TOEFL iBT Writing Is it often better to have as much information as possible? (Revised)

 Is it often better to have as much information as possible?

 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.        In what cases do you need as much information as possible?

e.g. Choosing a school to attend

 

2.        Would you like to know the private life of idol such as your favorite artist, musician, actor, writer, or athlete or would you like to leave such information untouched?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Yes

1.     Two heads are better than one: It leads to better results to have as much information as possible.  e.g. group activities

 

2.     Having as many information sources as possible helps make a good decision.

e.g. fact-check tools other than Google search such as books in libraries

 

3.     The more detailed information there is, the better perception of the world you can have.   e.g. higher resolution

 

4.     Abundant information contributes to creativity.  e.g. the American culture

 

5.     Information disclosure helps society progress.  e.g. Patent information disclosure benefits society and helps other inventors improve the invention. The government information disclosure enables citizens to protect democracy.

 

6.     Times of lack of information were dark eras of human history. e.g. the medieval eras in the European history and the periods of national isolation in the Japanese history

 

7.     Lack of information is dangerous.  e.g. mainstream media as a mouthpiece of the government, which provide little truth about the government and the situations

 

No

1.     As the saying goes, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” Sometimes, it becomes difficult to do a task when there is a large amount of information. e.g. Textbook contents vary according to the grade. Teachers decide the amount of the study supplement according to the levels and characteristics of the students. It seems that information should be limited at some stage of life. For example, a child may be confused with many pieces of contradicting information without ability to process information well. In case of language acquisition, it is said that the number of languages a child can learn at the same time to be a real multilingual is limited, around 5 or 6. After the time period, it might be better for children to focus on the acquisition of their mother tongue for their brain development. 

 

2.     It is said that ignorance is bliss and that curiosity killed a cat. It is often better to leave something unrevealed. Trying to know more than you are supposed to could put you in trouble. e.g. white lie, Pandora’s box, Less is more, etc.

 

3.     There are many kinds of information that are controlled for security, privacy, or education. 

 

4.     There are things that you may not want to know.

 

☆Sample Responses

Sample 1 

【Thesis】It is better to have as much information as possible.

【Supporting Details】Lack of information causes trouble. It leads to confusion and fear in catastrophes, for instance. It also causes prejudice. You might have heard someone say, “I had thought such and such people were stupid and mean, but after I made friends with Mary, who was intelligent and very kind, my image of the people has changed.” Here the problem is not only the discrimination the person inflicted on the people targeted by the person but also good communication and relationships the person had missed having with the members of the group that Mary belongs to before the person met Mary. Stereotype is the child of lack of information, and its children are ignorance, discrimination, bullying, conflicts and wars. In politics, shortage of information will destroy democracy, or vice versa. On the other hand, Abundant information makes us wiser and happier. To understand a piece of news better, you read more than one newspaper. Before making an expensive purchase, most people try to collect as many catalogs as possible and read as many reviews as they can. Today’s computer graphics have many more digits, much more amount of information, than those in the past, and thus they are clearer and more real than before. The difference is evident if today’s computer graphics are compared with those in the 1980’s like Pack-Man or Mario Brothers. Plenty of information brings better recognition and confidence.

【Counterargument-treatment】It is sometimes difficult to make a decision when there is more information than can be processed, but the problem is in the processing process, such as absence of prioritization or determination.

【Conclusion】Excessive amount of information is not a problem in itself but a luxury, which is inherently a boon as long as dealt with wisely. (297 words)

 

Sample 2

【Thesis】Too much information may not be helpful in terms of building our world view.

【Supporting Details】My elementary school teacher told the class that we would be confused if we had extra eyes on the back side of our heads. Indeed, if we were able to see everything around us, overload of information to process would make us at a loss of how we move such as choosing a way we should take. Another example that makes me think that perhaps lack of certain information is necessary is the blind spot birds have. Although birds have a wide view, as we say a bird’s-eye-view, they have a blind spot, a narrow area in the back of their head. This spot is obviously a weak spot, but it could also be a necessary anatomy in a bird’s life. It not only tells the bird which side is its back but also helps birds help each other. Because of the existence of this weak spot, birds perching side by side cover each other, by facing the opposite directions to each other. I guess most of us would rather be imperfect birds helping each other than a god with one hundred eyes.

【Counterargument-treatment】In general, the more information you have, the better recognition you have, and the problem of confusion caused by abundant information can be avoided by general knowledge such as checking the news source and shunning disinformation. Still, it would be beyond our capacity and disagree with our nature to have as much information as possible. In fact, there are things that you had better not know. A photograph shows all the visual information of a scene, and this is perfect as visual evidence. However, an artist deletes some information of the same scene to show what he sees in the scene. A picture is more real without all the information. A dancer’s face does not have a line in a painting, when, in fact, it does. Although we know the photograph is more accurate, we see the truth in a picture.

【Conclusion】Increase of information can sometimes be a curse. (346 words)

 

Write your draft on this topic. Give feedback to other people’s drafts, asking questions and making suggestions.

 

 

DRAFT

 

 

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                      

                                                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                                     

Pre-TOEFL Writing Has food becoming easier to prepare improved our lives? (Revised)

Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

今では食事は準備しやすくなりました。この変化は人々の生活の仕方を改善してきたでしょうか？答えを支持するために具体的な理由と例を使ってください。

 

☆Let’s Think 考えてみよう

That food has become easier to prepare means it has become faster and less troublesome thanks to the technological advancement such as the electrification of cooking tools, invention of instant food, and development of ready-to-eat food industry. In general, development of technology has both good points and bad points. Therefore, this change may not have improved all aspects of the way people live. 食事が準備しやすくなったとは調理器具の電化やインスタント食品の発明、出来合い食品産業の発達の様な技術の進歩のおかげで調理が速くなりあまり面倒でなくなったということを意味する。一般的に技術の発達は利点と欠点両方がある。従ってこの変化は人々の生活の全ての面を改善したわけではないかもしれない。

 

☆Hints for Points 要点の為のヒント

Good points 利点

1.     shortens cooking time, saves time, helps make time to do other things

調理時間の短縮、時間の節約、他の事をする時間を作る役に立つ

2.       reduces stress related to cooking

調理関連のストレスを減らす

 

Bad points 欠点

1.     loss of skills, loss of tradition

技術の喪失、伝統の喪失

2.     less conversation between family members

家族間の会話の減少

3.     fewer chances to develop creativity

創造性を発達させる機会の減少

4.     low-quality dietary life: less tasty, less enjoyable in texture, not fresh, unhealthy, laden with a lot of chemicals such as additives and preservatives

食生活の低下： あまりおいしくない、食感があまりよくない、新鮮でない、不健康、添加物や保存料の様な化学物質を多く含む

 

☆Sample Essay Structures エッセイ構造例

Sample 1 例 1

【Introduction = Outline】Less time to prepare food means more time to improve life.

【Good point 1】Reduction of cooking time leads to higher production.  e.g. rice cooker

【Good point 2】Release from manual labor leads to higher mental activity.  e.g. social reform by housewives

【Counterargument-treatment】Some might deplore decline of food culture. However, those interested in cooking are even more enthusiastic about improving their eating experience.   e.g. cookbooks

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】Efficiency is fundamentally helpful in improving life.

【導入＝概要】食事の準備の短縮は生活改善の時間増加を意味する。

【利点 1】調理時間の削減により生産性が上がる  例 炊飯器

【利点 2】肉体労働からの解放が高度な精神活動につながる。 例 主婦による社会改革

【反論処理】食文化の衰退を嘆く人もいるが料理に興味のある人は食生活の改善にもっと熱心にさえなっている。 例 料理本

【結論＝まとめ】効率は生活改善に基本的に役立つ。

 

Sample 2 例 2

【Introduction】On the one hand, food becoming easy to prepare is good for our lives, but on the other hand, it may be bad for it.

【Positive effects】Shorter cooking time reduces stress and increases free time.

【Negative effects】Many food products are bad for the health.

【Conclusion】Technology applied to cooking improves our lives in general although we have to watch our health because of it.

【導入】食事の準備が楽になったことは一方では生活にとって良いが一方では悪いかもしれない。

【肯定的な影響】調理時間の短縮はストレスを減らし自由時間を増やす。

【否定的な影響】多くの食品が健康に悪い。

【結論】調理に適用された技術は一般的には生活を改善する。そのせいで健康に気を付けなくてはならないけれども。

 

Sample 3 例3

【Introduction】Whether food having become easier to prepare than before improves people’s lives or not has different answers depending on what aspect of life you see. In general, it is doubtful whether it has improved our lives, especially in terms of quality.

【Effects on dietary life】We can enjoy many kinds of food. On the other hand, processed food makes us less sensitive to subtle differences of taste. They are also addictive. Many people cannot stop eating sweet or salty foods with a lot of fat.

【Effects on our family life and tradition】We rarely cook together with our family any more, even though doing it provides an opportunity to have a good communication with our family. Also, we have lost sense of seasonal change because almost all kinds of foods are available year-round. e.g. Families no longer get together to make traditional food such as ohagi cakes for ancestors or pound mochi, rice cakes for New Year’s feast, these days. 

【Effects on our leisure time】We can spend more time for other activities than cooking such as working for a company or joining a club although most of us have become busier than before because of increased workload assigned for the extra time saved by the technology.

【Conclusion】In most aspects of our lives, technological improvement of cooking is a mixed blessing. In my impression, simplified cooking has somewhat lowered the quality of our life by making it gross because diet makes up a significant part of life.

【導入】食べ物が以前より準備しやすくなったことが生活を改善するかどうかは生活のどの面を見るかによって異なる答えになる。一般的には生活を改善したかどうかは疑わしい。特に質の面では。

【食生活への影響】いろいろな食べ物を楽しめる。一方で加工食品によって味の微妙な違いに鈍感になる。また中毒になる。 多くの人が脂肪分の覆い非常に甘いか塩辛い食品を止められない。

【家族生活と伝統への影響】もはやめったに家族と一緒に料理をしない。一緒に料理をするのは家族と良いコミュニケーションをとる機会を提供してくれるのにもかかわらず。また、一年中ほとんど全ての種類の食べ物が手に入るので季節感を失ってしまった。 例 もはや家族が集まっておはぎの様な伝統的料理を祖先のために作らないし、新年用の餅つきを一緒にしない。

【余暇への影響】会社で働いたりクラブに入会したりするなど他の活動に時間を使うことができる。もっとも、私たちのほとんどは技術によって節約された余分な時間に割り当てられた増加した仕事量のせいで以前より忙しくなったのだが。

【結論】生活のほとんどの面において、料理の技術改善は良くも悪くもある。私の印象では単純化された調理は、私たちの生活の質を雑にすることによって下げてしまった。なぜなら食事は生活の重要な部分を占めるからだ。

 

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development  段落展開例

A        【Main Idea】Shorter cooking time reduces stress and increases free time.

【Supporting Details】For most people, preparing food is a routine that they want to spend as little time as possible on. Therefore, when it takes only a few minutes to cook, instead of more than 30 minutes, they feel less stressed out. Also, they can use the extra time to do whatever they want to do such as working, studying, or bonding with others.

【Wrap-up】The easier food is to prepare, the less stress and waste of time we have.

【主張】調理時間短縮によりストレスが減少し自由時間が増加する。

【詳細】ほとんどの人にとって食事の準備はできるだけ時間をかけたくないきまり切った仕事だ。従って、30分以上の代わりに数分しか料理に時間がかからないとストレスがあまりかからない。また、その余分な時間を仕事や勉強、ひととのつながりづくりのようなしたいこと何にでも使うことができる。

【説明】食事の準備が簡単であればあるほどストレスと時間の無駄が少なくなる。

 

B        【Main Idea】Many food products are bad for the health.

【Supporting Details】During processing, they lose a lot of nutrients. Especially, they have fewer vitamins than fresh foods. Moreover, they contain chemicals to make them tastier and last long. Many of these chemicals are thought to be causes of diseases like cancer.

【Wrap-up】Food that is easy to prepare is unnatural and bad for life.

【主張】多くの食品が健康に悪い。

【詳細】加工中に多くの栄養素を失う。特に新鮮な製品よりビタミンが少ない。その上さらに、味わいを増し長持ちさせるための化学物質を含んでいる。これらの化学物質の多くが癌のような病気の原因だと考えられている。

【結論】準備しやすい食品は不自然なので体に悪い。

 

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions アイディアと表現のためのエッセイ

In a hit song in the 1970’s Japan, “Curry and Rice”, the singer, who is said to have been influenced by Bob Dylan, sang about his partner cooking a common Japanese dish called carry and rice, starting with the sound she makes as she chops vegetables, then depicting the good smell of the soup as the vegetables and meat boil, and finally mentioning their sweet disagreement on how spicy the dish should be. Inserted comment on their cat begging for a bite represents the increasing excitement of the poet waiting for his favorite dish to be ready. In those days, it took around 30 minutes to cook the dish, a shorter time our ancestors experienced owing to the boon of technology, as we had already been freed from the task of making fire. Nowadays, the same meal can be prepared before the song ends. Warm a ready-made curry and rice package with the microwave oven, and here you are. Eat! I wonder if we have lost a lot of our lives due to the change even though it has benefited us in some aspects.

1970年代の日本の流行歌「カレーライス」で、ボブディランに影響を受けていると言われた歌手は日本のありふれた料理であるカレーライスを連れ合いが料理するのを歌った。彼女が野菜を切る音で始まり、それから野菜と肉が煮える時の汁のいい匂いを描写し、最後に辛さについての彼らの甘い意見の相違に言及する。ひと口をねだる飼い猫のコメントの挿入が、大好物が出来上がるのを待つ詩人の次第に盛り上がる気持ちを表している。当時この料理をするのに約30分かかったが、技術の恩恵によって私たちの先祖が経験したのよりは短時間だった。火を起こすという仕事から既に解放されていたので。今では同じ食事はこの曲が終わるまでに出来上がってしまう。既成のカレーライスパックを電子レンジで温めてはいどうぞ。食べて！この変化のおかげで私たちは生活の多くを喪失したのではないだろうか。いくつかの点では利益はあったのだけれども。

 

It is true that technology has made cooking much easier than before and benefited us. Especially, electric appliances and many new food products have shortened the cooking time. They have freed women from the burden of preparation of meals. They used to cook all day long. There were no gas stoves, no rice-cookers, or no bottled dressing or sauce, not to speak of precut vegetables. Curry takes hours to make if you start with grinding spices and making fire. Thanks to technological advancement, women today can have some leisure time to do what they want to do. Not only housewives but everyone else does not have to be bothered by food-preparation and can focus on what they think is more important now.

技術が料理を以前よりも容易にして私たちに利益を与えたのは確かだ。特に電化製品と新しい食品は調理時間を短縮した。女性を食事の準備から解放した。彼女たちは以前一日中料理をしていた。ガス台も炊飯器も瓶入りドレッシングやソースもなかったのだ。カット野菜は言わずもがなだ。カレーはスパイスをすりつぶして火をおこすことから始めると作るのに何時間もかかる。技術の進歩のおかげで現在の女性はしたいことをする余暇がある。主婦だけでなく今では他の皆も食事の準備に煩わされなくて済み、より重要だと思うことに集中できる。

 

However, convenience and efficiency have the dark side, which causes decay of the core of life. If a human were a robot, fueling should be as easy and quick as possible, but as we are not machines, we need some time-taking process in eating to be fulfilled. Doctors’ advice to chew your food 30 times a bite to avoid gastrointestinal problems or obesity is not just for digestion but for the nerve-center satisfaction. The Japanese tea ceremony sado is a practice of appreciating each single process of making and drinking a bowl of tea. Perhaps we had better consider why this art became popular not during the aristocratic Heian Era but during the following period of civil wars. During the era when fight and death was common, the art that appreciates a common, or trivial, moment of life rather than efficiency fascinated warlords. Consumption of food is just a piece of life, but it is a significant part of life. In this aspect, the advancement of technology related to diet can mean the cause of degradation of life.

しかし、便利さと効率は悪い面を持っており、これは生活の中心の崩壊を引き起こす。人間がロボットなら燃料補給はできるだけ容易で素早くあるべきだが、私たちは機械ではないので満たされるためには食べる時に時間のかかる過程が必要なのだ。胃腸の問題や肥満を防ぐために一口につき30回噛むようにという医者の助言は単に消化のためだけではなく中枢神経の満足のためだ。日本の茶道は一服のお茶をたてて飲む過程のひとつひとつを愛でる稽古だ。この芸術がなぜ貴族社会の平安時代ではなくそのあとの戦国時代に流行したのかをたぶん考えてみたほうが良いだろう。戦と死が当たり前の時代に効率よりむしろ生活のありきたりな、或いは些細な瞬間を鑑賞する芸術が戦国武将たちを魅了したのだ。食べ物の消費は生活の単なるひとかけらだが生活の重要な一部なのだ。この面において食事に関する技術の進歩は生活の質の低下を意味する可能性がある。

 

We think we control technology to improve our lives, but, as is often said, the fact is that technology controls us and makes our lives miserable. We think that now that we can prepare food easily and quickly, we can have more free time and enjoy life, but actually we have more work to do than before and are getting worn out. Before, we used to eat the same kind of food almost every day. Now, because it is possible, we think we need to eat different dishes every day to enjoy life. It might have become an obsession. We make ourselves prepare a variety of good food every day because technology allows us to do it. This is, honestly, tiring. A farmer’s wife was not blamed for serving the same dish every day 50 years ago, and even a white-collar household having curry three days in a row was not unusual, which I suppose would make many of us envious. Of course, it is fun to have many different eating experiences every day, but it makes us insensitive to changes. For example, feasts for seasonal events are not the feast anymore. As we eat delicious and rare food daily, thanks to the development of technology, feast is not an annual treat anymore, and you order the feast from the store. Making feasts takes time and effort. Thus, it is regarded as a labor. It is no longer an entertainment in disguise of preparation for a celebration. The joy of taking time to get dinner ready is lost. In this way, we are losing the substance of our food cultures, or life itself.

私たちは生活を改善するために技術を管理していると思っているが、よく言われるように実は技術が私たちを管理し生活をみじめにしている。私たちは、もはや食事が簡単に素早く準備できるのでもっと自由時間が取れ人生を楽しめると思っているが実際は以前より多くの仕事が入っており、擦り切れていきつつある。以前はほぼ毎日同じようなものを食べていた。今では可能だから人生を楽しむために違うものを毎日食べる必要があると考える。強迫観念になってしまっているかもしれない。技術によって可能だから毎日様々なおいしい食事を無理して仕度する。これは正直なところ疲れる。50年前農家の妻は毎日同じ料理を出しても非難されなかった。ホワイトカラーの家庭でも3日連続カレーは珍しくなかった。私が思うにこれは私たちの多くがうらやましいと思うだろう。もちろん様々な珍しい食の経験は楽しい。しかしそれにより変化に鈍感になる。例えば季節の催しのごちそうはもはやごちそうではない。技術の進歩のおかげでおいしい珍しい食べ物を日々食べているのでごちそうはもはや年一回の特別な楽しみではないのだ。そしてごちそうは店に注文する。ごちそう作りは手間暇がかかるのだ。だから労働とみなされる。もはや祝祭の準備を装った娯楽ではない。時間をかけて夕食を準備する喜びが失われてしまった。このようにして食文化あるいは人生が形骸化してゆく。

 

The development of technology has done a lot of good to many aspects of our lives, but when it comes to preparing food, I doubt that it is good for our lives as a whole because it is making eating no more than consumption. To me, a quality life is in such a scene as he sings “Curry and Rice” with his guitar while she cooks the namesake, first cutting vegetables and then boiling them with meat, with him repeating the song and smiling at her.　

技術の進歩は私たちの生活の多くの面を改善してきたが食事の準備ということになると全体として私たちの生活をよくしてきたとは思えない。食べることをただの消費にしつつあるのだから。私にとって質の高い生活は、彼女がカレーライスを料理している間彼がギターで「カレーライス」を歌っているような場面の中にある。まず野菜を切って次に野菜を肉と一緒に煮る。彼は歌を繰り返し彼女に微笑みかけている。