TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Technology can bring us more leisure time. - revised -

Writing Topic

Consider the following statement. Technology can bring us more leisure time. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Support your response including specific reasons and examples.

☆Let’s Think

1       Let’s compare the following two sentences. What is the difference between their meanings?

1) Technology has brought us more leisure time.

2) Technology can bring us more leisure time.

Hint: Which sentence is about a fact? Which one is about possibility?

2       Which of the following technologies do you think can increase leisure time? Why do you think so?

washing machine

dish washer

floor cleaning machine

bread maker

blender

computer

smartphone

car/motorcycle

bus/train/plane

industrial robot/AI

escalator/elevator

others

3       Discuss the following statement.

According to Yuval Noah Harari, humans lost freedom when we acquired irrigation technology because farming confines us in the same place and demand us to take care of the crops all around the year.

☆Hints for Points

Agree

Technology has already freed us from most manual labor. It is possible for it to increase leisure time.

技術はすでにほとんどの肉体労働から人を開放している。技術が余暇を増やすことは可能だ。

Disagree

No matter how developed technology people may have, they use it to work more. Thus, technology has no power to increase our free time.

どんなに発達した技術があろうがそれを使ってもっと働く。従って技術は自由時間を増やす力がない。

                                                     

☆Sample Essay Structure

A      【Introduction】Although it is not always the case in reality, it can be said that technology can increase our leisure time.

【Point 1】Electronic appliances shorten the time we spend on household work.

【Point 2】Advanced means of transportation provides possibility for leisure activities.

【Counterargument-treatment】Some claim that technology can even cause less leisure time citing such cases as developed transportation network makes it possible for students to go to cram schools after school and smart phones make it easier to contact a worker who is off-duty. However, the problem is not in the technology itself but in the society or our values. Even a microwave oven can be the cause of less leisure time for a devoted homemaker who pursues better cooking.

【Conclusion】It is society that keeps us busy. It is possible for technology to help us make spare time if we intend to do it.

【導入】実際には必ずしも当てはまらないが技術は余暇を増やすことができると言える。

【要点1】電化製品は家事に費やす時間を短縮する。

【要点2】進んだ交通手段は余暇活動の可能性を提供する。

【反論処理】発達した交通網により学生が放課後塾に行くのが可能になったりスマホにより非番の労働者と連絡を取る事が容易になるといった例を挙げて技術により余暇は減少する可能性さえあると主張する人もいる。しかし問題は技術自体にあるのではなく社会或いは私達の価値観にある。電子レンジでさえでより良い料理を追及する熱心な主婦にとって余暇の減少を引き起こす。

【結論】忙しくさせるのは社会だ。その気になれば技術の助けで余分な時間を作ることは可能だ。

B      【Main Idea】There has been talks that robots will do all our jobs and humans will be liberated from daily routines, but it seems that the future has not been realized yet. Technology has the potential to bring us more free time but I think that most people feel that they have seen better days.

【Everyday Life】Technology can allow us to finish work much earlier than before in many cases, but we are doing more activities in the same amount of time as before.

【Business】Robots are replacing humans in many areas of business, and there is a concern about job loss in many areas. However, in other areas technological innovation expands areas of its application and increases workload and working hours.

【Historical Evidence】Most workers have less leisure time than before, especially after the IT revolution. Businesses have come to operate 24 hours year round. Also, in some industries like distributors, humans are failing to keep up with the rate of the transaction done by machines.

【Conclusion】Technology can bring us more leisure time but it has not and will not. It raises productivity, brings some people unwelcome leisure time, and makes the rest work harder.

【主張】ロボットが私達の仕事を全てしてくれ人間は日々の決まり切った仕事から解放されるという話があるがその未来は今のところ実現していないようだ。技術は私達により多くのを暇もたらす潜在的可能性は有するが前の方が良かったと思っている人がほとんどだと思う。

【日常】多くの場合技術によって以前より仕事を早く終える事は可能だが以前と同じ時間内により多くの活動をしている。

【仕事】仕事の多くの分野でロボットが人間にとって代わりつつあり特定の分野では失業の心配がある。しかし他の分野では技術革新により応用範囲が広がり仕事量と仕事時間が増える。

【歴史的証拠】特にIT革命以降以前より余暇が少ない労働者がほとんどだ。会社は年中24時間業務を行うようになった。また流通のように機械による取引の速さに人間がついてゆけなくなりつつある業種がある。

【結論】技術はより多くの余暇をもたらすことは可能だがまだもたらしていないしもたらさないだろう。生産性を上げ、望まぬ暇な時間をいくらかの人にもたらし、そして残りの者はもっと一生懸命働かされる。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Main Idea】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion】

☆Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】Advanced means of transportation provides possibility for leisure activities.

【Explanation】 Technology enables us to arrive at the destination faster than before and brings time for other activities.

【Example】 For example, the public transportation allows people to move around town more quickly and get their business done a few hours earlier than they do without it.

【More Specific Example】This especially benefits frail people. If an old person who has difficulty in walking needs to go to a hospital, they can take a bus or train to get there, come back by the time it gets dark, and rest or enjoy chatting with friends for a while in the coffee shop near the station before they do the grocery shopping and go home. In the old times, visiting a doctor must have been the only event for the day for those who were physically disadvantaged.

【follow-up】It is true that in many cases, shorter transition time does not mean more leisure time as few people in modern society seem to enjoy plenty of spare time. However, this is because it is difficult for most of us to learn to be leisurely. Being assigned or self-assigning more tasks in proportion to the increase of spare time makes it seem that we still cannot go home early.

【Wrap-up】Potential effect of the development of transportation on the increase of leisure time cannot be denied.

【主張】進歩した交通手段は余暇活動の可能性を提供する。

【説明】技術により以前より速く目的地に着くことが可能になり他の活動のための時間をもたらす。

【具体例】例えば公共交通機関はそれがない場合よりも素早く街を動き回り数時間早く仕事を早く終わらせることを可能にする。

【より具体的な例】これは特に体が弱い人にとって有益だ。歩くのが困難なお年寄りが病院に行く必要がある場合、電車かバスに乗ってそこに行き、暗くなるまでに帰ってきて駅近くの喫茶店でしばらく休むか友達とおしゃべりを楽しんでから買い物をして帰ることができる。昔は体の不自由な人にとって病院に行くのはその日の唯一の出来事だったに違いない。

【補足】確かに現代社会のほとんどの人が十分な余暇を楽しんでいるようには思えないので、多くの場合移動時間が短くなったからと言って余暇が増えるという事にはならない。しかしこれは私達のほとんどがのんびりすることを習得するのが困難だからだ。余暇の増加に比例してより多くの課題を割り当てられたり自分で作ったりすることにより未だに早く家に帰れない様に思えるのだ。

【まとめ】交通機関の発展の余暇の増加に対する潜在的影響は否定できない。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Detail / Example】

【More Specific Detail / Example】

【Follow-up】

【Wrap-up】

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Drill Most important events in life are accidental.

Discuss the following statement, write a short essay on it including sentences with the structures below, and write comments on or correct mistakes of each other’s essay. Most important events in life are accidental.

●While it is true that ～, S V …,「確かに～だがSV… だ。」

●It seems that ～.「～の様に思える。」

Hints for Points: Birth and death happen by chance. You do not plan to be fond of someone or something. You cannot decide how many other students will take the same entrance examination that you are going to take. While it is true that you can make an intellectual decision and make efforts to live a good life, many events in life can be attributed to luck. It seems that we have little control of our fate.

                

Essay     

Comments

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Drill Parents and communities should play an active role in protecting the safety of children in the area.

Discuss the following statement, write a short essay on it including sentences with the structures below, and write comments on or correct mistakes of each other’s essay. Parents and communities should play an active role in protecting the safety of their children.

●demand that SV仮定法現在（V=原型動詞）「SがVすることを要求する。」

●If S’ pressured ～, S would …, but …「もしS’が～に圧力をかけたらSは…するだろうがしかし…。」

Hints for Points: Taxpayers should demand that safety of children be guaranteed. If parents pressured the police to increase the number of policemen on duty, the safety of the street would be insured, but the quality of overall policing could go down due to the shortage of the officers for serious crimes. It is fundamentally dangerous that citizens play the role of the police.

Essay     

Comment

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Drill Faster transportation can bring us more leisure time.

Drill

Discuss the following statement, write a short essay on it including sentences with the structures below, and write comments on or correct mistakes of each other’s essay. Faster transportation can bring us more leisure time.

●It is 意見・感想の形容詞 that ～「～は意見・感想だ。」

●疑問詞ever ～ , S V …「たとえ何が/誰が/いつ/どこで/どんなに～でも、SV…。」

Hints for Points: It is possible to have extra time you can use as you please if you get to the destination earlier than before thanks to faster transportation. The faster you can transport, the more work you will be assigned. However fast transportation becomes, our system rids us of free time.

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Comments

                                                                                                    

                                                                                                   

                                                                                                    

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing Do you agree that your county has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods? - revised -

Writing Topic

With many technological advances in communication and transportation, many people feel that the various countries of the world are becoming more similar to each other. Do you agree that your county has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods? Use specific examples and details to explain why or why not.

☆Let’s Think

1       Give some examples of technological advances in communication and transportation.

e.g. It took a month for American newspapers and magazines to reach Japan in the 90’s, but it takes not time.

2       What is the difference between the following two sentences?

a.    D My country has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods.

b.    My country has become similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods.

3       Does your county look more similar to other countries compared to what it was 150 years ago when, it took a month for a newspaper, the only news medium then, to reach America from Britain and when samurai ruled Japan or when taking an airplane cost a fortune and the Internet did not exist? Have the street views changed? Remember the lifestyle of your grandparents. What do they eat, wear, and enjoy?

当時唯一の媒体だった新聞がイギリスからアメリカに着くのに一か月かかり侍が日本を治めていた200年前と比べて自分の国は他国に似てきているだろうか？飛行機に乗るのは大金がかかりインターネットは存在していなかった50年前と比べるとどうだろうか。街並みは変化しているだろうか。祖父母のライフスタイルを思い出してみよう。何を食べ、どんな服装をし、何を楽しんでいるだろうか？

My country has become similar to / is still different from other countries in the following aspects.

	food	clothing	entertainment	others
100 years ago
50 yeas ago
now

☆Hints for points

Points for Agreement

1.      People used to wear traditional clothing before, but now most people wear Western style clothing.

2.      Most houses were made of wood and paper before, but now they are made of modern materials.

3.      Only elites and city people used to enjoy western culture before, but now most people do.

Points for Disagreement

4.      Most people do not speak any foreign language as a second language.

5.      There are more local food stores than international food chains like McDonald’s and Starbucks.

6.      TV programs are very different from those of other countries.

☆Sample Essay Structure

A      【Introduction】 I agree with the idea that my country has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods with some reservation.

【Point 1】The Meiji Restoration has changed the whole society into a modern one.

【Point 2】Globalization has made people share the same commodities and a common culture worldwide.

【Counter Example】We have not given up our language, traditional cultures, and prejudices.

【Conclusion】Exchange of goods and information with other countries has made my country similar to other countries for the most part although some cultures and ideas remain unchanged.

【導入】 保留付きだが、近現代的なコミュニケーション手段と交通手段により私の国は他国に似てきているという考えに賛成だ。

【要点1】明治維新によって国中が近代国家に変わった。

【要点 2】グローバル化により世界中で同じ商品と共通の文化を共有するようになった。

【反例】言語や伝統文化そして偏見はまだ捨てていない。

【結論】変わらない文化や考えもあるが、他国との物資・情報の交換により大体において私の国を他の国と似通ってきている。

B      【Introduction】 My country externally appears to have become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods, but the inner state has not changed much.

【Point 1】We Japanese eat teriyaki burger and put powdered green tea in anything.

【Point 2】We have adopted democracy, but it is faith to the senior and groupism that run this county.

【Counterargument-treatment】There are no samurai in present Japan, but they are alive in our mind.

【Conclusion】Japan has achieved no more resemblance to other countries than Hello Kitty has to Betty Boop.

【導入】 近現代的なコミュニケーション手段と交通手段により私の国は外面的には他国に似てきているように見えるが内面の状態はあまり変わっていない。

【要点1】私たち日本人はてりやきバーガーを食べ何にでも抹茶を入れる。

【要点 2】私たちは民主主義を採用したがこの国を動かしているのは目上の人への忠義と集団順応主義だ。

【反論処理】現代日本には侍はいないが生活の中に生きている。

【結論】日本が他の国に似てきていないのはキティちゃんがベティちゃんに似てきていないのと同じだ。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Top-down Development: from general ideas to specific ideas

トップダウンの展開： 一般から具体へ

Let’s compare the present and the past and make conclusions. Make sure that the description starts with the general and moves on to the specific.

Homogenization in materialistic aspects through economic globalization

経済のグローバル化を通しての物質面の均一化

The development of communication and transportation methods has enabled large corporations to spread the same products all over the world more thoroughly than before and boosted the homogenization of the world, at least materialistically. My country Japan is not an exception. People used to live in wooden houses, wear kimono, and eat rice and fish, but these days, they live with something western or American. They live in buildings made of concrete and steel whose interiors are filled with electronic appliances and modern furniture, wear clothes found in western media, and often eat meat-and-bread-based food.

コミュニケーション手段と交通手段の発展により大企業が同じ製品を以前より徹底的に世界中に広めることが可能になり少なくとも物質的には世界の均一化が進んだ。私の国である日本も例外ではない。昔人々は木の家に住み着物を着て米と魚を食べていたが最近は何か欧米的なものと過ごしている。内部が電化製品と近代的な家具で埋まっているコンクリートと鉄鋼でできた建物に住み、西洋のメディアに出てくる服を着て、頻繁に肉とパンが基本の食事をする。

Westernization of popular music

流行歌の西洋化

Trends in popular music reflect changes of a society very clearly. Japanese pop music has become closer to those in other countries than before. Japanese pop songs were slow-tempo and sounded like traditional folk music before, but now most of them are up-tempo and sound like American and British pops, which have been influenced by the music in other parts of the world. Since music affects many aspects of life, it can be said that our general mentality has also become more similar to those in other countries. This change, the pervasiveness of western culture through music, corresponds to the development of technologies for sharing materials and information. The change of media from the radio to TV to the Internet and more opportunities for concert tours enabled western music industry to market and familiarize its products to more people in my country.

流行歌の傾向は非常に明確に社会の変化を反映する。日本人の流行歌は以前よりも他の国の流行歌に近づいてきている。以前日本の流行歌はテンポが遅く伝統的な民謡の様な響きだったが今ではほとんどがテンポが速くアメリカかイギリスの流行歌の様に聞こえる。そしてアメリアやイギリスの流行歌は世界の他の地域の音楽に影響されている。音楽は生活の多くの面に影響を与えるので私たちの気質も他の国々のそれと似てきていると言える。この変化つまり音楽を通した西洋文化の普及は物質・情報共有用の技術の進歩と一致する。ラジオからテレビそしてインターネットへの媒体の変化とコンサート・ツアーの機会が増えたことにより西洋の音楽産業が私の国のより多くの人々に製品を売り込み親しませることができるようになったのだ。

Assimilation to other cultures through history 

歴史を通しての異文化との同化

The large wave of global assimilation has affected Japan, where I live. As Yuval Noah Harari points out in his book Sapiens, countries and cultures have been integrated into ones with larger realms since ancient times. An island country Japan has also always been in the influential spheres of other cultures. Rice farming and use of Chinese characters are examples of cultures Japan has shared with other countries., Even during the period of cultural isolation, most high levels of thought were expressed in Chinese. In other words, it has syncretized other cultures into its cultures. In modernization and industrialization after the Meiji Restoration, Japan has taken in Western cultures through their languages, and the process has accelerated after WWII for not only geopolitical reasons but also development of the means of communication and transportation. Moreover, it has even exported products like instant noodles and anime around the world. Therefore, It is natural that it has become similar to other countries both in fundamental aspects of daily life such as housing and clothing and in inner life.

世界的な同化の大波が私の住む国である日本に影響を与えてきている。ユバル・ノア・ハラリが自著「サピエンス」で指摘しているように、古代から国々と文化はより大きな領域の国・文化に統一されてきている。島国日本もずっと異文化の影響圏に入り続けてきた。稲作と漢字の使用は日本が他国と共有してきた文化の例だ。鎖国時代でさえも、高度な思想は漢文で表現された。言い換えれば異文化を自国文化に統合してきた。明治維新後の近代化・工業化では日本は西洋言語を通して西洋文化を取り入れてきており、その過程は第2次世界大戦後地政学的理由のみならずコミュニケーション手段と交通手段の発達のために加速した。更にはインスタント麺やアニメの様な製品を世界中に輸出しさえしてきた。従って住宅や衣服の様な日常生活の基本的な面と内面生活の両面で他国と似てきているのは当然だ。

Inalterability of the social climate

社会的風土の不変性

There are no samurai or ninja in present Japan, but the social climate that surrounded them is alive in our lives. The Maiji Restoration abolished Shogunate and transplanted Western civilization into this country. Materialistically, the policy has been successful, but fundamental mindset and customs of the people have not changed very much. Our language maintains samurai-related expressions, samurai or ninja dramas and mangas are abundant, and people tend to act like those of peasants or towners in those days. They watch the move of the authority and collectively act accordingly. Our distinctive behavioral pattern becomes especially evident in extraordinary situations. When Japan lost at the end of WWII, the new constitution stipulated the Emperor as the symbol of the State, to which few objected. About 30 years later, a world-famous Japanese author, Yukio Mishima committed suicide by hara-kiri, or disembowelment, after his failed coup. There is no knowing whether he thought of shooting his head off or burning himself as people in other countries do in the same kind of situation or not, but either way, he chose the way of suicide for samurai. Recently, it has been pointed out that the whole society has been hushed about Fukushima nuclear disaster by self-imposed pressure, a reminder of the subject mentality in the feudal society. Japan might have become more similar to other countries in the sense that Japanese and Chinese are similar in the eyes of Westerners, or Japanese and Americans are similar in the eyes of people who despise capitalism, but habits, especially bad ones, have not changed. Thus, Japan cannot be more similar to other countries no matter how much communication and transportation develop.

現代の日本には侍や忍者はいないが彼らを取りまいていた社会的風土は生活の中に生きている。明治維新は幕府を廃止しこの国に西洋文明を移植した。この政策は物質的にはうまくいったが国民の基本的な考え方や風習はあまり変わってきていない。言語は侍関連の表現を維持し侍や忍者のドラマや漫画が沢山あり、人々は当時の小作人か町人のように行動する傾向がある。当局の動向を見守りそれに応じて一緒に行動する。私たちの独特の行動様式は非日常的状況で特に明らかになる。日本が第二次世界大戦末期に負けた時、新憲法は天皇を国家の象徴と規定したがそれに異論のある者はほとんどいなかった。その30年後、世界的に有名な日本人作家の三島由紀夫はクーデター失敗後割腹自殺した。同様の状況で他の国の人がするように銃で頭を撃ったり焼身自殺したりすることは思いつかなかったのかどうか分からないが、いずれにせよ侍用の自殺の方法を選んだ。最近では福島原発事故について社会船体が自粛して口を閉ざしていることが指摘されている。封建社会の臣民根性を彷彿とさせる。西洋人にとって日本人と中国人が似ている、あるいは資本主義を軽蔑する人にとって日本人とアメリカ人が似ているという意味で日本は他国に似てきているかもしれないが、習慣、特に悪い癖はどうしても変わっていない。そういう訳でたとえどんなにコミュニケーションと交通が発達しようが日本は他国に似てくるはずがない。

Your Sample Description

 General Description 

Specific Description