TOEFL iBT Independent Writing, Imagine that you have been given a large area of land to use however you wish. How would you choose to use this land? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

Imagine that you have been given a large area of land to use however you wish. How would you choose to use this land?

☆Let’s Think

l  Question

Which of the following three responses to this writing topic do you think is the least proper? Why?

1)    I would sell it to make money for my studies.

2)    I would build an amusement park on the land.

3)    I would make it a refugee camp which can help refugees (to) become independent.

This writing topic is a hypothetical question with few conditions. It requires us to think about land usage. The word “land usage” often reminds you of investment and you might think of building condominiums on it and making a fortune by renting or selling them. Although this idea might be dealt with from the viewpoint of business economics, it could be considered slightly off the topic in that you do not tackle the core of the question. The core of the question is thinking about a good way to use a huge area of land, which is not just an object of investment but something that provides space, soil, ecological system, the atmosphere above it, life and joy, and many other good things that we can take advantage of.

このライティング・トピックはほとんど条件のない仮説上の質問だ。土地利用について考えることを要求している。「土地利用」という言葉はしばしば投資を思い出させ、マンションを建てて賃貸や売却によりひと財産築くことを思いつくかもしれない。このアイディアは経営学の視点から取り扱うことができるかもしれないが、問の核心に取り組んでいないという点で少し的外れだとみなされるかもしれない。問題の核心は、広大な土地、単なる投資の対象であるだけでなく空間や土壌、生態系、上空の大気、生活と喜び、そして利用できる他の多くの良いことを提供する何かでもある土地の良い使い方を考えることだ。

One idea to answer a hypothetical question with few specific conditions in writing is to draw on your specialty, the thing that you have a lot to write about. It would be easier to come up with a good point if you think of the area that you know well. For example, you could ask yourself such questions as follows in brainstorming for this writing topic: What do I like or what am I concerned about? What is its present situation? How would you use the land to change the present situation? How would you persuade readers to accept the idea?

ライティングにおいて具体的な条件がほとんどない仮説上の質問に答えるためのひとつのアイディアは自分の専門分野、それについて沢山書けることを使うことだ。よく知っている分野について考えれば良い要点を思いつくのがより容易だろう。例えばこのライティング・トピックのブレインストーミング用に以下の様な質問を自問しても良いだろう。自分は何が好きか、あるいは何に関心があるか？その現状はどうだろうか？その現状を変えるためにその土地をどのように使えるだろうか？どうやって読み手にこの考えを受け入れるよう説得するか？

l  Presentation

1.    Make a presentation to your partner or group members on your response to this writing question by answering the following questions.

Note: This question does not mention the cost. Therefore, you do not have to deal with it. In other words, you do not have to worry about whether your idea is financially feasible or not.

1)    What do you like or what are you interested in or what is your concern? 

e.g. I am concerned about the issue of refugees.

2)    What is its present situation? 

e.g. Many kinds of refugees are in desperate situations around the world, especially in Europe.

3)    How would you use the land to change the situation?

e.g. I would make the land a refugee camp which can help refugees (to) become independent.

4)    What is the merit? 

e.g. It would save many lives.

5)    What problem can you expect and how would you address it?

e.g.

a. The local residents might not be happy about accepting refugees, but we accepted some refugees in the past during a refugee crisis in Asia and we can cope with this problem by learning from what we did then.

b. Some refugees might not be happy about living in an environment totally different from that of their homeland, so we should keep in mind that politics must keep working for them to be able to return home as soon as possible.

2.    Ask each other questions about each other’s presentations. This will help (to) make your essays more interesting.

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions

There would be many wise or innovative uses of a large tract of land, but I would make it a town which is a test case for peaceful coexistence of people and jungle crows. No other birds are so stigmatized as crows, probably in Japan, where I live, in particular. They are regarded as filthy garbage-eaters, spiteful punks, and the sign of death. Yet, if observed carefully and without prejudice, they will turn out to be as likable as dolphins. In fact, some people even call them flying dogs. They could possibly be our best friends in the sky.

大きな土地の賢い使用や革新的な使用は沢山あるだろう。しかし私は人とﾊｼﾌﾞﾄｶﾞﾗｽの平和的共存の試験台の街にするだろう。恐らく私の住む日本ではカラスほど汚名を着せられている鳥はいない。しかし注意深く偏見無しで観察すればイルカと同じくらい好ましいことが分かるだろう。実際カラスを空飛ぶ犬と呼びさえする人もいるのだ。カラスたちは私たちの最良の空の友になり得る。

Jungle crows are the big black birds often seen scattering the contents of garbage bags collected on the sidewalks to find food in many Japanese cities. They used to live in forests and feed on dead animals on the ground. Development replaced trees with buildings and animal bodies with garbage bags. They have been doing the same to survive, nesting on the power poles and eating waste on the ground, but now humans are offended by their routine. People think crows are dirty and dangerous. However, crows bathe a few times a day if possible. Also, crows attack people only when they are near their young, and the worst thing they can do is to swoop and kick from behind, which they rarely actually do because they are afraid of humans. It is true that they remember the face of the person who attacked or threatened them and repeatedly retaliate, but think of their trauma and it is understandable that they do it for self-defense. The biggest stigma that crows bear is the image of death, which probably derives from their color. Surely they eat dead bodies but so do many other creatures, from bacteria to dogs. The fear of the color black is our problem, not theirs. In the eyes of humans on the ground crows on power lines are eerie dark spots in the sky, but seen from high above, they are precious pieces of life shining in purple and green.

ハシブトガラスは多くの日本の都市で食べ物を見つけるために歩道に集められたビニール袋の中身を散らかしているのがよく見られる大きな黒い鳥だ。昔は森にすみ地面の上の死んだ動物を食べて生きていた、開発により木が建物になり動物の死骸がゴミ袋に取って代わった。カラスたちは生き延びるために同じことをやっており、電柱に営巣し地面の無駄なものを食べている。しかし現在では人間はカラスの決まりきった仕事に腹を立てている。カラスは汚くて危険だと思っている。しかしカラスは可能なら一日に数回水浴びをする。また、人がひなの近くにいる時しか攻撃しないし、できる最悪のことは急降下して後ろからけることだが人間が怖いので実際にはめったにやらない。攻撃した人や脅してきた人の顔を覚えており繰り返し仕返ししてくるというのは本当だ。しかしカラスたちのトラウマを考えれば自己防衛のためにやるのは理解できる。カラスが負っている最大の汚名は恐らくその色から来ている死のイメージだ。確かにカラスは死体を食べるが細菌から犬まで他の多くの生き物が死骸を食べる。黒い色に対する恐怖は私たちの問題であってカラスの問題ではない。地上の人間の目には電線に止まったカラスは空の不気味な黒い点だが高みから見ると紫色と緑色に輝くかけがえのない命のかけらなのだ。

Although loathed, crows are well known to be very smart, affectionate, and remarkable birds. They store their food in hundred to several thousand places and remember them. They use their calls for their communication and use and, at least one species, make tools. Sometimes, their behavior cannot be explained by any other words but play. There are reports of crows repeatedly sliding down the slide or snow slope or hanging upside down from the power line. Also, jungle crows mimic many kinds of things such as human words or machine noises. They cherish their mates and babies. There are many reports that crows grieve the death of other crows. I myself know a jungle crow which missed its mate for at least three years. It made the saddest voice I have ever heard when its mate suddenly disappeared. One of the most striking things about crows is their eyes and ears. As they can see ultraviolet like other birds, they can spot a very small thing from high above. Above all, they should be appreciated for their role as scavengers getting rid of things people do not want to see lying on the ground such as a dead mouse. They hear what we cannot hear. Now you might find this bird a little more interesting than before, if not wishing to make friends with it.

嫌われてはいるが、カラスはとても賢くて愛情深く注目すべき鳥であることはよく知られている。100か所から1000か所に貯食し覚えている。鳴き声をコミュニケーションに使用し少なくともひとつの種は道具を作る。時として彼らの行動は遊びという言葉以外では説明できない。滑り台や雪の坂を何度も滑り降りるカラスや電線から逆さにぶら下がるカラスの報告がある。またﾊｼﾌﾞﾄｶﾞﾗｽは人間の言葉や機械音の様な様々なものを真似る。つがいの相手と子供を大切にする。他のカラスの死を悼むという報告が多数ある。私自身連れを少なくとも三年哀悼していたカラスを知っている。連れが突然いなくなった時そのカラスは私が今まで聞いた中で最も悲しい声を出した。カラスについて最も驚くべきことのひとつはその目と耳だ。紫外線が見えるので高所から非常に小さなものを見つけることができる。私たちが聞こえない音を聞く。何よりも死んだネズミの様な地面に転がっているのを人が見たくないものを処分するごみ処理人としての役割を感謝されるべきなのだ。さて、あなたは前よりはこの鳥が少し面白いと思うかもしれない。友達になりたいとは思わなくても。

In my opinion, it is a shame that we do not have good relationships with jungle crows, these charming and interesting birds that happen to live closest to us, and here comes my model town for both jungle crows and humans. This town would have several parks full of tall trees, to which the garbage the residents produce would be sent. Since jungle crows are originally from forests and tend to live where food is abundant, it can be easily expected that they would stay in the parks most of the time. Thus, they would never litter the streets. Moreover, the cost of waste incineration would be reduced and so would CO2 emissions. Humans can enter the parks and enjoy nature anytime except for crows’ breeding season. My wildest dream is to have crows participate in rescue operations. For their ability to fly a long distance and high cognitive level, not to mention the great eyesight and hearing, they could make good rescue crows. Of course to protect animal rights, only those that are willing and having the aptitude would be given the missions. I actually know a crow that is eligible for it. Like humankind, crows also have some individuals that seek for challenge and bond.

私の考えではたまたま私たちの近くに住んでいるこれらの魅力的で興味深い鳥たちであるﾊｼﾌﾞﾄｶﾞﾗｽと良い関係にないのは残念なことだ。そこでﾊｼﾌﾞﾄｶﾞﾗｽと人間両方の為のモデルタウンだ。この街は高い木でいっぱいの公園がいくつかありそこに住民の出す生ごみが送られる。ﾊｼﾌﾞﾄｶﾞﾗｽは元々森林が起源であり食べ物が豊富な場所に住む傾向があるので大抵の場合公園内にいることが容易に想像できる。従って道路を決して汚さないだろう。さらにごみ焼却のコストが下がり二酸化炭素排出量も下がるだろう。人間はカラスの子育て期間以外はいつでも公園に入って自然を楽しむことができる。私の途方もない夢はカラスに救助活動に参加させることだ。すごい視力と聴力はいうまでもなく長距離を飛ぶ能力と高い認知水準のゆえに良い救助烏になれるだろう。もちろん動物の権利を守るため、意欲があり適性があるものだけが任務を与えられるだろう。私は実際この任務の資格があるカラスを知っている。人類の様にカラスもまた挑戦と絆を求める個体がいるのだ。

I once saw a jungle crow perched on a power line entertaining a dog down in a garage. The dog, wagging its tail and jumping around in the small space, looked quite happy to see its friend with wings. The scene reflected their positions in this world, for one is confined and the other free. Crows could have been domesticated long ago since their cleverness must have been noticed by our ancestors, but they have not. I feel, with no offence to dogs, that crows know what dignity is and keep a distance from humans. They are hated but live proudly. They are sensitive enough to feel the pain of life, yet they won't give up on life and can do without such things as hope or dream or religion. Perhaps we could learn something important from them by living more intimately to them than now.

かつて電線に止まったﾊｼﾌﾞﾄｶﾞﾗｽが下のガレージの中にいる犬を楽しませているのを見たことがある。羽のある友達を見て犬はその小さな空間内でしっぽを振りながら飛び回りとてもうれしそうに見えた。この情景はこの世界における彼らの位置を反映していた。というのは一方は閉じ込められており他方は自由だからだ。私たちの祖先はカラスの賢さに気付いたに違いないのでずっと昔に家畜化もできただろう。でもしていない。犬には失礼かもしれないがカラスは尊厳とは何かを知っており人間との距離を置いているという気がする。カラスは嫌われているが誇り高く生きている。生の痛みを感じるほど十分感受性があるが生を決してあきらめず希望や夢や宗教のようなものなしでやってゆける。たぶん私たちは彼らと今よりもっと親密に生活することによって彼らから何か重要なことを学ぶことができるかもしれない。

(Some of the information about crows included in this essay are taken from Karasu no Kyokasho by Hajime Matsubara) （このエッセイに含まれるカラスに関する情報のいくつかは松原始の「カラスの教科書」からとられた。）