TOEFL, iBT, Independent Writing, One important change in the government of your country you would like to make - rewrite -

Writing Topic
Suppose you had the power to make one important change in the government of your country. What change would you like to make, and why?

☆Hints for Points

1       money politics (“seiji to kane” no mondai): Corrupted politicians receive money from interest groups (big businesses) in return for doing favor for them, which in turn support them in elections. They have weakened Japanese economy mainly by allocating large part of the budget for building unnecessary airports, bridges, roads, and other facilities whose construction even the local people question for decades. Anti-corruption laws have been enacted but there have always been loopholes and this problem never ends. Part of the problem is that those who make these laws are the very people who are regulated by them, politicians. Also, whistle-blowing will cost one’s job. To establish a committee which is totally independent from the public sector and which makes original budget plans and has authority to intervene government spending might be an idea to solve the problem.

2       absence of accountability: Since the Great East Japan Earthquake, it has become clearer that no one in the cabinet can take a real initiative and responsibility, while everyone trying hard to hide information from the public. Group-orientation and custom of dodging responsibilities is the foundation of the Japanese system and therefore it is not likely to change easily.

3       decentralization (chihoubunken): Japan is a highly centralized state where government bureaucrats take the initiative. While this practice might be generally suitable for this small country, the drawback is less freedom in local governments and political apathy. The government should partly shift authority in some areas such as education, welfare, and development

4       revitalization of the disaster-stricken areas: People in Tohoku hit by the Great East Japan Earthquake and the Tsunami have been suffering since then. We have to think of some viable measures to support their life in dignity and independence.

5       accepting immigrants: Japan is infamous about not active about accepting immigrants. As a wealthy country, it should join other developed countries to let immigrants into the country and help them pursue a better life.

6       disarmament: As the only country who has experienced being bombed with atomic weapons, Japan should be more assertive in disarmament. When most of the people who actually experienced the attack and the aftermath are over 70 years old and many are passing away year by year, we should more consciously try to pass down the memory of the history to the next generation and keep requesting to the world peace and arm-free, diplomatic relations between countries.

7       the gap between the rich and (the) poor: Wealth gap has been getting bigger in Japan, which has been famous as a relatively equal society over the past several decades. It has been proved that income inequality causes many kinds of problems. Therefore, the government should work on the problem more seriously.

8       free education and medicine: This will help greatly the disadvantaged and the country, which will lead to vitalized economy and stabilized society.

9       sharing the rights to use Takeshima and Senkaku Islands with other countries that insist their rights to possess them. This will soften the tension between involved countries and enrich all.　（People’s Peace  Johan Galtung）