TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion Which is better, focusing deeply on fewer subjects or covering a broad range of subjects in high school? (Revised)

Which approach do you think is better, focusing deeply on fewer subjects or covering a broad range of subjects in high school, and why?

 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.     What is high school education for?

2.     Would you like to take any of the following electives if your high school offered them? Why?

Mindfulness, Web Design, Business, Mandarin Chinese, Ceramics, Law, Business, Statistics.

 

 

☆Hints for Points

1.        High school students are still growing. Their interests may not have been fixed, yet.

2.        You can start learning other subjects later in life, while expertise can be gained only at school.

3.        To take liberal arts courses at college, students need a wide range of knowledge.

4.        Many studies in university are interdisciplinary, so you need to be well versed in a variety of subjects.

5.        Many high school students have narrowed down their academic interests according to their aptitudes and characteristics. They may want to be immersed in the subjects they like.

 

 

☆Sample Responses

Sample 1

【Thesis】I agree with Mark and think that learning a wide range of subjects is better for most high school students to prepare for their university education.

【Supporting Details】Many universities offer liberal arts for the first two college years, and these courses require intermediate level knowledge to take. Moreover, university subjects are related to many aspects of our lives, and so a wide range of general knowledge is necessary for comprehension and application of the subjects. Thus, students should be trained in a variety of courses in high school.

【Counterargument-treatment】While acquiring a profound understanding in a specific field would be an achievement as Jessica claims, most high school students are not ready for such endeavor. Rather, they need to have enough general knowledge to follow the wide-range of advanced-level studies to prepare for the comprehension of deep insights later in college.

【Conclusion】Therefore, it is better for high school students to choose the breadth rather than the depth. (155 words)

 

Sample 2

【Thesis】I think it is vital for high school students to delve into the subject of their interest, which facilitates true leaning and lead them to productive life.

【Depth】What makes an individual happy in a true sense is doing what the person likes. Intense and focused learning experiences with passion gives them the experience of getting a life, and this will set the standard of the person’s lifestyle high, which will positively affect many aspects of their lives from studies to work to family life. They can live life based not on someone else’s but on their own value.

【Broadness】On the other hand, browsing many kinds of subjects will help make a well-rounded lifestyle. They sow potential interests in the person’s mind that will blossom later and add a new layer to the person’s life. For example, Classical Chinese may not be drawn on in other majors or at work, but morals and anecdotes in the texts actually deepen numerous moments in everyday life. Be it as it may, serious pursuit of a subject will in the end organically connect to gaining knowledge in a wide range of subjects.

【Conclusion】Hence, learning a limited number of subjects is more suitable to high school students.

(202 words)

 

 

Sample Response Structures

A

【Thesis】

【Supporting Details】

【Counterargument】

【Conclusion】

 

B

【Thesis】

【Depth】

【Broadness】

【Conclusion】

 

C

【Thesis】

【What’s high school for?】

【Which choice is proper?】

【Conclusion】

Write your response in 10 minutes. Show each other your responses. Write down questions or suggestions to each other’s response.

 

                                                   DRAFT

 

 

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

 

Pre-TOEFL Writing What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? (Revised)

Writing topic

People have different ways of escaping stress and difficulties of modern life. Some read; some exercise; others work in their gardens. What do you think are the best ways of reducing stress? Use specific details and examples in your answer.

現代生活のストレスや困難を避ける様々な方法があります。読書をする人もいれば運動する人もいるし、庭仕事をする人もいます。ストレスを減らす最も良い方法は何だと思いますか。答えの中で具体的な詳細と例を使ってください。

 

 

☆Let’s Think 考えてみよう

The expression “the best ways” in the topic is in the plural form, so you are supposed to name more than one best way. To come up with ideas, thinking about what causes stress may help.

トピックの”the best ways”という表現は複数形なので、最善の方法を二つ以上挙げるものと思われている。ストレスの原因を考えるとアイディアを思いつく役に立つかもしれない。

 

 

☆Hints for Points 要点のヒント

1.     to do what you like  e.g. play games, talk with your friends, play sports, etc.

好きなことをする。 例 ゲームをする、友達と話す、スポーツをする等

2.     to avoid stressful events/people   e.g. not to procrastinate, to take a detour, try not to bear unduly, etc.

ストレスのかかる出来事や人を避ける。 例 先延ばしにしない、遠回りする、不当に我慢しないようにする等

3.     to build good relationships with/get along well with others  e.g. to be polite and considerate, etc.

他人と良い関係を築く・うまくやる。 例 礼儀正しくする、思いやりをもつ等

4.     not to worry about small matters  e.g. to learn Buddhism, forgive or get even with bullies, laugh etc.

小さなことを気にしない。例 仏教を学ぶ、いじめをする人は許すかやり返す、笑う等

5.     to stay healthy   e.g. sleep well, avoid unhealthy foods, work out regularly, etc.

健康を保つ。 例 よく睡眠をとる、不健康な食べ物を避ける、定期的に運動する等

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structures エッセイ構成例

Sample 1  例１

【Introduction = Outline】Each person has his or her own ways of escaping stress because stressors differ from person to person. I make it a rule to exercise prudence and listen to music for the purpose.

【Point 1】Prudence helps avoid getting yourself involved in stressful event.  e.g. putting yourself in someone’s shoes

【Point 2】My favorite kind of music makes me relaxed.

【Counterargument-treatment】I sometimes eat sweets to feel good, but the effect wears off in a short time.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】Learning what causes stress and trying to cope with the problem may be practical.

【導入＝概要】ストレス要因は人それぞれ違うのでストレスを避ける方法はその人自身の方法がある。個人的には、その目的のために思慮深くして音楽を聴くようにしている。

【要点1】思慮深くするとストレスのかかる出来事に関わるのを避ける助けとなる。 例 人の身になって考える

【要点2】お気に入りの種類の音楽でリラックスする。

【反論処理】気分良くなるために甘いものを時々食べるが効果は短時間で弱まる。

【結論】ストレスの原因を学びその問題に対処しようと努めることが実際的かもしれない。

 

Note: 「ストレスを解消する」release stress, relieve stress, blow off steam

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development 段落展開例

Sample 1

【Main Idea】Prudence helps avoid getting yourself involved in stressful events.

【Supporting Details】Many stressful events are actually backfires you get because of your careless actions. For example, you may not want to point out a mistake of a short-tempered person who happens to be in a bad mood, because doing it will make the person explode, and you will get stressed out. The same can be said to anyone, who has feelings and can be offended more or less if you are not attentive. Even though not many people are spiteful, what goes around comes around, and you may well pay the price in the form of stress in the end.

【Wrap-up】By being thoughtful, you can be free from stress in many cases.

【主張】思慮深くするとストレスのかかる出来事に関わるのを避ける助けとなる。

【詳細】多くのストレスのかかる出来事は実は自らの不注意な行動のゆえに受ける反撃なのだ。例えばたまたま虫の居所の悪い短気な人の失敗を指摘したいとは思わないだろう。そうすればその人はきっと爆発して自分にストレスがかかるから。同じことが誰にでも言える。人には感情があり注意していなければ多かれ少なかれ気を悪くする。執念深い人は多くはないが因果応報で最終的にはストレスの形で自分が代償を支払う可能性は十分にある。

【まとめ】思慮深くすることによって多くの場合ストレスをなくすことができる。

 

Sample 2  例２

【Main Idea】I relax by listening to my favorite kind of music.

【Supporting Details】Music takes me to a different world away from tough reality. While listening to the songs I like, I forget stressful things. This makes my mind lighter. I think that the physical aspect of music, the sound wave, has the power to relax us, too. I will not be surprised if there is a study showing that a certain kind of sound waves slows heart rate and lowers blood pressure.

【Wrap-up】Music eases our body and mind.

【主張】お気に入りの種類の音楽を聴くことによってリラックスする。

【詳細】音楽はきつい現実から違う世界に連れて行ってくれる。好きな曲を聴いている間ストレスのかかることを忘れる。これにより心が軽くなる。音楽の物理的な面である音波もリラックスさせる力があると思う。もしある種の音波が心拍をゆっくりさせ血圧を下げるということを示す研究があっても驚かないだろう。

【まとめ】音楽は心身を楽にする。