, a safe, your home―and have complete, unwavering certainty that no intruder could get to it. しかし何か―タンス（収納箱)や金庫や家―に錠前と鍵を使用したら侵入者はだれもそれに手をかけられないというゆるぎない完全な確信を持つことができたのは、世界史上、わずか一瞬、葯７０年しかなかった。  ３）最終段落  The pin-and-tumbler lock is fairly easy to pick for someone who knows what he’s doing, but using a crowbar or going through a window would probably also suffice to enter your house. It’s not just locks that keep us safe―it’s the existing social order. Today locks have become a social construct as much as they are a mechanical construct. ピンタンブラー錠は方法を知る者ならかなり容易に解錠できる。しかし、家屋に浸入するにはバールを使うか窓を通れば事足りる。安全を維持するのは鍵だけではなく既存の社会秩序なのだ。現在、鍵は機械的構成概念であると同時に社会的構成概念になっている。

問１ 正しい記述を３つ選び解答用紙に印をつけてください 。

本文参照

問２  この話に出てくるA.C. Hobbsの役割を要約してください。解答用紙に与えられた箇所に自分の言葉で英語で説明してください。

考え方  A.C. Hobbsは70年間破れなかった鍵を解錠した人物なので、主題である「鍵の意味」と結び付けて考える。

本文に出てくる70年の間は鍵は鍵をかけたものの完全な安全を機械的に保障する装置だったが、A.C. Hobbsがこの鍵を解錠してしまって以降破られない鍵は存在せず、現在鍵は簡単に解錠可能であることを承知の上で広く使用されているため社会秩序の保証も意味する存在となっているとある。従って、A.C. Hobbsは「機械装置による完全な安全神話」を破壊し、安全を得るためには鍵に頼るのではなく社会秩序を実現しなくてはならないことを示す役割を果たしたと考えられる。

問３  この文章の作者は「既存の社会秩序」は鍵同様に私たちを安全に保ってくれると示唆しています。この見解に賛成ですか？解答用紙に与えられた箇所に自分の言葉で英語で答えてください。

考え方  基本的には反対する理由はあまりなさそうだ。根拠として、現代社会における治安が良い国と悪い国における社会秩序の有無や歴史上の例を挙げることができるだろう。また、銃の携帯が許可されている点では同じであるアメリカとカナダが銃の殺傷事件の発生率で大きく異なるのも社会の安定の度合いの差が安全性の差につながる例と言えるかもしれない。しかし、もう少し掘り下げると、安全が保障されるかどうかは「社会秩序」の質にもよると考えられるかもしれない。例えば体制に不満のある人々を力で押さえつけて成立している社会秩序は崩壊の要素を内部に含んでいる。グローバル化とともに多国籍企業と超富裕層を中心とした支配体制が世界的に確立しつつある中で、個人的な暴力から組織的テロまで様々な安全への脅威が存在感を示してきていることが例にできる。更に、軍事力は使用していなくても金権政治とメディア操作による国民の意識の支配は、差別や不寛容、中毒や精神疾患等の問題を生じさせ、間接的に治安を損ねている可能性があると考えられると指摘しても良いかもしれない。

Pre-TOEFL writing, In what way do you think movies and televisions influence people's thoughts and actions? What is the most important or enjoyable class you have ever taken? Why did this class have an impact on you? - revised-

Writing Topic A

In what way do you think movies and televisions influence people's thoughts and actions?

☆Let’s Think

Let’s start by discussing the words in the writing topic.

1)    What do movies and televisions have in common?

(e.g. celebrities, sponsors, advertisements, trends, media most people use to get information)

2)    What do these factors have in common in people’s thoughts and actions? 

(e.g. influence on our likes and dislikes, moral notion, etc.)

3)    What argument can you make using the answers above?

(e.g. Movies and televisions affect the world view of the audience.)

☆Hints for Points

Movies and television …

1.    either widen or narrow our views – useful for children to learn new things while preventing grownups from seeing the whole picture of their society (e.g. Despite the fact that half of their income goes to the richest 10% of them, still many people in America, the world’s most celebrity-oriented society, believe in the American dream and think they will be a millionaire some day and thus are against raising tax on the rich.)

2.    help us learn “common sense” – children learn dos and don’ts

3.    shape our habits – many smoking scenes and more smokers in the past

4.    make us spend money

5.    narrow our interests – sports, music, and fashion and food being what most of our lives are about because they are featured in TV and movies

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】Movies and televisions make people easier to control.

【Point 1】Movies and televisions greatly help shape people’s values.

e.g.  In the Islamic extremists’ animation, the bad guy is always American.

【Point 2】TV and movies encourage consumerism.

e.g. Thousands of brand names instilled in children in the US

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】There can be good news shows and documentaries, but as media depend on sponsors, they cannot go so far as to be straightforward about the dark side of the power, and people’s perception of the world will be biased.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】Movies and television programs provide information and values which comply with the status quo, and people tend to think and behave accordingly.

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】Movies and televisions greatly help shape people’s values.

【Explanation】 They create people’s desire for what is valued in their society.

【Detail / Example in general】 For example, children watch TV and decide what they want to be.

【More Specific Detail / Example】 With the intense attention to the celebrity life of the media, American girls fancy being a celebrity instead of someone in a specific profession like an actress. On the other hand, in the Islamic extremists’ animation, Americans are villains, and their boys aspire to become soldiers to be a martyr, i.e. suicide bomber.

【Follow-up】 Other media and society also help shape our values, but since movies and televisions are more attractive and easier to use than others the influence is greater. Popular good-looking actors and TV personalities beat printed words and charts.

【Conclusion】 Watching popular movies and televisions help make minds submissive to the power.

♦Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Detail / Example in general】

【More Specific Detail / Example】

【Follow-up 】

【Conclusion】

Writing Topic B 

What is the most important or enjoyable class you have ever taken? Why did this class have an impact on you?

☆Let’s Think

Let’s start by answering the following questions.

1) Recall the most important or enjoyable class that you have ever taken

2) Why do you think so?

(e.g. lesson content, teacher, atmosphere, key events)

3) What impact did it have on you?

(e.g. interest in the subject, interest in studying, acquired some skills or knowledge)

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】 A mock language class for English language instructors.

【Point 1】It was my first time to learn a language without the aid of my mother tongue.

【Point 2】I relearned effective skills.

【Point 3】I also learned students’ psyche in class.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】The class was not only informative but also inspiring.

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Paragraph development

♦Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】 I also learned students’ psyche in class.

【Explanation】 The foreign language class showed me how students feel in class and helped me improve my job as an English instructor.

【Detail / Example in general】I was surprised at and frustrated by the slow speed of my learning.

【More Specific Detail / Example】 I repeatedly failed to pronounce words properly and had difficulty in memorizing names of the things on picture cards.

【Follow-up】 Since I had thought that I was a quick learner and had a confidence in my short time memory, the class was shocking enough for me to reflect on my ability and attitude as a teacher in class where I would often take it for granted that students could do some tasks without much difficulty.

【Conclusion】 I came to see students’ uneasiness in class and became more patient with them.

♦Your Sample Paragraph Development

Now choose one of the points you have prepared in the essay structure above and develop it, using the paragraph development structure below if you like.

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

 【Detail / Example in general】

【More Specific Detail / Example】

【Follow-up】

【Conclusion】

GRE writing, decline of the population of arctic deer and global warming

Material： 

Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic regions. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of the year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

Response:

Since extinction of a species as a result of global warming is not news anymore, it is natural to attribute the decline of arctic deer population to global warming. The supposed causal relation of melting ice and its habitat loss can easily be associated with the plight of polar bear, which is reported to be endangered because it is prevented from hunting seals due to loss of ice caused by global warming. It is pretty much possible that we will see not only the last polar bear but also the last arctic deer in the near future. However, to make this conclusion, the relation between global warming and the habitat loss has to be verified and also other possible causes of the population decrease have to be eliminated as each species lives under distinct conditions.

The causal relation of global warming and melting of sea ice in the Arctic is now a consensus, and thus there is no need to question this assumption. But whether the melting of the ice means arctic deer losing the habitat or not is another issue. Research should be done on whether there have been changes in the amount of ice within the habitat of arctic deer. Also, that the distances between islands are too far for deer to swim across should be proved. It is possible that melting of ice has never affected deer migration since they just swum instead of walking to move from one island to another.

Research needs to be done to see if there have been drastic changes in the niche of this animal. One possible change is loss of food. Another is spread of a disease which is fatal or causes reproduction problem. Both are highly possible since arctic is now a popular destination of tourists and virus that did not exist before has reached the area and wiped out the main stay plants of the deer or directly killed many of them. Thus, bacteriological research on the flora in the deer habitat and the dead dear is necessary. If there is no such causes as directly increasing the deaths of the deer, the argument will be more solid than before.

Increase of the predator of the deer for some reason could be another factor. If there is an evidence that the number of the deer predator is inversely proportional to that of the deer, the global-warming culprit theory would be weakened.

Moreover, some human factors might be worth considering. Global warming is not the first anthropologic factor of a population decline. Throughout history, over-hunting has reduced the number of many kinds of species. It needs to be determined that there has been no such activity in the deer habitat. Also, the presence of hunters and tourists might have disturbed deer migration as wild life is easily put off by the hint of human presence.

There could be many more factors that challenge the argument that global warming is the cause of the decline of arctic deer population as reality is unpredictable and as many elimination of other thinkable factors should be made to make the argument strong although some intuitively clear causal relations should be taken seriously before too much assurance makes loss of species too late to stop.