TOEFL iBT, Independent Writing, Do you agree that your county has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

With many technological advances in communication and transportation, many people feel that the various countries of the world are becoming more similar to each other. Do you agree that your county has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods? Use specific examples and details to explain why or why not.

☆Let’s Think

Let’s make sure the last part of the question before getting to the main point.

1)    What is communication?

2)    Give examples of transportation.

3)    What is the example of modern communication methods? What about modern transportation methods?

Now. Let’s take a look at the main part of the question and compare the following two sentences.

1)    My country has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods.

2)    My country has become similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods.

Does your county look more similar to other countries compared to what it was 150 years ago when, it took a month for a newspaper, the only news medium then, to reach America from Britain and when samurai ruled Japan or when taking an airplane cost a fortune and the Internet did not exist? Have the street views changed? Remember the lifestyle of your grandparents. What do they to eat, wear, and enjoy?

当時唯一の媒体だった新聞がイギリスからアメリカに着くのに一か月かかり侍が日本を治めていた200年前と比べて自分の国は他国に似てきているだろうか？飛行機に乗るのは大金がかかりインターネットは存在していなかった50年前と比べるとどうだろうか。街並みは変化しているだろうか。祖父母のライフスタイルを思い出してみよう。何を食べ、どんな服装をし、何を楽しんでいるだろうか？

Research

My country has become similar to / is still different from other countries in the following aspects.

	1	2	3
Past
Present

☆Hints for points

Points for Agreement

1.      People used to wear traditional clothing before, but now most people wear Western style clothing.

2.      Most houses were made of wood and paper before, but now they are made of modern materials.

3.      Only elites and city people used to enjoy western culture before, but now most people do.

Points for Disagreement

4.      Most people do not speak any foreign language as a second language.

5.      There are more local food stores than international food chains like McDonald’s and Starbucks.

6.      TV programs are very different from those of other countries.

☆Sample Essay Structure

A

【Introduction】 I agree with the idea that my country has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods with some reservation.

【Point 1】The Meiji Restoration has changed the whole society into a modern one.

【Point 2】Globalization has made people share the same commodities and a common culture worldwide.

【Counter Example】We have not given up our language, traditional cultures, and prejudices.

【Conclusion】Exchange of goods and information with other countries has made my country similar to other countries for the most part although some cultures and ideas remain unchanged.

【導入】 保留付きだが、近現代的なコミュニケーション手段と交通手段により私の国は他国に似てきているという考えに賛成だ。

【要点1】明治維新によって国中が近代国家に変わった。

【要点 2】グローバル化により世界中で同じ商品と共通の文化を共有するようになった。

【反例】言語や伝統文化そして偏見はまだ捨てていない。

【結論】変わらない文化や考えもあるが、他国との物資・情報の交換は大体において私の国を他の国と似通わせてきている。

B

【Introduction】 My country externally appears to have become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods, but the inner state has not changed much.

【Point 1】We Japanese eat teriyaki burger and put powdered green tea in anything.

【Point 2】We have adopted democracy, but it is faith to the senior and groupism that run this county.

【Counterargument-treatment】There are no samurai in present Japan, but they are alive in our mind.

【Conclusion】Japan has achieved no more resemblance to other countries than Hello Kitty has to Betty Boop.

【導入】 近現代的なコミュニケーション手段と交通手段により私の国は外面的には他国に似てきているように見えるが内面の状態はあまり変わっていない。

【要点1】私たち日本人はてりやきバーガーを食べ何にでも抹茶を入れる。

【要点 2】私たちは民主主義を採用したがこの国を動かしているのは目上の人への忠義と集団順応主義だ。

【反論処理】現代日本には侍はいないが生活の中に生きている。

【結論】日本が他の国に似てきていないのはキティちゃんがベティちゃんに似てきていないのと同じだ。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Top-down Development: from general ideas to specific ideas

トップダウンの展開： 一般から具体へ

Let’s compare the present and the past and make conclusions. Make sure that the description starts with the general and moves on to the specific.

Homogenization in materialistic aspects through economic globalization

経済のグローバル化を通しての物質面の均一化

The development of communication and transportation methods has enabled large corporations to spread the same products all over the world more thoroughly than before and boosted the homogenization of the world, at least materialistically. My country Japan is not an exception. People used to live in wooden houses, wear kimono, and eat rice and fish, but these days, they live with something western or American. They live in buildings made of concrete and steel whose interiors are filled with electronic appliances and modern furniture, wear clothes found in western media, and often eat meat-and-bread-based food.

コミュニケーション手段と交通手段の発展により大企業が同じ製品を以前より徹底的に世界中に広めることが可能になり少なくとも物質的には世界の均一化が進んだ。私の国である日本も例外ではない。昔人々は木の家に住み着物を着て米と魚を食べていたが最近は何か欧米的なものと過ごしている。内部が電化製品と近代的な家具で埋まっているコンクリートと鉄鋼でできた建物に住み、西洋のメディアに出てくる服を着て、頻繁に肉とパンが基本の食事をする。

Westernization of popular music

流行歌の西洋化

Trends in popular music reflect changes of a society very clearly. Japanese pop music has become closer to those in other countries than before. Japanese pop songs were slow-tempo and sounded like traditional folk music before, but now most of them are up-tempo and sound like American and British pops, which have been influenced by the music in other parts of the world. Since music affects many aspects of life, it can be said that our general mentality has also become more similar to those in other countries. This change, the pervasiveness of western culture through music, corresponds to the development of technologies for sharing materials and information. The change of media from the radio to TV to the Internet and more opportunities for concert tours enabled western music industry to market and familiarize its products to more people in my country.

流行歌の傾向は非常に明確に社会の変化を反映する。日本人の流行歌は以前よりも他の国の流行歌に近づいてきている。以前日本の流行歌はテンポが遅く伝統的な民謡の様な響きだったが今ではほとんどがテンポが速くアメリカかイギリスの流行歌の様に聞こえる。そしてアメリアやイギリスの流行歌は世界の他の地域の音楽に影響されている。音楽は生活の多くの面に影響を与えるので私たちの気質も他の国々のそれと似てきていると言える。この変化つまり音楽を通した西洋文化の普及は物質・情報共有用の技術の進歩と一致する。ラジオからテレビそしてインターネットへの媒体の変化とコンサート・ツアーの機会が増えたことにより西洋の音楽産業が私の国のより多くの人々に製品を売り込み親しませることができるようになったのだ。

Assimilation to other cultures through history 

歴史を通しての異文化との同化

The large wave of global assimilation has affected Japan, where I live. As Yuval Noah Harari points out in his book Sapiens, countries and cultures have been integrated into ones with larger realms since ancient times. An island country Japan has also always been in the influential spheres of other cultures, even during the period of cultural isolation－most high levels of thought in the Edo Era were expressed in Chinese. In other words, it has syncretized other cultures into its cultures. Rice farming and use of Chinese characters are examples of cultures Japan has shared with other countries. In modernization and industrialization after the Meiji Restoration, Japan has taken in Western cultures through their languages, and the process has accelerated after WWII for not only geopolitical reasons but also development of the means of communication and transportation. Moreover, it has even exported products like instant noodles and anime to many countries. Therefore, It is natural that it has become similar to other countries both in fundamental aspects of daily life such as housing and clothing and in inner life.

世界的な同化の大波が私の住む国である日本に影響を与えてきている。ユバル・ノア・ハラリが自著「サピエンス」で指摘しているように、古代から国々と文化はより大きな領域の国・文化に統一されてきている。島国日本もずっと異文化の影響圏に入り続けてきた。鎖国時代でさえも。（江戸時代の高度な思想は漢文で表現された）言い換えれば異文化を自国文化に統合してきた。稲作と漢字の使用は日本が他国と共有してきた文化の例だ。明治維新後の近代化・工業化では日本は西洋言語を通して西洋文化を取り入れてきており、その過程は第2次世界大戦後地政学的理由のみならずコミュニケーション手段と交通手段の発達のために加速した。更にはインスタント麺やアニメの様な製品を多くの国に輸出しさえしてきた。従って住宅や衣服の様な日常生活の基本的な面と内面生活の両面で他国と似てきているのは当然だ。

Inalterability of the social climate

社会的風土の不変性

There are no samurai or ninja in present Japan, but the social climate that surrounded them is alive in our lives. The Maiji Restoration abolished Shogunate and transplanted Western civilization into this country. Materialistically, the policy has been successful, but fundamental mindset and customs of the people not changed very much. Our language maintains samurai-related expressions, samurai or ninja dramas and mangas are abundant, and people tend to act like those of peasants or towners in those days. They watch the move of the authority and collectively act accordingly. Our distinctive behavioral pattern becomes especially evident in extraordinary situations. When Japan lost WWII, the new constitution stipulated the Emperor as the symbol of the State, to which few objected. About 30 years later, a world-famous Japanese author, Yukio Mishima committed suicide by hara-kiri, or disembowelment, after his failed coup. There is no knowing whether he thought of shooting his head off or burning himself as people in other countries do in the same kind of situation or not, but either way, he chose the way of suicide for samurai. Recently, it has been pointed out that the whole society has been hushed about Fukushima nuclear disaster by self-imposed pressure, a reminder of the subject mentality in the feudal society. Japan might have become more similar to other countries in the sense that Japanese and Chinese are similar in the eyes of Westerners, or Japanese and Americans are similar in the eyes of people who hate capitalism, but habits, especially bad ones, will not change. Thus, Japan cannot be more similar to other countries not matter how much communication and transportation develop.

現代の日本には侍や忍者はいないが彼らを取りまいていた社会的風土は生活の中に生きている。明治維新は幕府を廃止しこの国に西洋文明を移植した。この政策は物質的にはうまくいったが国民の基本的な考え方や風習はあまり変わってきていない。言語は侍関連の表現を維持し侍や忍者のドラマや漫画が沢山あり、人々は当時の小作人か町人のように行動する傾向がある。当局の動向を見守りそれに応じて一緒に行動する。私たちの独特の行動様式は非日常的状況で特に明らかになる。日本が第二次世界大戦で負けた時、新憲法は天皇を国家の象徴と規定したがそれに異論のある者はほとんどいなかった。その30年後、世界的に有名な日本人作家の三島由紀夫はクーデター失敗後割腹自殺した。同様の状況で他の国の人がするように銃で頭を撃ったり焼身自殺したりすることは思いつかなかったのかどうか分からないが、いずれにせよ侍用の自殺の方法を選んだ。最近では福島原発事故について社会船体が自粛して口を閉ざしていることが指摘されている。封建社会の臣民根性を彷彿とさせる。西洋人にとって日本人と中国人が似ている、あるいは資本主義を嫌う人にとって日本人とアメリカ人が似ているという意味で日本は他国に似てきているかもしれないが、習慣、特に悪い癖はどうしても変わらない。そういう訳でたとえどんなにコミュニケーションと交通が発達しようが日本は他国に似てくるはずがない。

Your Sample Description

 General Description 

一般的な説明

Specific Description 

具体的な説明

TOEFL iBT, Independent Writing, It is important for children to be required to help with household work as soon as they are old enough to know how to help their parents with the tasks that must be done around the house. - rewrite -

Writing Topic

Consider the following statement. It is important for children to be required to help with household work as soon as they are old enough to know how to help their parents with the tasks that must be done around the house. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Support your response by including specific reasons and examples.

☆Let’s Think

Survey     

Questions	Your Response	Classmate A’s Response	Classmate B’s Response
What chores have you done? How have they affected you?

Discussion

1) What happens when children are assigned to do a certain household work when they are not old enough to know how to help parents with it?

2) If or when you become a parent, will you have your child help around the house? Why?

3) Are there any counterarguments against this statement?

                                                        

☆Hints for Points

1.    Choses are skills necessary for independence.

手伝いは自立に必要な技術だ。

2.    By doing chores, children can acquire patience, a sense of responsibility, and self-esteem.

手伝いをすることによって忍耐力や責任感、自尊心を獲得できる。

3.    Chores introduce children to seasonal traditional events and teach them their culture.

手伝いは子供に季節の伝統行事を導入し文化を教える。

4.    Through helping with parents, children can effectively communicate with them.

親の手伝いをすることを通して子供は効果的に意思疎通を行うことができる。

5.    Children will come to appreciate work done by parents and gain respect for labor in general if they help their parents with their work.

親の仕事を手伝うと、子供は親のする仕事に感謝し、一般的な労働への敬意を得る。

6.    Some parents might forgo having their children do chores so that they can spend more time to study, but chose might as well be viewed as a part of education..

子供が勉強にもっと時間を費やせるようにするために子供に手伝いをさせるのを控える親もいるかもしれないが、手伝いは教育の一環とみなされても良いかもしれない。

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction】I agree with the statement that it is important for children to be required to help with household work as soon as they are old enough to know how to help their parents with the tasks that must be done around the house because doing chores helps children’s development in many aspects.

【Reason 1】Assigning children chores commensurate with their abilities is quite beneficial in helping children become independent.

【Reason 2】Chores are good for the emotional development of children.

【Reason 3】Doing chores will also help physical and intellectual development.

【Conclusion】Assigning children chores will help their emotional, mental, and physical development, as well as giving them basic skills of daily life unless it interferes with other crucial activities for growth.

【主張】手伝いは多くの点で子供の成長を助けるので、子供が家でしなくてはならない仕事の手伝い方が分かる年になったらすぐに手伝いをするよう要求されることは大切だという発言に私は賛成だ。

【理由１】能力に釣り合った手伝いを子供に割り当てるのは自立に大いに役立つ。

【理由２】手伝いは情緒の発達に良い。

【理由３】身体と知能の発達も助ける。

【結論】成長に必須の活動を妨げない限り、子供に手伝いをさせるのは日常生活の基本的な技術を与えるだけでなく、情緒や精神、身体の発達を助ける。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】                                                                                                                          e.g.

【Point 2】                                                                                                                          e.g.

【Point 3】                                                                                                                          e.g.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions

Unfortunately, because of poverty or negligence, many children on this planet are still forced to help with household work at the expense of other important activities they need to go through for their development such as playing and studying. Purpose of having children do chores should be part of their education. As long as they are not exploited, it is good for children to help with household chores as soon as they are old enough to do them because doing chores helps children’s development in many aspects.

残念ながら貧困や怠慢のために地球上の多くの子供が依然として遊びや勉強のような発達のために経験する必要のある重要な活動を犠牲にして家事を手伝わされている。子供に手伝いをさせる目的は教育の一環であるべきだ。搾取されない限り、手伝いは多くの点で子供の成長を助けるので、子供が家でしなくてはならない仕事の手伝い方が分かる年になったらすぐに手伝いをするよう要求されることは大切だという発言に私は賛成だ。

Assigning chores commensurate with their abilities is quite beneficial in helping children become independent. They can learn basic skills to lead a daily life such as making beds, cleaning, and cooking. There is no denying that having these skills will make their lives much easier in the future than not having them. It is parents’ responsibility to teach their children these skills so that they can function well in society.

能力に釣り合った手伝いを子供に割り当てるのは自立に大いに役立つ。ベッドメイキングや掃除、料理の様な日常生活をする基本的な技術を学ぶことができる。これらの技術がないよりあるほうが将来生活がずっと楽になることは否定できない。子供が社会できちんと機能できるようにするためにこれらの技術を教えるのは親の責任だ。

Chores are good for the emotional development of children because being of use to others makes one emotionally stable. Acquiring patience, sense of independence, sense of responsibility, and sense of bond with others are just a few of the good emotional effects doing chores has on them. Chores will give children good work ethic and natural joy of doing tasks by using their body and mind. By being appreciated and praised for doing a certain task, for example, a child will acquire some or all of these aspects of a good personality. If the assigned task is part of a seasonal event done with other family members, it would be not just a task but fun for the child and a good memory that supports the child later in life. As long as it does not make children feel taken advantage of, doing chores will help children’s emotional development.

他人の役に立つことにより人は心が安定するので手伝いは情緒の発達に良い。忍耐や自立心、責任感、他者とつながっている感覚は手伝いが子供に与える情緒面の良い影響のほんの数例だ。手伝いは子供に良い労働倫理と体と頭を使って仕事をすることの自然な喜びを与える。例えばある仕事をして感謝され褒められることによって子供は良い人格のいくつか又は全ての面を獲得する。割り当てられた仕事が家族と共に行う季節の行事の一環であれば、子供にとって単なる仕事ではなく楽しみとなり。その後その子を支える良い思い出になるだろう。子供が利用されていると感じない限り手伝いは子供の情緒的発達を助ける。

Doing chores will also help physical and intellectual development. Households involve various small tasks which require various physical and intellectual efforts. Thinking of better ways and carrying them out can develop children’s body and brain. Dish washing, for example, can be done quickly and economically if planned well and done neatly. Cleaning the bathroom necessitates moving parts of the body that are usually not used. Of course playing and studying is necessary for their education, but then chores appropriate for the age and assigned for a fraction of their leisure time are probably the best tools for their education, for they are part of reality, which should be the starting point of good education.

体と頭の発達も助ける。家事は体と頭の努力を要する様々な小さな仕事を含.む。よりうまい方法を考えて実行することにより体と脳が発達する。例えば皿洗いはよく計画してきちんと行うと素早く経済的にできる。お風呂掃除は普段使わない体の部位を動かすことを必要とする。もちろん遊びと勉強は教育に必要だが、それなら年齢にふさわしく暇な時の一部で課される手伝いはおそらく教育のための最善の道具だろう。というのは手伝いは現実の一部であるからであり、現実は良い教育の出発点であるべきだからだ。

Assigning children chores will help their emotional, mental, and physical development, as well as giving them basic skills of daily life unless it interferes with other crucial activities for growth. Therefore, children should be told to help with household chores when they are ready, or spare not only the rod but also the chore and spoil the child.

成長に必須の活動を妨げない限り、子供に手伝いをさせるのは日常生活の基本的な技術を与えるだけでなく、情緒や精神、身体の発達を助ける。従って、できるようになったら子供は家事を手伝うように言われるべきだ。言い換えればかわいい子には旅だけでなく手伝いもさせよである。

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Supporting Details】

【follow-up】

【Wrap-up】

TOEFL iBT. Independent Writing,Parents and communities should play an active role in improving the quality of education. - rewrite -

Writing Topic

Consider the following statement. Parents and communities should play an active role in improving the quality of education. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Support your response by including specific reasons and examples.

☆Let’s Think

1)    What is education? (What are the examples of education?)

2)    How does education relate to parents and communities?

3)    In what way can parents and communities play a role in providing quality education?

☆Hints for Points

Agree

1.    Parents and communities are the most serious about providing quality education to their children.

e.g. Education expenses account for approximately 40% of the household economy in the case of Japan.

親や地域社会は子供に質の高い教育を提供することについて一番真剣だ。例 日本の場合教育費は家計の訳40%を占める。

2.    People in the community, rather than the government, often know what should be taught at school, so their voices should be reflected more in education.

e.g. About 100 years ago, in Taisho era, merchants of the city of Osaka keenly felt the need of language abilities in trading internationally and financed the establishment of a language school for young merchants, which was nationalized by the government after WWII and became Osaka University of Foreign Studies. 政府よりむしろ地域の人々の方がしばしば学校で教えるべきことを知っているので彼らの声が教育に反映されるべきだ。

例 約100年前の大正時代、大阪市の商人たちは国際的に貿易を行う際の外国語能力の必要性を強く感じ、若い商人たちのための語学学校の設立に資金提供した。この学校は第二次世界大戦後政府により国立化され大阪外国語大学となった。

3.    Mind development will be accelerated by the help of the community.  e.g. Some communities have started learning support systems by volunteers and has improved performances of children at school.

地域の援助により精神の発達が加速するだろう。 例 ボランティアによる学習支援制度を開始し子供の学校の成績を改善した地域がある。

Disagree

1.    Leaving education to specialists is the best policy. The government has the department of education and trains qualified professionals to provide a good education above a certain level. Tax money is used for the purpose and thus parents and communities should express their opinions about education as voters.

教育は専門家に任せるのが最善の策だ。政府は文部省を有し良い教育を提供するために資格のあるプロを訓練している。税金はそのために使われているのであり、従って親や地域社会は教育に関する意見を有権者として表明すべきだ。

2.    Influential entities such as powerful men or religious organizations might retrogress the education.

e.g. There are people who are against girls’ education.

権力者や宗教組織等の影響力のある存在が教育を逆行させるかもしれない。 例 女子教育に反対する人がいる。

☆Sample Essay Structure

A

【Introduction】It is important that adults play an active role in improving the quality of education.

【Point 1】Parents and communities should make efforts to revive the good part of traditional communal education that has been disintegrating through modernization.

【Point 2】Mind development will be accelerated by the help of the community.

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that too many cooks can spoil the broth as the saying goes, but it is the golden rule of a good society that youngsters are to be supported by the adults that happen to be around them, for education is the core of nurturing good citizens.

【Conclusion】Although they do not have to be officious, adults in a community should care a little more about their children.

【導入】教育の質を改善する点において大人が積極的な役割を果たすことは重要だ。

【要点1】近代化を通して崩壊してきている伝統的な地域の教育の良い部分を再生する努力を親と地域はすべきだ。

【要点2】地域の援助により精神の発達が加速されるだろう。

【反論処理】諺にあるように船頭多くして船山に登るというのは本当だが子供は偶然周りにいる大人が支えるべしというのが良い社会の黄金律だ。というのは教育は良い市民育成の核心だからだ。

【結論】おせっかいにならなくても良いが地域社会の大人たちは子供たちのことをもう少し構うべきだろう。

B

【Introduction】With caveats, I agree with the statement that parents and communities should play an active role in improving the quality of education.

【Merits】Adults can learn more about child-rearing. Communication between pedagogues and parents will be better. Also, financial aid from the community for education can increase.

【Concern 1】Ideology might overwhelm reality, and children might be forced to follow unnecessary rules.

【Concern 2】The power structure among parents or in the community can be reflected, and inequality may become greater.

【Conclusion】Active participation of the adults in education is fundamentally good, but unless it is decided to what extent parents and communities intervene education, adverse effects cannot be avoided.

【導入】警告付きで親や地域社会が教育改善に積極的な役割を果たすべきだという発言に賛成する。

【利点】親は子育てについてより多く学べる。教育者と親の意思疎通が良くなる。また地域社会の教育に対する金銭的援助が増すだろう。

【憂慮1】イデオロギーが現実を圧倒し、子供たちが不要な決まりに従うことを強制されるかもしれない。

【憂慮2】親や地域社会の権力構造が反映され、不平等が増すかもしれない。

【結論】教育における大人の積極的参加は基本的に良いことだが、どの程度まで親や地域社会が教育に介入するのかを決めない限り逆効果は避けられないだろう。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Sample paragraph development

A

【Main Idea】Parents and communities should make efforts to revive the good part of traditional communal education that has been disintegrating through modernization.

【Explanation】In contact with the West, my country Japan had to .give up the virtue of the traditional society including sophisticated education for children and focus on education to make Japan a powerful nation (until the end of WWII) or a strong economy (after WWII). As a result, it suffers from social problems related to the young,

【Example】High rates of suicide of the young, feeling of isolation, and indifference to the weak are some of the examples.

【Detail】This change has been going on for generations, so adults often lack discipline.

【Follow-up】Education in traditional societies has defects such as prejudice against women, but such defects are hard to wipe out anyway and today’ s society is one which has lost the virtue and keeps the vice. Thus, the system in which the community helps children to fit in the society should be kept or revived.

【Wrap-up】 Social solidarity must be protected by education conducted by the members of the society.

【主張】近代化を通して崩壊してきている伝統的な地域の教育の良い部分を再生する努力を親と地域はすべきだ。

【説明】西洋との接触の中で私の国日本は洗練された子供用の教育を含めた伝統社会の美徳を捨てて日本を強国にしたり（敗戦まで）経済大国にしたり（戦後）するための教育に集中してきた。その結果若者に関連する社会問題に苦しんでいる。

【例】高い若者の自殺率や孤独感、弱者への無関心などが例だ。

【詳細】この変化は何世代も続いているので大人がしばしばしつけを欠く。

【補足】伝統社会の教育には女性蔑視のような欠点もあるかそのような欠点はいつれにせよ根絶するのは困難であり現代社会はその美徳を喪失し悪徳を保った社会なのだ。よって地域社会が子供の社会適応を助けるシステムは保ち再生すべきだ。

【まとめ】社会の構成員によって行われる教育によって社会の団結を保護しなくてはならない。

B

【Main Idea】Mind development will be accelerated by the help of the community.

【Explanation】Awareness and cognition of children will be stimulated by the active involvement of the community in education.

【Example】For example, the community can support education after school, providing experiences crucial to mind development.

【More Specific Example】Adults can show children importance of diligence, tell them community history, culture, and tradition, or teach them wise ways of seeing things that are not taught in school. They can also give children sense of security by interacting with them.

【Follow-up】Of course school curriculum aims at mind development with regard to the children’s ages, but the good old way of nurturing the young compensates for it.

【Conclusion】 Children will be able to know who they are and be encouraged to be mature enough to positively educate themselves if they are taken care of by adult members of the community.

【主張】地域の援助により精神の発達が加速されるだろう。

【説明】教育における地域の積極的参加により子供の意識と認識が刺激されるだろう。

【例】例えば地域社会は放課後の教育を支援し精神の発達にとって重要な経験を提供することができる。

【より具体的な例】大人は勤勉の重要性を示したり地域の歴史・文化・伝統を伝えたり学校で教えない賢明なものの見方を教えたりすることができる。また交流することにより子供たちに安心感を与えることもできる。

【補足】もちろん学校のカリキュラムは子供の年齢に従った精神の発達を目標としているが、若者を育てる古くからある良い方法はそれを補足する。

【結論】 地域の大人が世話をすれば子供は自分が何者か理解し積極的に自習するほど成熟するように励まされるだろう。

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Detail / Example in general】

【More Specific Detail / Example】

【follow-up】

【Wrap-up】