TEOFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion Uniform policy in high school (Revised)

Some people argue that uniforms promote equality and reduce distractions, while others believe that they stifle individuality and self-expression. Given these perspectives, do you think it is better for high school students to have to wear uniforms？

 

 

 

☆Let’s think

1.        What kind of people wear uniforms? Why do they wear uniforms, or why are they made to wear uniforms?

2.        Which is the dress code of your school, uniform policy or no-uniform policy? Do you like it? Why/Why not?

 

 

☆Hints for Points for Discussion

Uniform policy

1.       Uniforms help equal treatment. The policy is fair for students with financial difficulties.

2.       Uniforms make it clear that school is the place to study.

3.       Uniforms are for protection. High schools should exercise restrictions on some aspects of students’ life.

4.       Uniforms help develop the sense of belonging, or love for the school.

 

No-uniform policy

1.       To make students wear uniforms violates their freedom. It is to monitor and control students.

2.       No-uniform policy helps understand and nurture liberty and individuality, leading to independence.

3.       Freer dress codes help students express themselves, experiment with new modes, or nurture creativity.

4.       Everyday clothes are comfortable and reasonably priced.

 

 

☆Sample Responses

A.

【Thesis】High schools should respect their students’ autonomy and should not force them to wear uniforms.

【Supporting Details】Clothing is an indicator of personality, and a uniform is a label of a social status, an icon of an occupation and the lank. Thus, a person in a certain uniform is expected to play a certain role and behave accordingly. Military officers, medical personnel, restaurant workers, kindergarten pupils, and inmates are in uniforms, and they are expected to behave as society expects them to. A person wearing a high school uniform, therefore, is expected to behave as a minor and act in a way that matches the image of the school the uniform represents. Like a jar of jam with a label, students in uniforms are judged and treated uniformly. This will not only discourage students from having self-respect or modesty but also negatively affects their emotional development as citizens. They are half-adults who are in the period of life when their world view and identity is challenged and reestablished. The uniform policy limits this transformation by explicitly showing that they are watched and controlled, making them uncritical and irresponsible to society and to themselves.

【Counterargument-treatment】Although there is a practical advantage that school uniforms lessen discrimination based on inequality as Emily points out, no-uniform policy can avoid inequality with certain dress codes, while the restriction of individuality with uniforms is difficult to address other than abolishing the rule.

【Conclusion】High school students should be treated as an individual with a distinct personality with freedom, independence, and individuality. School has no authority to limit them by demanding them wear uniforms.

 (265 words)

 

B.

【Main Idea】I think it is better for students to be required to wear uniforms because uniforms contribute to fairness.

【Supporting Details】This is because uniforms can prevent wealth gap from being revealed. Under the no-uniform policy, rich students will naturally come to school in high-quality, stylish attire, and poor students keep wearing what they can afford for years. This difference can lead to separation, discrimination and even bullying, Students may not show such problems on the surface, but according to a professor, school is a closed space where even the smallest difference can make one ostracized. Till they go to university and acquire freedom to escape from belligerence, high school students, especially the vulnerable ones, need to be protected from harassments and attacks by wearing in the same clothes as others are wearing.

【Counterargument-treatment】The claim of James that uniforms restricts freedom of expression could be true, but students can exercise it during their free time.

【Conclusion】

School should provide the environment for students to be able to focus on their studies without worries, and uniform policy facilitates its realization.

 (175 words)

TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion Is it acceptable to keep animals in zoos? (Revised)

Some people argue that zoos play an important role in conservation, education, and research, providing a safe environment for endangered species. Others believe that keeping animals in captivity is inherently cruel, as it deprives them of their natural habitats. Given these perspectives, do you think it is acceptable to keep animals in zoos? Explain your opinion on this question by offering specific reasons and examples.

 

 

☆Let’s Think

	Conservation	Education	Research	Others
Pros.
Cons.

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Acceptable

1.        Zoos contribute to protecting wild life. Today’s zoos provide a better environment for animals to live in than their natural habitat. Animals in zoos live longer than their counterparts in the wild. Also, endangered species are successfully kept, bred, and returned successfully into the wild.

2.        Zoos provide educational opportunities to learn about life and the importance of conserving the environment. Open display shows the characteristic behaviors of animals.

3.        Observations of animals in zoos can facilitate studies of species, especially those endangered.

 

Unacceptable

1.        The contribution of zoos to conservation is not substantial because the original environment of the endangered animals has been lost or changed. Sending them back to nature usually fails. Rather than fumbling with the reproduction of individual species, it is vital to clean and revive the environment as pollution has even had negative impacts on the health and reproduction of us humans. Removal of toxins like chemical fertilizers, microplastic, and PFAS from the entire ecosystem should be the top priority.

2.        The educational value of zoos is questionable. Animals in zoos look and act differently from those in the wild. Also, it is ethically wrong to show children the practice of keeping life in confinement.

3.        Displaying animals in cages violates animal rights. It is no better than a freak show. Humans should evolve to have no zoos in the future. True animal lovers are to go into the wild themselves, not the other way (a)round.

4.        Zoos are bad for animal welfare. The place animals are kept is unnatural, unclean, and stressful. No matter how much improvement has been made, the artificial environment is no match for the natural environment. Also, studies show that animals have more delicate brain activities than we think, something similar to our emotions and thought. Thus, confined animals might be aware of the situation they are in and suffering. In fact, zoo animals often display mental distress such as behavioral disorder and hair loss.

 

 

☆Sample Response

【Thesis】Of the three points to support zoos the professor mentions－conservation, education, and research－ the second seems especially vulnerable. Keeping life in enclosure for education is unnecessary and corrupting.

【Supporting Details】Although the role zoos play in the study of non-indigenous animals is always pointed out to prove their legitimacy, animals in captivity look and behave differently from those in the wild as they are confined in a limited space away from their natural habitat. Birds in cages, for instance, not only look miserable but cannot demonstrate their ability to fly to the full. Even the least active birds that stay within their territory fly around within a circle several kilometers in diameter, many of them flying more than 100 meters high in the air. No zoos can fully recreate this condition for their birds, and when birds are not free to fly, they are not exactly birds as an existence. Videos and books can provide more quality information of ornithology, and the same can be said about other creatures in the zoo. Interactions with real animals may be effective for learning about life and nurturing love of nature, but it is not essential. Daily experiences with domestic animals and common wild life are sufficient for the purpose. At any rate, most people go to the zoo not for study but for entertainment, few reading the information cards in front of the cages. In the end, blind acceptance of exploitation of living things for our benefit makes children ignorant or hypocritical of animal rights and animal welfare, which would be detrimental to the development of their sense of ethics and distort their understanding of reality. It may even help build the foundation of a sadistic attitude towards the voiceless.

【Conclusion】Therefore, zoos are not in the least acceptable for educational purposes. (297words)

 

TOEFL iBT A small private dorm room or a larger dorm room with a roommate? (Revised)

If you had the choice, would you prefer a small private room or a larger room with a roommate, and why?

 

 

☆Let’s Think

Let’s make sure the choices you have, and imagine what the life would be like in each case.

A small private room                 A larger room with a roommate

            

 

 

1)     Have you ever lived in a dorm room? If you have, was it a small private room or a large room with a roommate? Share the experience?

2)     Talk about “social aspects and shared experiences of a larger room with a roommate” the professor mentions. What exactly are they?

3)     Would you like to prioritize privacy or social life in college? Why or why not?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Good points of a small private dorm room

・Peace of mind is easier to get.

・It provides you with a choice to be alone if you live in a single room.

 

Good points of a larger dorm room with a roommate

・Living with your roommate as if you were siblings would be enjoyable and memorable.

・Room-sharing makes you patient and mature and helps you acquire social skills necessary after graduation.

 

 

☆Sample Responses  

Sample A

【Thesis】I would choose a large dorm room with a roommate for special experiences.

【Single Room】Solitude and privacy a small single room protects and relaxation and daydreaming it allows are attractive, considering hard work and socialization in college. However, it may make me miss the essence of dorm life because a single dormitory room is not so different from my bedroom in my parents’ house. When you close the door, you shut out the outside world.

【Shared Room】On the other hand, room-sharing is a special experience I can only have during college years. I have a partner to share most of my life there. We could talk all night and share our thoughts and feelings about everything of our interest. If lucky, we can be life-time friends. It can be a start of my networking as Emily points out. Even if my roommate and I are not compatible, it will be a good experience to live with someone of my age.

【Conclusion】College life is not only for studies but also for experiences and bonding. To make my college life more meaningful for that matter, I would prefer a large dormitory room with a roommate. (191 words)

 

Sample B

【Thesis】I would choose a small single room because I would like to prioritize peace of mind.

【Supporting Details】Anyone must be alone for a certain time every day for reflection and imagination to stay mentally healthy. We also need it for personal growth, which is based on an awareness of individuality.

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that you might sometimes feel lonely to be in a single room, but you can invite dorm mates or friends or go out to see people anytime. Also, loneliness may catch you even in the presence of a companion. To feel that you are really not alone, something like a strong interest which you can share with others is necessary, and you don’t always share it with your roommate. In terms of friendships, you can find them anywhere, in class, at a cafeteria, online, or in books.

【Conclusion】Therefore, I prefer a small private room to secure precious personal time and space. (147 words)

Write your response in 10 minutes. Show each other your responses. Write down questions or suggestions to each other’s response.

 

Write your draft. Then read each other’s draft, asking questions and making counterarguments.

 

                                                   DRAFT

 

 

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

                                                                                                                          

TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion "Have instant messaging and digital communication improved or hindered our ability to form meaningful relationships?" (Revised)

Have instant messaging and digital communication improved or hindered our ability to form meaningful relationships?

 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.        Have you ever felt that digital communication is shallow? If so, share the experience with others.

e.g. exchange with your family and friends, sharing ideas about a project in a group, apologizing, etc.

 

2.        Read the following excerpt from a Nature article, and answer the following question:

Question: Put the following three types of communication in the order of predictability of, importance for, mental health during the pandemic.

 

【digital text communication, videoconferencing, face-to-face communication】

 

1.                             2.                             3.

 

 

Discussion: Our results are clear: face-to-face communication was much more important for lockdown mental health than digital communication. Similarly, a longitudinal study from the advent of the Internet in the 1990s found that more Internet use led to less face-to-face contact and increases in depression and loneliness—it seems that this overall picture has not much changed until today. The multitude of digital communication devices and services available in the Western world still appear to be unequal substitutes for face-to-face interaction still being ‘the gold standard’. That said, our results also suggest that digital text communication was meaningfully predictive of mental health, albeit to a lesser extent than face-to-face communication. Interestingly, both face-to-face communication and digital text communication were stronger predictors of lockdown mental health than either physical and outdoor activity—two established positive predictors of mental health.

Why is face-to-face communication so much more important for mental health than digital communication? Researchers have long noted that far less information about the social context is available in the digital than in the face-to-face setting, such as the cues about the personality and social status of the communication partners (as displayed through e.g., clothing and behavior), or social norms (e.g., who sits where in a conference room). The depersonalization and deindividualization of communication partners in the digital setting may explain why digital communication is less relevant for mental health than face-to-face communication (depersonalization theory). Social engagement and attachment theory suggests that cues such as body language, voice pitch, mimic, eye gaze, and head position allow both the expression and reception of social cues, which in turn reduce the perceived psychological distance between communication partners. Digital communication may not activate the largely subconscious, neurophysiological tools which have evolved in order to help humans determine who is friend, and who is foe.

Against the backdrop of depersonalization theory as well as social engagement and attachment theory, it is curious that digital text communication was much more predictive of lockdown mental health than videoconferencing, even though videoconferencing allows communication partners to experience many more visual and audible cues than digital text communication. Recent research and anecdotal reports show that videoconferencing can cause adverse effects such as mental tiredness (‘Zoom fatigue’); anxiety due to a focus on appearance, prolonged eye contact, larger faces due to screen size, and the perceived dominance of a communication partner due to low camera position; and cognitive burden due to the slight technological asynchrony of video calls. Furthermore, it could be that in our sample videoconferencing was predominantly used in work situation and less private situations because many companies sent their employees into home-office to work from there. More detailed research on the mental health costs and benefits of videoconferencing is urgently needed, particularly because videoconferencing is increasingly discussed as an effective means for delivering psychotherapy and telehealth. A further important avenue for future research may be to explore whether using virtual reality glasses to interact with an avatar of a communication partner would have a similar effect on mental health as face-to-face communication, as the interaction would be experienced visually as well as physically.

Conclusion: In conclusion, despite living in a highly technological world, particularly in industrialized western nations, the numerous technological devices and services available cannot replace the mental health and well-being benefits of in-person communication. The future will show whether further technological advances, such as 5G or virtual reality, can elevate our online social communication to a level comparable to a real-life face-to-face interaction.  (Underlined by yours truly Sasaki)

 

 

☆Hints for Points

・Texting increases chances to contact people, including school counsellors or dentists.

・Important communication such as apologizing is done face-to-face.

・Texting is much less effective in expressing personality or individuality than communicating in person.

・Digital communication allows you to take time in deep thought in exchanging ideas about a project or making a suggestion to your community members.

・Opportunities of personal communication have reduced because of the frequent use of e-mail.

・People are enjoying their personal communication more than ever by e-mailing and text messaging.

・Information Technology has deprived us much of the personal area in our communication.

・In some cases, e-mail seems to make personal communication more possible than before.

 

 

☆Sample Responses   The underlined parts are mentions to counter-argument.

Sample A

I mostly agree with Jane in that digital communication enhances our ability to build meaningful relationships. As she says, online communication helps us overcome space-time barrier in communication and allow us to contact people anywhere anytime, exchanging messages at our convenience. Moreover, it allows shy people to express themselves more freely than in interaction in person. These functions increase chances to know each other more well or have more intimate interactions with those who we already know. The caveat is that digital communication, including video messages, cannot beat interactions with real humans in non-virtual settings. No matter how much these tools get sophisticated and allow us interactions accompanied by non-verbal communication, the interactions realized by them cannot displace warmth of the existence of other human beings Thus, digital communication is effective in bonding only as a compensation for in-person communication. (140 words)

 

Sample B

I agree with Jeff in terms of shallowness of digital communication. Although the technology provides us with more opportunities to interact with others, short and quick messaging makes us tend to send cookie-cutter comments or replies. Sometimes, we just send an emoji or a link without any lines. These interactions lack personality and individuality. For example, a line “Thank you” lacks personal touch because it is not accompanied by voice or facial expression. It is the same “Thank you” no matter who puts it. A heart mark could mean great but it could also mean just “Ok” or “Read”. A thumb-up emoji fails to convey our individual feelings of praise, appreciation, or gratitude. They are unified into the same cheap icon. I sometimes feel totalitarianism in responding to a message with others in a Line group, and totalitarianism or fascism means death of individualism and freedom. This deteriorates our ability to have rich, meaningful communication that could be naturally done in face-to-face communication.

(163 words)

 

Sample C

In terms of intimate communication, the total time we spend on it seems to have reduced since the advent of digital communication. What used to be done in person before is now done online. Mother-and-child exchanges are often through text messages. Business is often done only by digital communication. It is not uncommon that business associates who have never met or even talked on the phone have been working on a project together through e-mailing for years. In this circumstance, personal interactions will be extremely reduced as business messages are supposed to be detached unlike direct communication. These losses of direct communication weaken relationships and human networks. Meanwhile, text messaging and emails can also contribute close-knit relationships. They help people overcome the constraints of time and space. Family and friends can contact each other even when they are away from each other and even while they are at work or in class. This was impossible before the services were available. However, it must be remembered that this enhancement of bonding is possible only when good relationships already exist. Thus, in general, digital communication is making us more separated than close-knit. (190 words)

 

Sample D

I cannot take a stand. On the one hand, digital communication is only a technology, which might not be powerful enough to fundamentally change our communication, which depends on various factors like personalities and social skills. On the other hand, signs of gains and losses it has caused in our communication are abundant. For example, social media allow us, including strangers, to know each other more than ever because numerous personal opinions, photos, and information of other kind that would not have been shared before are online for everyone to see, owing to casualness of texting and anonymity, which lower hesitation to show vulnerabilities. The sunny side of this open and inclusive nature of the online environment is that chances to share the deeper layers of our mind are higher than before, although this does not always help build good relationships in the real world, where individuals are not free from various constraints of life such as character and personal history. The dark-side of it are online witch hunts, mass public shaming, bullying, and brainwashing to name a few that lead to isolation, division, and hate, which seriously affect the real-world relationships. (192 words)

Write your draft. Then read each other’s draft, asking questions and making counterarguments.

 

                                                   DRAFT