My Journal 1 criticism, question, or suggestion appreciated
discussion posted 2 months ago by NorikoSasaki
Here is my first journal as an assignment of this course. I would appreciate it if anyone gives me a feedback especially about mistakes, unclear parts and other weak points in it or suggestion for improvement.
I write emails almost every day. Working for an English school, I exchange e-mails regularly with my coworkers. The contents of the messages are various, but usually they are about job assignments, schedule changes, and test results. The type of writing I do second most is essay. As an English instructor, I often write essays for ideas and expressions on writing topics given in a test called TOEFL, which students in non-English speaking countries who wish to attend universities in English-speaking countries are required to take. The topics are related to daily matters from dormitory life to government spending. I also write comments in my Face Book updates, about which I am rather lazy, and I write messages to my family and friends once in a while.
Except when I write messages to my family and friends, I dread writing. Especially, before I start writing, I feel that I cannot think of anything related to the topic. Although I have some experience about brainstorming and organizing ideas, I kind of panic the second I see the topic assigned to me for a second. What I do in such a moment is to try to focus on the core ideas of the writing topic so that I can make some points. Once I come up with points to make and start writing, I rather enjoy writing as putting ideas into words is a pleasure even though shortage of my vocabulary and grammatical knowledge makes me frustrated for a moment.
Although writing is not a piece of cake for me, I would like to be. or more precisely I need to be, a better essay writer because I teach essay writing to high school students at my workplace. In each class, my students write an essay and I do touch-up jobs on each of what they have written after the class. Therefore, I should be well-informed of academic essay-writing and English grammar. My class provides students with enough resources like a textbook with grammar quizzes and sample essays and my supplements, but it is actual writing and feedback to the work that will improve students' skills most as each student has different ideas and problems. To be of better help for my students' progress, I want to find weak points of my English grammar and writing and brush them up in this course.
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3 responses
- The only feedback that came to my mind was that you make very long sentences, which are sometimes difficult to read. Here is an example: "As an English instructor, I often write essays for ideas and expressions on writing topics given in a test called TOEFL, which students in non-English speaking countries who wish to attend universities in English-speaking countries are required to take."My option: I often write essays about the topics suggested in TOEFL, which is an exam for non-English speakers to enter English-speaking universities.I am an English teacher at a high-school in Spain and I sometimes wish I was preparing people for TOEFL, it is a very interesting exam that forces you to develop your skills.
- Thank you for your feedback. Compared to your option, mine is wastefully long. When my students write the same kind of sentence, I give the same kind of examples as you did to me. Nevertheless, I made this mistake myself and did not notice it when I did proof-reading. Such is the difficulty of self-check. I appreciate your pointing it out. I'll keep your advice in mind. It seems that I also have to work more on my vocabulary. I hope trying to make sentences like yours will help me not to make something short and simple long and complicated. Yes, as you say, writing for my class seems to be serving as a good practice for me though no one corrects me. I guess high-school students in Spain are better at English than those in Japan. Teaching them must also be thrilling.posted 2 months ago by NorikoSasaki
- Dear Noriko, I hope you are well. I think that your english is rather good. I see that your vocabulary is good enough, no mistakes (nor grammar structure, nor spelling). I know by fact that as english teachers in non english speaking countries do not write that much. Congratulations and all the best in this course. My regards. I am from colombia by the way.
- Dear FRNJA12. I hope you are well, too. Thank you for taking time for my post and your comment. As you mentioned, it is difficult to have a real command of English living in a non-English speaking country. You are nice. Best wishes for you, too. By the way, I am from Japan.posted 2 months ago by NorikoSasaki
- While gramatically correct, your journal can probably be described as “wordy.” Including more sentence-length variety would make the essay flow better and simply more fun to read. You use a lot of commas, which can easily be changed to periods to separate certain longer sentences. If this is an unwelcome suggestion, than perhaps try separating the sentences and finding longer (and more advanced - vocabulary wise) synonyms for certain words you’re using. This will make you sound better automatically.
- Thank you for your advice. Another person commented on my lengthy sentences, too. I 'll try to make my writing more fun to read by working on my vocabulary and by making sentences less long with fewer commas. I hope I can make my blog easier to read next time. Thanks again.
