TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion Which is more beneficial, prioritizing winning or focusing on participation and personal development in P.E classes? (Revised)

In the context of school sports programs, here is often a debate between prioritizing winning and focusing on participation and personal development. Considering the impact on students’ growth, team dynamics, and school culture, do you think it is more beneficial for schools to emphasize winning in sports events, or should the focus be more on participation and personal development?

 

 

 

☆Let’s Think

	Students’ Growth	Team Dynamics	School Culture
Prioritizing Winning In Sports Events
Focusing on Participation And personal Development

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Emphasis on winning sporting events

l  It easily motivates students and effectively contributes to their physical growth because passion for winning is instinctive and contest, or competition, is one of the major elements of sports.

l  It successfully enhances teamwork skills.

l  It corresponds with competitive culture of today’s society, of which school is part of. It helps students get accustomed to losing and make them tough and positive in competition.

 

Emphasis on participation and personal development

l  It makes non-athletic students conscious of their fitness and help them acquire the habits of working out.

l  It develops self-discipline because students compete against themselves.

l  Focusing on winning can promote the “The-end-justifies-the-means” attitude, and this will degrade humanities like losing the spirit of fair play and taking Machiavellian approaches, which is not good for personal development and school culture.

l  Competitiveness is the core mindset of the capitalist society, where the winner takes all while the loser is not taken care of. This will weaken the humanity, while focusing on participation and personal development in P.E. classes nurture more relaxed, merciful mindset and school culture.

 

 

☆Sample Response

【Thesis】If education is to civilize people, it’s to not stimulate instinct, and so physical education should not stimulate urges to win because it is instinctive and barbaric and is often the cause of problems such as hate, discrimination, bullying, and war.

【Supporting Details】The Unites States, which is plagued with these issues, is the case in point. It has dominated as a military power since the end of WWII, oppressing people around the world by all means to stay number one. This urge to win is instilled in its people. Winning, not fair play, is prioritized in sports. The filthy rich, who did not choose the means to their goals, are respected as winners of their capitalist society. This ethos of the American Empire has made the national character that lacks the warmth and delicacy of humanity, and now it has become No. 1 in the developed world in all kinds of problems, including homicide and suicide rates.

【Counterargument-treatment】Olivia’s point that competitive spirit motivates students to excel in anything and this nurtures discipline and perseverance in them could be true in individual sports, but in team sports, each member must grow first and as a result team spirit must be established to get the drive to be the best through good team dynamics.

【Conclusion】Therefore, winning should not be the goal in P.E. classes. It should be taken as a result of good participation and personal growth. (234 words)