TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion The involvement of parents and communities in school education - revised -

Should parents and communities play an active role in improving the quality of school education? 

 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1)     In Japan, the board of education manages the education of the community. They choose textbooks, change school rules, and dismiss teachers if necessary. However, the board members are not elected from parents or community members. On the other hand, the board of education consists of anyone over the age of voting including parents, community members, and students in many states in the U.S. Which do you think is better? Why?

2)     Have you ever seen a helicopter parent or unreasonable parent who bother teachers and school?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Agree

1.     The concept of children as the asset of the community will be revived and this will lead to more involved citizens’ actions to require the government to provide better education for children.

2.     Parents are the most serious about providing quality education to their children.

3.     The community, rather than the government, often know what should be taught at school, so their voices should be reflected more in education.  e.g. About 100 years ago, in Taisho era, merchants of the city of Osaka felt the need of language skills in the international trade and funded to make a language school for young merchants. The school was nationalized after WWII and named Osaka University of Foreign Studies, later integrated into University of Osaka.

4.     Mind development will be accelerated.  e.g. Some communities have started support systems for learning by retiree volunteers and has improved performances of children at school.

 

Disagree

1.     Helicopter parents interrupt school education.

2.     Leaving education to specialists is the best policy. The government has the department of education and trains professionals to provide a good education.

3.     Voting is the channel to reflect citizens’ opinions.

4.     Influential entities such as strong men or a religious group can prevent proper education.

e.g. There are people who are against girls’ education because of their belief.

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure

A        【Thesis】I am totally for the active role of parents and communities in school education in terms of mind development. I actually think they themselves should even directly help teaching.

【Supporting Details】The benefit of this policy is heightened awareness and cognitive ability of the children that their exposure to various adults in the community will stimulate. For example, after-school schooling volunteers can provide children with knowledge and experiences crucial to mind development. They can teach morals, pass down community history, culture, and tradition, and present new perspectives that are not taught at school. The interactions and the organic way of nurturing will give children a sense of security and help build well-rounded personalities.

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that too many cooks can spoil the broth as the saying goes, but it is the golden rule of a good society that youngsters are taken care of by the adults around them to raise the next generation for the continuation of the community.

【Conclusion】Therefore, communal involvement is vital in school education. (170 words)

 

B        【Thesis】With caveats, I think parents and communities should play an active role in improving the quality of education.

【Benefits】Citizen’s involvement makes reforms appropriate, easier, and faster. Financial aid from the community for education can increase. Interest in child-rearing and education will increase among citizens as well as parents.

【Caveat 1】On the other hand, ideology can overwhelm reality and the school system can be disrupted such as children being forced to follow unnecessary rules.

【Caveat 2】Also, the power structure among parents or in the community may undermine the education, leading to greater inequality.

【Conclusion】Active participation of the adults in education is fundamentally good, but unless it is decided to what extent parents and communities are involved in education, adverse effects may follow. (127 words)

Write your draft on this topic. Give feedback to other people’s drafts, asking questions and making suggestions.

 

 

DRAFT

 

 

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion High school students and part-time work - revised -

Should high school students take on part-time jobs while managing their academic responsibilities? 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.       Paraphrase the following expressions in your own words to make sure of the question.

・“the complex intersection of education and practical experience”

e.g. balance between academic studies and work experience

・“an era where real-world experience and academic achievements are both highly valued”

                            e.g. well-rounded, resourceful workers with higher academic background are needed

・“how this balance affects students’ development and preparation for future challenges”

                            e.g. the optimal balance between the two in high school education

2.       What other things than academic subjects do people learn while they are in high school? Is it impossible to learn them during school activities?

3.       Does your school allow you to work part-time? Do you know the reason for the policy? Have you ever had a part-time job? If so, share the experience with other students.

 

 

☆Hints for Points

For:

1.     As the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

2.     By having a part-time job, they can meet many kinds of people and learn social skills.

3.     Students can learn what it is like to work for money, and it will help them (to) think about their future.

Against

1.     School is primarily for academic education and should stay out of students’ extracurricular activities.

2.     Don’t do today what you can put off till tomorrow. (This is the reversed version of the saying, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.) Missing other experiences is the concern.

3.     Working involves what students do not have to go through, like harassment or deceit.

 

 

☆Sample Responses

A        【Thesis】I’m all for high school students working part-time as I believe that it will be a catalyst for students’ development that facilitates their studies.

【Supporting Details】Working for money in a team among people of all walks of life enhances cognitive ability, maturity, and acquisition of fundamental work ethics like honesty and punctuality. Better understanding of reality will lead to a clear future vision, which will be a strong motivation to study hard. It also facilitates emotional development. For example, part-timers are often the target of harassment. This makes students more aware of discrimination and inequality, which will not only be a motivation for hard work but also empathy to those who are disadvantaged.

【Counterargument-treatment】While time-management can become a challenge, personal development is no less important than academic achievement during high school years, when children turn young adults, and there will be no loss in allotting a few after school hours to work.

【Conclusion】Part-time jobs during high school years, when people are most sensitive, make students’ life more fulfilling and help make them good citizens. (177 words)

 

B        【Thesis】High school students can wait for the experience of working part-time till they graduate.

【Supporting Details】Or else the loss would be irretrievable, because students are going through the critical years in their academic achievement and personality development. They need to focus on studies while seeing the world and bonding with others in various occasions. The events and projects at school and the interaction and relationships with other students will significantly influence the formation of their personality and values.

【Counterargument-treatment】Part-time work may provide valuable life lessons, but the opportunity will come soon, right after graduation or in several years. There is little reason why high school students have to get work experience before they go to university or start real work. Rather, school should help them equip themselves with a good education and relationships that will protect them after graduation. Understanding of reality owes not so much to work experience as to personal history. It is exactly for this reason that high school students need to have meaningful interactions with their peers and struggle with their studies while they can. After all, those who don’t do well in studies and school life usually won’t do well in the real world since school is the gateway to the real world. It is ridiculous to assume waiting at a coffee shop or delivering food or doing simple paperwork is vital in high school education even though it may give some a second chance to connect to society and find a path to self-realization.

【Conclusion】Hence, there isn’t much to expect in part-time work as part of education. (236 words)

Write your draft on this topic. Give feedback to other people’s drafts, asking questions and making suggestions.

 

 

DRAFT

 

 

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

 

TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion High school students and part-time work - revised -

Should high school students take on part-time jobs while managing their academic responsibilities? 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.       Paraphrase the following expressions in your own words to make sure of the question.

・“the complex intersection of education and practical experience”

e.g. balancing academic studies and work experience

・“an era where real-world experience and academic achievements are both highly valued”

                            e.g. well-rounded, resourceful workers with higher academic background are needed

・“how this balance affects students’ development and preparation for future challenges”

                            e.g. the optimal balance between the two in high school education

2.       What other things than academic subjects do people should learn while they are in high school other than academic subjects? Is it impossible to learn them during school activities?

3.       Does your school allow you to work part-time? Do you know the reason for the policy? Have you ever had a part-time job? If so, share the experience with other students.

 

 

☆Hints for Points

For:

1.     As the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

2.     By having a part-time job, they can meet many kinds of people and learn social skills.

3.     Students can learn what it is like to work for money, and it will help them (to) think about their future.

Against

1.     School is primarily for academic education and should stay out of students’ extracurricular activities.

2.     Don’t do today what you can put off till tomorrow. (This is the reversed version of the saying, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.) Missing other experiences is the concern.

3.     Working involves what students do not have to go through, like harassment or deceit.

 

 

☆Sample Responses

A        【Thesis】I’m all for high school students working part-time as I believe that it will be a catalyst for students’ development that facilitates their studies.

【Supporting Details】Working for money in a team among people of all walks of life enhances cognitive ability, maturity, and acquisition of fundamental work ethics like honesty and punctuality. Better understanding of reality will lead to a clear future vision, which will be a strong motivation to study hard. It also facilitates emotional development. For example, part-timers are often the target of harassment. This makes students more aware of discrimination and inequality, which will not only be a motivation for hard work but also empathy to those who are disadvantaged.

【Counterargument-treatment】While time-management can become a challenge, personal development is no less important than academic achievement during high school years, when children turn young adults, and there will be no loss in allotting a few after school hours to work.

【Conclusion】Part-time jobs during high school years, when people are most sensitive, make students’ life more fulfilling and help make them good citizens. (177 words)

 

B        【Thesis】High school students can wait for the experience of working part-time till they graduate.

【Supporting Details】Or else the loss would be irretrievable, because students are going through the critical years in their academic achievement and personality development. They need to focus on studies while seeing the world and bonding with others in various occasions. The events and projects at school and the interaction and relationships with other students will significantly influence the formation of their personality and values.

【Counterargument-treatment】Part-time work may provide valuable life lessons, but the opportunity will come soon, right after graduation or in several years. There is little reason why high school students have to get work experience before they go to university or start real work. Rather, school should help them equip themselves with a good education and relationships that will protect them after graduation. Understanding of reality owes not so much to work experience as to personal history. It is exactly for this reason that high school students need to have meaningful interactions with their peers and struggle with their studies while they can. After all, those who don’t do well in studies and school life usually won’t do well in the real world since school is the gateway to the real world. It is ridiculous to assume waiting at a coffee shop or delivering food or doing simple paperwork is vital in high school education.

【Conclusion】Hence, there isn’t much to expect in part-time work as part of education. (236 words)

Write your draft on this topic. Give feedback to other people’s drafts, asking questions and making suggestions.

 

 

DRAFT