TOEFL iBT Independent Writing, How computers have changed our lived -partly rewritten-

Writing Topic

Many people feel that computers have been the biggest change in human life in recent decades. How do you think computers have affected the world we live in?

 

☆Let’s think

The expression in the first sentence “the biggest change in human life” means a large scale of impact on our lives like those of typography, electricity, or penicillin that brought fundamental changes in man’s life. The first sentence, therefore, means that the influence of computers on human life is comparable to these revolutionary changes.

 

The question starts with the word “How.” This word is about scales and characteristics. Thus this question is not about right/wrong but about quality and quantity. Although of course good/bad effects can be included in the list of changes caused by computers, you do not have to decide whether the development of the computer-based world is good or not.

 

☆Note

Computers are not only desktop/laptop computers but also those embedded in other machines: cell-phones, electric dictionaries, elevators, ATM, industrial robots, etc.

 

☆Hints for points

Examples of changes:

♦Study: paper dictionary → electric dictionary;  research at the library → on the web (e.g. Wikipedia)

♦Business: making documents with pen, scissors, and paste → on a desktop, laptop, tablet, or smart phone; storing documents in cabinets → in servers; R&D, production, or distribution by humans → computer networks and robots

♦Travel: travel agents making arrangements for you → buying tickets and making hotel reservations directly online by yourself

♦Household work: by hand  or machines without computers → machines with computers; information through family members and neighbors → the Internet

♦Communication: letter → e-mail/text-messaging; international phone call → Skype; fixed phone → mobile phone; direct (face-to-face or on the phone) → indirect (through mails/texts/social networking services like Facebook)

♦Entertainment: board game → video game, CD → iPod, handmade animation → CG, video shop → YouTube free download

♦Medicine: much faster research and development, equipment with built-in computers such as hospital facilities and artificial arms and legs, treatments of patients in remote areas through the Internet

 

The characteristic of the changes brought by computers:

faster/more efficient, more accurate, better designed, more entertaining, compact, interactive (e.g. TV viewers passively receiving information actively participating in the programs by commenting through twitter), more open/inclusive/democratic/decentralized (e.g. more information is available to the public and more people can participate), global, much larger scale (e.g. Pentagon Paper – 4000 pages of documents → WikiLeaks leak by Bradley Manning – hundreds of thousands of documents and a video in a memory stick and some CDs), more dependent on technology (spell-checkers, navigators), change of thought (e.g. communication only by e-mails/texts, concept of friends through SNS, sharing the same culture worldwide on YouTube)

 

☆Essays for ideas and expressions

1) Barron’s How to Prepare for the TOEFL Essay

     Almost everything these days is done with the help of a computer. Computers make communication much more convenient. They make many tasks of daily life easier. They help many people do their jobs better. Overall, computers have made life easier and more convenient for everybody.

     Through the Internet, computers make communication much more convenient. E-mail makes it possible to communicate with people instantly at any time of day. This is important for both our work and our personal lives. The Internet makes it possible to find out the latest news right away―even if it is news that happens someplace far away. The Internet makes it possible to get almost any kind of information from any place quickly, right in your own home or office.

     Although we may not realize it, computers make many daily tasks easier. Checkout lines at stores move faster because a computer scans the prices. The bank manages your account more easily because of computers. The weatherman reports the weather more accurately with the help of computers. A computer is involved in almost everything we do, or that is done for us.

     Most people these days do their jobs with the help of a computer. Architects use computer programs to help them design buildings. Teachers use computers to write their lessons and get information for their classes. Pilots use computers to help them fly planes. With the help of computers, people can do complicated jobs more easily.

     We are living in the computer age. We can now do more things and do them more easily than we could before. Our personal and professional lives have improved because of computers.

 

2)

The impact of the computer is like that of electricity. Supply of electricity has totally changed all people’s lives, from dark to light, from tiresome to easy, or from unthinkable to possible, and opened a new era. Computers also have transformed the world dramatically into the one where we can no longer live without them, different lifestyles and new things are created, and more democratic society has become possible.

 

Just like electricity, computers have become ubiquitous and indispensable. They are in almost all kinds of machines such as cell-phones, TVs, elevators, cash machines, factory robots, medical equipment, and air traffic control systems. A day would not pass without them. Also, the computer has become part of infrastructure. The Internet connects the world and facilitates business, communication and many other activities. No organization can function well, totally cut off from the Internet.

 

The computer has changed how things are done and has created new things. It facilitates faster, more accurate, and better designed jobs from calculation and document-making to trading to spaceship building. Household work is not an ordeal anymore thanks to electric appliances with built-in computers. As the computer evolves, scientific research and development is exponentially expedited and art and entertainment create things that did not exist in the pre-computer age. The World Wide Web has globalized everyday communication. People can now receive and, more importantly, send out information across the world.

 

The computer has given people chances to change systems for the better, into more decentralized and transparent ones. In business, small business owners can now sell their products directly to consumers online, thus reshaping the distribution channels. In politics, employees who happen to find concealed information that the general public should know such as war crimes or corruptions can reveal it through whistle-blowing websites such as WikiLeaks by sending massive amounts of raw data anonymously, and people who are more informed now owing to such leaks can organize nationwide demonstrations with worldwide supports to stand up against corrupt leaders using social networking services such as Twitter and Facebook.

 

I think it can be said that many more people’s lives have become more colorful and freer than before since Windows 95 made it possible for most businesses and ordinary citizens to make use of personal computers and fiber-optic cables connected continents. Although there are concerns about problems related to computer use and occasional nostalgia for life before computers, the computer keeps breaking new ground and benefitting people. It is a phenomenon of the scale that involves all the people on this planet whether they have it or not and whether they like it or not.

 

 

☆One-paragraph essay

Sample

【Main Idea = Outline】 ≪The characteristic of the changes brought by computers≫

We can no longer live without computers.

【First notable change】

Computers have become ubiquitous and indispensable.

e.g. cell-phones, TVs, elevators, business, communication, …

【Second notable change】

The computer has changed how things are done and has created new things.

e. g. faster and better jobs, R & D, interactive communication, …

【Third notable change】

The computer has given people chances to change systems into more decentralized and transparent ones.  e.g. direct transaction, social media, …

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】≪How you think computers affected our lives≫

People’s lives have become more colorful and freer than before.

 

Your one paragraph essay

【Main Idea = Outline】 ≪The characteristic of the changes brought by computers≫

 

【First notable change】

 

 

【Second notable change】

 

 

【Third notable change】

 

 

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】≪How you think computers affected our lives≫

 

 

 

☆Paragraph development

A paragraph of the body of an essay often develops its main idea as follows:

【Main Idea】Computers have made people’s lives easier and lighter.

【Explanation】 They have made it possible to do activities more efficiently, for instance.

【Detail / Example】 They help us with household work, study, and almost all kinds of jobs.

【More Specific Detail / Example】Computers embedded in appliances support our cleaning, washing, and cooking. The Internet enables students to do research faster and more extensively, and various applications help make documents and charts, calculate, or manage schedule.

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】It is true that not all people benefit from computers and there are many drawbacks in life with computers. Still less than only 30 % of the world population actually have computers. Only rich countries benefit from computer technology to the full, and climate change and much of environmental destruction have been accelerated by the technology made possible by computers. However, it is also true that people in poor countries are indirectly helped by the computer. For example, even people in remote areas in Africa and Asia now have cell-phones, supply of goods has been expedited by computers, and Arab Spring would not have been possible without WWW.

【Conclusion】 Both directly and indirectly, computers have been powerfully supporting lives of people all over the world.

 

Your test paragraph development

Now let’s practice paragraph development. Choose one of the points you have come up with, make it the main idea, and develop it using the following form. As this is a tentative part of your real essay, use simple words and sentences for supporting details and focus on the logic and ideas.

【Main Idea】

 

 

【Explanation】

 

 

 

【Detail / Example】

 

 

 

【More Specific Detail / Example】

 

 

 

 

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

 

 

 

 

【Conclusion】

 

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing, Life full of change or stability - partly rewritten -

☆Writing Topic

There are some people who like adventure and new experiences. They are not afraid to take risks, and they enjoy change in their lives. Other people prefer stable and predictable lifestyles. They do not often change their habits, and they value safety. Compare these two approaches to life. Which approach do you prefer? Explain why.

 

☆Let’s think

A. This writing topic has three parts: 1) premises  2) a direction 3) a question.

1)    Premises: Introduction of two types of approaches to life: adventurous or safety-oriented.

2)    The direction: You are required to deal with both types and compare them.

3)    The question: The question is about your “preference” not “objective judgment.” Therefore, you can be subjective as well as objective when you make your choice.

 

B. In reality, an individual’s life is usually a mixture of both approaches. You try to protect what you have already got while you sometimes want change. Thus, you might well be tempted to write, “I cannot say which I prefer.” To be sure, to not choose and to explain why you do not is a way to answer a choice question. Though in this case the essay may become predictable; it is like explaining why you cannot choose between a free bird and a pet dog as your reincarnation when asked by your friends. You are expected to show what kind of person you are by your choice. This writing topic can be interpreted as a question about your view of life. Committing to either choice might make your essay more interesting. Think of a critical choice like one between studying abroad and accepting a job that you liked during the internship. Which would you chose? Your reaction to this question would help you answer the question of this writing topic.

 

☆Hints for points

♦Adventurous approach to life: varieties of experiences, encounters with many different kinds of people, strong interest in new things, life full of excitement and surprise, introducing new things into society, making unexpected discoveries, flexible, tolerant toward different ideas and tastes, progressive, often misunderstood by others, full of danger and loss, “A rolling stone gathers no moss.”

 

♦Safety-oriented approach to life: safe and peaceful life, satisfied with what they have and want to protect it, can know one thing/person really well, cautious of uncertainty, skeptical of new and strange things, can miss opportunities, old-fashioned, can be considered boring, cannot adapt to inevitable changes, You cannot say that you are really living if you keep avoiding new things: “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” (Neale Donald Walsch)

 

♦Decisive reason for your preference: way of life (offensive / defensive), character (active / passive), role model (family member, the person you admire, famous people)

 

 

☆One-paragraph essay

Now let’s write a one-paragraph essay so that you can use it as the framework of your full essay:

Sample one-paragraph essay:

【Introduction = Main Idea = Outline】

I consider myself more on the side of welcoming changes by nature.

【Adventurous approach to life】

Adventurous people want to get the most out of life and they often bring about change to society. They contribute to evolution and revolution. However, they often face great dangers and losses.

【Safety-oriented approach to life】

People who stick to their habits and value safety and stability can avoid big mistakes and embarrassment. Their priority is to protect what has been proved secure and beneficial. They help retain culture and tradition while they tend to lose opportunities.

【Your preference】

As for me, changes and adventure make me feel alive.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Nothing stays the same forever, so appreciating changes would help make life more enjoyable.

 

 

Your one-paragraph essay:

【Introduction = Main Idea = Outline】

 

 

【Adventurous approach to life】

 

 

【Safety-oriented approach to life】

 

 

【Your preference】

 

 

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

 

 

 

☆Essay for ideas and expressions

It is true that some people have a more positive attitude toward change and anticipation of danger than others, who put more effort into maintaining what they already have. I think both are reasonable approaches to life, but I consider myself more on the side of the former because I cannot help trying something new by nature.

 

Adventurous people approach changes like a child spotting a new ride in an amusement park. They want to get the most out of life and feel that staying the same is the end of life. They are usually very interesting people and have the strength and grace of a person who has dared to take risks. They often bring about change to society. Entrepreneurs, explorers and probably the first humans who used fire are people of this kind. They contribute to evolution and revolution.

 

People who stick to their habits and value safety and stability can avoid big mistakes and embarrassment. They never gamble and lose money. They never stand out and become a target of bullying. These people are keenly aware of the negative effects of changes and human weakness―well-intentioned new attempts often go awry like the failure of communism in Russia. Their priority is to protect what has been proved secure and beneficial. They help retain culture and tradition.

 

Of course there are drawbacks in both approaches to life. Adventurous people often face great dangers and losses like bankruptcy or death, while safety-oriented people tend to lose opportunities, for luck and fun are often in the new and strange. In either case, whether you feel that you are really alive with the approach or not might count, and it seems to depend on personalities. Some find true joy of life in peaceful and warm everyday life, others feel alive only when facing something new and extraordinary.

 

As for me, changes and adventure make me feel alive. I become full of energy and enthusiasm when changes come to my life and repetition makes me start thinking about something else. A new job always makes me focused and when I have established the routine of the work, I cannot stand following it and before I know I alter some part of it. I enjoy seeing more and more foreigners coming into my country just because they are people I am not familiar with, and I am all for new ideas and systems if I find them fundamentally good. In fact, if I could, I would keep traveling around the world or working for new projects of good causes and might forget to come home.

 

Nothing stays the same forever. The essence of life is change. Then appreciating changes, rather than fearing or just accepting them, would help make life more enjoyable. If you take one step further and risk your life in something for a good purpose, no matter how tiny an experiment it might be, I think you will go through a meaningful moment of life.

 

TOEFL Independent Writing, Should Smoking be banned? -rewrite-

Writing Topic

Some people think that smoking cigarettes should become illegal, since it provides little benefit and a great deal of health risk, others feel that individuals should be free to smoke cigarettes if they choose to do so. Do you think cigarette smoking should be stopped by making it illegal or should it remain legal?

☆ Writing Topic with hints

The question itself is simple: Should cigarette smoking be illegal or not? However, before the question, this topic has hints for you to consider. You could either discuss the topic focusing on the hints or add your own view point, although it might not be wise to entirely ignore the point of the hints. In this topic, the point of the hints is the choice between prioritizing individuals’ health and respecting freedom and personal responsibility. In other words, this question can be translated as follows: Should cigarette smoking be illegal to protect one’s health or legal to respect one’s freedom and personal responsibility?

☆ Hints for points

♦Cigarette smoking should be illegal because …

1. it is toxic and causes cancer and other serious diseases.

2. it is addictive.

3. there is the problem of second-hand smoke/smoking.

- Counterarguments: 1) There are measures to take to prevent second-hand smoke such as separate-smoking and ban on smoking in public areas. (Smoking will remain legal while smoking in certain areas will be illegal.) ⇔ These measures are not practical because there are many smokers who do not comply with the rules and you cannot catch or shut up smoke completely. 2) Banning smoking will undermine the economy. ⇔ Some estimate shows that the smoking related loss, mainly medical costs, surpasses the loss caused by tobacco ban. Even though the estimate is not flawless given other factors such as unhealthy lifestyle and environmental pollution, it is intuitively convincing, since fixing something costs more than destroying it in general.

- Conclusion: To protect public health, individual freedom can be limited.

♦Cigarette smoking should not be illegal because …

1. you have the right to do whatever you want to do even if it endangers your health.

2. other dangerous things such as alcoholic drinks or mountain climbing are not illegal. Also, there are things of indulgence that we do not like or that are not good but requires tolerance, for example, food with strong odor, death metal, saggy pants, or binge drinking.

3. smoking is a necessary evil like drinking and gambling because

a) it helps smokers release stress

b) it is an established part of economy. If cigarettes are banned, the economy will be affected. e.g the tobacco industry, coffee shops, music clubs, etc. and tax revenue (1 trillion yen in 2009 to 23 billion yen in 2010: 63% decrease after tobacco tax raise) Cigarette industry would go underground if banned. As in the case of cannabis, making it available to the public will reduce the number of addicts and dealers.

- Counterarguments: 1) Secondhand smoke harms other people. ⇔ Only public smoking should be banned.  2) Tobacco ban will protect the young. ⇔  Many young people are attracted to things banned by the authorities. If smoking stays legal, most young people will choose not to smoke through informed decision or after experimenting with it a little.

- Conclusion: As long as measures are taken to prevent second-hand smoking, the choice between health and fun should be left to each individual.

☆One-paragraph essay = the framework of the full essay

Now let’s write a one-paragraph essay so that you can use it as a framework of your full essay.

Sample one-paragraph essay

【Main Idea = Outline】 I agree/disagree with --- because …

Cigarettes should be made illegal to protect younger generations and to solve the problem of second-hand smoke.

【Reason 1】

The number of those who start smoking can be greatly reduced.

【Reason 2】

The problem of second-hand smoke separates it from other indulgences.

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

It is true that tobacco is not as dangerous as illegal drugs and the tobacco industry is an important part of our economy. However, when the public health is at risk, the government should and can take measures.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

I am convinced that cigarette smoking should be banned because it will improve public health, especially that of the next generation.

Your one-paragraph essay:

【Main Idea = Outline】 I agree/disagree with --- because …

【Reason 1】

【Reason 2】

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Note: A counterargument is a rebuttal that can be easily expected. While writing an essay, sometimes you ask yourself, “Well, but what about this case? My point is vulnerable to it.” Then this “this case” is the counterargument. Hitting a counterargument is a chance to grade up your essay because you have found an untied end of a rope (your logic). If you can tie it well, you can confirm your point, making your essay more persuasive. Thus, taking up a counterargument when necessary is important to get a higher score. You can deal with a counterargument in an appropriate part of a paragraph or use a whole paragraph to deal with it

☆ Essay for Ideas and Expressions

A heavy smoker’s family loses him twice. Long before he dies of a disease which seems to be related to this unhealthy habit of his, when they realize that they are helpless in making him quit smoking, they start a silent but desperate mourning of his early death. It is the same sadness that they share with families of drug addicts. It is the sadness to see him die day by day. Still, this is actually a minor aspect of the tragedy of tobacco. Even though it might be difficult to put in practice because of smokers’ feelings and economic circumstances, cigarettes should be made illegal to protect younger generations and to solve the problem of second-hand smoke.

By making smoking illegal, the number of those who start smoking can be greatly reduced. Smokers find it difficult, and many of them believe it unnecessary, to quit smoking even though it has been scientifically proved that smoking causes lung cancer and other diseases. This is because smoking is addictive. When some toxic substance is addictive, making it illegal is one of the effective ways to reduce its harm. This is especially effective in preventing those who are not addicted, mostly the young, from initiating the use, since people usually stay away from things that are illegal.

Smoking seems to be a necessary evil and a matter of self-responsibility just like drinking and gambling, but the problem of second-hand smoke separates it from other indulgences. Cigarette smoke directly harms those who are around. Children of smokers are more susceptible to respiratory diseases than those of non-smokers, and many people are sensitive to smoke. Although separate-smoking and public smoking ban are promoted, many smokers do not conform to the rules and it is impossible to block the contaminated air completely. When some toxic fumes are around in everyday scenes, it is natural for the government to regulate them.

Banning smoking is difficult but possible. It seems that cigarettes stay legal because their social influence is not as big as that of drugs and they support the economy. Cigarettes do not make the user dangerous the way drugs do and smokers can keep functioning for decades. Also, the cigarette industry is an established part of economy and produce tax money, so that it is very difficult to terminate it. However, efforts toward changes necessary for public health have been made in the past. Coal was replaced by oil, which is cleaner than coal, and now oil is being replaced by much cleaner energy sources. Cigarettes themselves were a replacement, advocated by the government, for chewing tobacco, which was found to be contributing to the transmission of tuberculosis through saliva spat on the ground by the users. When the public health is at risk, the government should and can take measures.

Society is ultimately to be totally smoke-free to protect the health of citizens, especially younger generations, although care should be taken for smokers and those involved in the industry.