Pre-TOEFL writing, What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

What change would make your hometown more appealing to people your age? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

☆Hints for Points

1.    more facilities for entertainment/study/networking

2.    buildings and streets with better appearances

3.    better transportation systems

4.    scholarship programs and free tuition

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】Making streets look more attractive would help attract the young.

【Point 1】Making the streets cleaner would make my town more likable.

【Point 2】I would also like new bulletin boards to be placed in some corners for information exchange.

【Point 3 / Follow-up】Appearance is not everything, but the first impression counts and streets are the face of the town.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】 I would like to make the streets of my hometown more beautiful and exciting.

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Follow-up】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Sample Paragraph Development of Point 1 in Sample Essay Structure

【Main Idea】Making the streets cleaner would make my town more likable.

【Explanation】Young people, especially young women, are sensitive to cleanliness.

【Example】However, there are some filthy back streets that few people walk into even during the day in my town. These back alleys are filled with cigarette butts and plastic bags. Thus, efforts should be made to get rid of them.

【Follow-up】Regulation might not be necessary. Putting up posters with humor would do. Also, it is reported that placing a miniature shrine gate in the site stops littering. My town should try the idea.

【Conclusion】As the saying goes, cleanliness is next to godliness, and many young people would visit my town if the streets did not look like hell.

Your test paragraph development:

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Example】

【Follow-up】

【Conclusion】