TOEFL, iBT, Independent Writing, a subject that I have never had the opportunity to study and that I would like to study / Are only people who earn a log of money successful? - rewrite -

Writing Topic 1

If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

☆Let’s think

What to write:

You could choose a subject related to your study or interests. They can be related to your major, hobby, future goal, or interests. Also, you could choose a subject that is totally different from your field. For example, if you are a major of physics, you could choose economics or Latin American literature.

How to write:

You are supposed to explain your choice. What if you have only a vague idea and do not know how to explain? This test requires you to write at least 300 words in an organized way. One idea to come up with good words of explanation might be to follow good old grade school writing manners and to answer the questions starting with Wh or H. Who / What made you interested in it? When / Where did it happen? How did you become interested in it?

☆Sample short response

If I had time to study a subject that I have never had the opportunity to study, I would study astrophysics because I have a feeling that it will give me an opportunity to think about life and universe, for it deals with the physics and the universe and involves studies of both the invisible matters and huge objects in the vast space. A memorable word of one of the members of the art club I belonged to in my high school days has made me interested in it. He said, “Electrons circling around atoms is similar to planets orbiting the sun, isn’t it?” Even though I found it interesting then and I still remember it, this inspiring analogy of physics between the smaller and the larger never really encouraged me to study the related subjects and I chose the humanities. Young people are sensitive to the clues to solve questions in life and universe which all things around are always hinting to humans, and I think this old high school friend of mine had a particularly strong perception of these clues. In the course of gaining knowledge about this word of his, I hope that I will have a glimpse of the secret of life and universe which I might have missed in my youth.

Your short response:

If I had time to study a subject that I have never had the opportunity to study, I would study … because …

(Answers to Who / What / When / Where / How)

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions　　　(Barron’s, Writing for the TOEFL iBT, pp.283-284)

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♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Writing Topic 2

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

☆Let’s think

Reading the question carefully is the first step toward writing a satisfactory essay. The words to mark in this statement are probably “Only” and “successful.” Not many things can be described with words like “only” or “all,” so trying to focus on proving this statement is wrong might be a good start. To prove a statement that only A is B is wrong, all you have to do is to show that non-A is also B. Therefore, to disagree with the statement that only people who earn a lot of money are successful, you just show that those who do not earn a lot of money are also successful.

Now, what is the definition of being successful? Reaching a goal helps one feel successful personally, but, to others, might not be successful. A murderer who has killed the person he believed should not be in this world cannot be called a successful person. It seems that, to be successful, a person must meet some unsaid criteria that society sets.

What kinds of people are said to be successful? Do they have money, a higher status, or a good life? Are they admired by many people? Have they accomplished something important? Is money an essential factor to be regarded as a successful person? Is your uncle who owns a venture business producing a lot of money successful while another uncle of yours who is a dedicated high school teacher everyone in his community respects is not?

☆Sample short responses

I do not think earning a lot of money is necessary to be successful because  there are people who are looked upon as successful even though they do not make a lot of money.

1)    A person can be regarded as successful if the person earns respect from the world by doing what he believes right

2)    A person can be regarded as successful if the person is leading a happy, decent life which most people would wish to be theirs.

3)    A person who attains his or her goal can be regarded as successful as long as the goal is not anti-social.

Your short response:

I think / do not think earning a lot of money is necessary to be successful because …

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Paragraph Development

Paragraph development is a key to giving sufficient background information. If a paragraph has only one sentence or two, it lacks some essential sentences such as supporting details (background information). Although you do not always have to write more than one sentences in a paragraph, adding sentences to help convey your idea more effectively would be a good idea. A sample of a paragraph development is as follows:

【Thesis Sentence】 A sentence which represents the paragraph briefly

【Supporting Detail - in general】              A sentence which introduces the following example

【Supporting Detail - specific】A sentence which provides a specific example

【Follow up / Counterargument-treatment】A sentence making up for some lacking information.

【Conclusion of the Paragraph】 A sentence which wraps up the paragraph

                                            

Sample paragraph development 1

【Thesis Sentence】A person can be regarded as successful if the person earns respect from the world by doing what he believes right.

【Supporting Detail - in general】Many artists and musicians young people aspire to be like in the future were never rich.  

【Supporting Detail - specific】For example, Vincent van Gogh is one of the most famous and successful artists. His paintings are sold at high prices. It might be difficult to find a museum of modern art without a Gogh. Department stores have retrospectives of van Gogh as often as those of Impressionists and it is difficult to find a fine art textbook without a page on his life and art.

【Follow up / Counterargument-treatment】However, he never became rich by selling his paintings while he was alive. What makes him successful is that he knew his artistic experiment was on the right track and made the world recognize it through his works.

【Conclusion of the Paragraph】 Although he was not happy in his private life and he was never rich, his life was successful as an artist.

Sample paragraph development 2

【Thesis Sentence】A person leading a happy, decent life which most people would wish to be theirs can be called a successful person.

【Supporting Detail - in general】              For example, a devoted scientist who is happily married can be successful even if he does not earn enough to enjoy extravagance.

【Supporting Detail - specific】His life is full of joy because he is doing what he wants to do and he has life. He has a purpose in life and makes efforts for it day by day.

【Follow up / Counterargument-treatment】His research may not see a breakthrough in his lifetime, but he is still happy because he knows that what he is doing is part of a large current of a scientific pursuit in which he shares his interest and passion with his numerous associates around the world, including those in the past and in the future.

【Conclusion of the Paragraph】 If a person earns sufficiently and lives a respectable, fulfilling life, he can be called a successful person.

Sample Conclusion　

1)    From the examples above, it is clear that there are many counter examples against the statement that only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Therefore, I cannot agree with the idea.

2)    A large income is not the prerequisite for being successful. Thus, it cannot be said that only those who make a lot of money are successful.

3)   nnn (Barron’s, Writing for the TOEFL iBT, p.322)　

☆Your test paragraph development:

【Thesis Sentence】

【Supporting Detail - in general】

【Supporting Detail - specific】

【Follow up / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion of the Paragraph】