TOEFL iBT Independent Writing, military or Olympic sports? & individual sports or team sports ? - rewrite -

Writing Topic A

Suppose your country has an unexpected amount of money that can be spent on either the military or your country’s Olympic athletes. Which should your country spend money on, the military or Olympic sports? Offer specific details to explain your choice.

☆Let’s think

1.      Why is the choice between military and Olympic athletes? Why is it not between military and welfare, or education?

List as many nouns for military and Olympics as you can to compare and contrast the choices

List of nouns that relate to for military:

List of nouns that relate to Olympics:

2.      What nouns in the lists do military and Olympics share?

3.      What nouns in the lists do military and Olympics not share?

4.      Which nouns in the lists do you like?

5.      If the money were allotted to either of the choices, what do you think would happen in general?

6.      Considering specific conditions of your country, which choice would you make? Why?

☆Hints for Points

1.    Choice between military and Olympic athletes is the choice between war and peace. Nouns that relate to military are battle, disaster-relief operations, nationalism, weapons, industry, soldiers, deaths, injuries, and destructions. On the other hand, nouns that represent Olympics are games and matches, fair play, national pride, excitement, admiration, exercise, industry, economic effect and encouragement for people in disaster-stricken areas. Olympics have more good connotations than military,

2.    There has been increase in the threat of neighboring countries.

⇔ counterargument: Japan-U.S. relationship does not seem to change soon (Japanese prime ministers and U.S. presidents reaffirming Japan-U.S. security relationship) Also, practically, there is no defending the country perfectly as too many countries have too many weapons.

3.    Request for militarization from powers have been strong. The Unites States and other big countries request Japanese militaristic participation in their activities to keep the world quiet such as fight against terrorism or protection of commercial ships against pirates.

⇔ counterargument: Japan has had a defense-only policy, so SDF activity is limited to peaceful operations under Article Nine in our constitution, which stipulates renunciation of war and military force. Also, joining the militaristic activity is joining the oppression of the oppressed because violence occur where there are the extremely oppressed..

4.    Being armed with more than decent amount is the appeal to those who want to start a battle with us. Japan has a history of violent past: imperial Japan before and during WWII. Militarization would give a bad impression to other countries, especially countries that Japanese military invaded in the past. Also. Japan has a history of diplomatic solutions of international problems since the end of WWII. This has earned us a good reputation and has kept it free from terrorism.

5.    In terms of the money flow in the economy, the choice is letting the money flow into either the military industrial complex (American arms industry, Japanese heavy industry, businesses that cater to the Self-Defense Force and American bases) or Olympics-related industries (construction, sports, food and drink, etc.)

6.    Japan is one of the biggest economies in the world, and the world is shifting from arms competition to business cooperation; hence chances are low that Japan wages wars with other nations and arms race is futile.

7.    Military is now necessary for humanitarian aids to disaster stricken areas. As long as it is used for peaceful purposes, providing extra money to the military is good.

8.    Government spending on sports has been tight because of huge national debts, sluggish economy, and repeating disasters.

9.    Good images (soft power) will be provided by supporting Olympic sports.

10.  People will be happy if athletes from their country do well in the Olympics. On the other hand, it is too difficult for them to understand how the money is used in the military.

11.  Weapons are much more expensive than promotion of sports. Therefore, it is more effective to allocate money to Olympic athletes than to military.

Reference

Excerpt from An Appeal from the “Article Nine Association”

   Through the use of weapons reaching the cruelty of the atomic bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Second World War claimed over fifty million lives. As a result, the citizens of the world learned the lesson that resorting to force should never be an option, even for the purpose of resolving international disputes.
  Bearing an enormous responsibility for having continuously pursued a war of invasion, Japan decided to work towards realizing this global vision, and thus established a constitution including Article Nine which stipulated the renunciation of war and of military force.

…The use of force only results in robbing a country and its people of their livelihood and of their happiness. Since the 1990s, armed interventions by major nations into regional conflicts have also failed to result in effective resolutions. That is why, in such places as Europe and Southeast Asia, efforts are being strengthened to create regional frameworks that can help to resolve conflicts through diplomacy and dialogue. …  Based on Article Nine, Japan needs to develop ties of friendship and cooperation with the peoples of Asia and other regions, and change a diplomatic stance that only prioritizes a military alliance with the United States. Japan must play an active role in the tide of world history by exercising its autonomy and acting in a pragmatic manner. It is precisely because of Article Nine that Japan can engage its partner nations in peaceful diplomacy while respecting their various positions, and collaborate with them in the fields of economy, culture, science and technology.  

ヒロシマ・ナガサキの原爆にいたる残虐な兵器によって、五千万を越える人命を奪った第二次世界大戦。この戦争から、世界の市民は、国際紛争の解決のためであっても、武力を使うことを選択肢にすべきではないという教訓を導きだしました。/ 侵略戦争をしつづけることで、この戦争に多大な責任を負った日本は、戦争放棄と戦力を持たないことを規定した九条を含む憲法を制定し、こうした世界の市民の意思を実現しようと決心しました。/ …なにより武力の行使は、その国と地域の民衆の生活と幸福を奪うことでしかありません。一九九〇年代以降の地域紛争への大国による軍事介入も、紛争の有効な解決にはつながりませんでした。だからこそ、東南アジアやヨーロッパ等では、紛争を、外交と話し合いによって解決するための、地域的枠組みを作る努力が強められています。/ … / 憲法九条に基づき、アジアをはじめとする諸国民との友好と協力関係を発展させ、アメリカとの軍事同盟だけを優先する外交を転換し、世界の歴史の流れに、自主性を発揮して現実的にかかわっていくことが求められています。憲法九条をもつこの国だからこそ、相手国の立場を尊重した、平和的外交と、経済、文化、科学技術などの面からの協力ができるのです。 (「九条の会」アピール一部抜粋)

             

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction】Given two choices, spending extra money on either the military or Olympic athletes, I would choose the latter.

【Point 1】Choosing Olympics sends a civil message to the public and the world.

【Point 2】The world is shifting towards business corporations.

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that threat of being attacked exists, but the threat of rouge activity will never free us as there are many kinds of people and countries on this planet, and after all, we live in the world where thousands of nuclear weapons are in place targeting spots on the other sides of the oceans at this moment. Some insane attack on us might be as either likely or unlikely as some lapses of the controllers of those arms are.

【Conclusion】Instead of spending money for fear, I would like my government to spend it on an activity that can create hope in some people.

Other Patterns for Sample Essay Structure

Pattern A

Introduction

Body 1: Good Point of My Choice 1

Body 2: Good Point of My Choice 2

Body 3: Why the Other Choice is Less Important

Conclusion

Pattern B

Introduction

Body 1: About Olympics

Body 2: About Military

Body 3: My Choice

Conclusion

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Speech Time

Make a one-minute speech on this topic.

☆Sample Paragraph development

【Main Idea】Choosing Olympics sends a civil message to the public and the world.

【Explanation】Spending extra money on a certain budget sends an important message to others. Our country, though not wealthy as before, is a developed country, and usage of some unexpected large amount of money shows exactly what the government is interested to the people in and out of this country.

【Supporting Details】 Whether allocating extra money on military or Olympics can be taken as the sign of being warlike or pacifistic. Given the international concern over Japanese politics swinging to militaristic, it would be unwise to show any tendency to favor its national force.

【Follow-up】 Olympic is not free from criticisms, but it is within the sphere of who benefits the most while military spending always reminds wars and deaths.

【Wrap-up】A windfall should be used for some thing or activity that is less controversial

Your test paragraph development

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Supporting Details】

【Follow-up】

【Wrap-up】

Writing Topic B: Many children like, and participate in, individual sports such as tennis, golf and swimming. Do you think it is better than doing team sports such as soccer and baseball? Explain your opinion on this question by offering specific reasons and examples.

☆Sample Thought Process

1.      What is the negative of 【A ＞ B】？ 

Fill in the blank between A and B in the following box brackets. 【A     B】

2.      If you disagree with a statement that A is better than B, what will you need to prove?

Fill in the brackets. You need to prove either B is (       ) (       ) A or B is as (      ) as A.

3.      What are the good points of team sports?

4.      What are the good points of individual sports?

5.      If you were a parent of a young child, what policy related to this writing topic would you have?

☆Hints for Points

1.      Advantages of team sports are that they can be enjoyed with other people, children can learn teamwork effectively, and they can make friends with teammates.

2.      Advantages of individual sports are as follows. They can be enjoyed alone. They offer flexibility in time and place for exercise. They teach self-control. They enhance power of concentration.

3.      Most of the advantages of team sports and individual sports overlap or can be found in other activities. Also, individual aptitude and personal preference count in sports.

4.      Playing team sports is as good as playing individual sports because the good points of both types of sports overlap. Regardless of types, for a child to play a sport is good as long as the child can enjoy it and grow up mentally and physically through it. 

5.      Team sports are better than individual sports for young children to play because sports are for fun and socialization and the latter is more suitable to the former for the purpose.

☆Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Speech Time

Make a 50-second speech on this topic.