TOEFL iBT Independent Writing, a two-week trip to a foreign country & the most important aspect to change about my hometown -rewrite -

Writing Topic A

Suppose you had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country. What country would you most wish to visit? Discuss your choice using specific details and reasons.

☆Let’s think

1.      Name possible foreign destinations for a three-month vacation, a two-week trip, and a two day trip.

Three-month vacation:

Two-week trip:

Two-day trip:

2.      Name countries you would like to visit for a two-week trip and explain why.

3.      What exactly would you like to do during the two-week stay in the country you chose?

4.      Do research of the history and the culture of the country you would like to visit and report the result to your group members.

☆Hints for Points

1.      I would like to visit one of English speaking countries for English study. 

2.      China or other emerging economies would be nice to visit so that I can see vigorous societies.

3.      I wish to go to a country that is not so popular as a tourist destination because it is exciting to see a country that I do not know well and whose official language I do not know at all.

4.      I like ancient history. Therefore, I would definitely visit either Egypt, China, Iraq (Mesopotamia), or Iran (Persia) if there is not a travel ban.

5.      I am interested in biology, so either Galapagos Islands or a country in the Sub-Saharan Africa would be my choice.

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】 If I had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country, I would like to visit Indonesia because I have studied the Indonesian language and it has many places to visit.

【Point 1】I would like to communicate with the people in Indonesian.

【Point 2】Indonesia is an attractive country with diverse living traditional cultures and many magnificent structures.

【Negative Point】One should hesitate to be a totally happy tourist in this country as a Japanese because Japan occupied this country for a while in the past, but this makes the visit all the more meaningful if I carefully communicate with the people there.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】A two-week stay in Indonesia would help deepen my understanding of the country and get a better command of the language.

Your Sample Essay Structure

A.     

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Negative Point and Why It Does Not Matter】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

B.

【Introduction = Outline】

【Places I would like to Visit on a Two-Week Trip】

【Reason for Choice 1】

【Reason for Choice 2】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

B.

【Introduction = Outline】

【       】

【       】

【       】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Speech Time

Give a 50-second speech on this topic.

☆Full Introduction Writing

A full introduction of an essay follows a form as follows.

【Hook】 A sentence to attract the reader’s attention

【Background】 The explanation of the hook

【Thesis】 What you want to say in the essay

【Reason(s)】 The outline of the Reasons of the thesis

Sample

【Hook】 For many, the word “Down Under” has a negative connotation, but to me it sounds great.

【Background】 I have heard a lot of good things about Australia from my mother who have been there.

【Thesis】 If I had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country, I would like to go to Australia.

【Reason(s)】 I would like to see unique wildlife, interact with the people, and learn about its history.

Ideas for Hooks and Backgrounds:

A            【Hook】 Two years have passed since I left the US and I still miss the people there.

【Background】 I did a one-year homestay there and had a very good time.

B            【Hook】Although I am Japanese, my hometown is Jakarta, Indonesia.

【Background】 I spent my childhood in this city near the equator.

C            【Hook】Most people in Japan are not interested in countries that are located on the other side of the globe, but I am not one of them.

【Background】I have been to some of the South American countries.

D           【Hook& Background & Thesis】There are many attractive countries in Europe such as France,

Italy, Spain, Germany, and England, but I would like to go to Austria if I had a chance to take a

two-week trip to a foreign country.

Your Sample Full Introduction

【Hook】

【Background】

【Thesis】

【Reason(s)】

Writing Topic B: There may be good points and bad points about your hometown. What aspect of your hometown do you think is the most important to change, why?

☆Let’s Think

1.      Which of the following is a more appropriate response to the question of this writing topic?

a.    I think communication between residents and the natural environment are the most important aspects to change in my hometown.

b.    I think communication between residents is the most important aspect to change in my hometown.

2.      What problems does a town in a city have?

3.      What problems does a town in the suburbs are have?

4.      What problems does a town in the countryside have?

5.      Make a presentation to your partner of group members on this topic by answering the questions below if you like.

1)    What kind of town is your home town?

2)    What do you think is the most important to change about it?

3)    Why you think so?

4)    How would you like it to change it?

5)    What kind of good results is expected?

6)    What kind of negative effects can be expected?

6.      Give each other responses to each other’s presentation.

☆Hints for Points

1. Problems a town in a city has: air/water/noise pollutions, less contact with nature, little human relation, few opportunities to join the local traditional events, few nurseries and kindergartens

2. Problems a town in the suburban area has: diminishing mom-and-pop shops ( large outlets, discount shops), long commuting hours, less human relation, less open to foreigners

3. a town in the countryside: high unemployment rate, aging society, delicate relationship between the locals and foreigners who came to work as farmhands, fewer hospitals/doctors and nurses, lower education levels

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction】Lack of outside free space is the problem of my hometown.

【Reason 1】To raise productivity, our town needs more space free to use for creative work.

【Reason 2】This circumstance lessons communication and range of activities of the residents, especially of the weak such as children, the elderly and the poor.

【Demerits & Countermeasure】Free open spaces often become hangouts of teenagers and delinquency can be the concern, but means to prevent it can be carried out easily by volunteers.

【Conclusion】A town with many stores but few places for life is my hometown and I would like to change this situation.

Your Sample Essay Structure

A            【Introduction = Outline】

              【Details of the Problem】

【Change & Benefits】

【Demerits & Countermeasures/Why It Does Not Matter】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

B            【Introduction = Outline】

              【Details of the Problem】

【Idea 1 and Its Merits and Demerits】

【Idea 2 and Its Merits and Demerits】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

B            【Introduction = Outline】

              【        】

【        】

【        】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Speech Time

Give a 50-second speech on this topic.

☆Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】To raise productivity, our town needs more space free to use for creative work.

【Explanation】 Our town provides only space for consumption.

【Detail in general】 There is no free space to spend time other than a few small parks and narrow river banks in my hometown.

【More Specific Detail】There is no big library. Going into a coffee shop is the only choice left for the people who want to think or do some tasks outside of their houses.

【Follow-up】 Some might say that you should study or work at home, but many people have problems concentrating at home for some reason and they can work better when in a public space.

【Wrap-up】 My town should take workers and students more into account in its planning.

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Detail / Example in general】 

【More Specific Detail / Example】

【Follow-up / Counterargument-treatment】

【Wrap-up】