TOEFL iBT, Independent Writing, Do you agree that your county has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

With many technological advances in communication and transportation, many people feel that the various countries of the world are becoming more similar to each other. Do you agree that your county has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods? Use specific examples and details to explain why or why not.

☆Let’s Think

Let’s make sure the last part of the question before getting to the main point.

1)    What is communication?

2)    Give examples of transportation.

3)    What is the example of modern communication methods? What about modern transportation methods?

Now. Let’s take a look at the main part of the question and compare the following two sentences.

1)    My country has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods.

2)    My country has become similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods.

Does your county look more similar to other countries compared to what it was 150 years ago when, it took a month for a newspaper, the only news medium then, to reach America from Britain and when samurai ruled Japan or when taking an airplane cost a fortune and the Internet did not exist? Have the street views changed? Remember the lifestyle of your grandparents. What do they to eat, wear, and enjoy?

当時唯一の媒体だった新聞がイギリスからアメリカに着くのに一か月かかり侍が日本を治めていた200年前と比べて自分の国は他国に似てきているだろうか？飛行機に乗るのは大金がかかりインターネットは存在していなかった50年前と比べるとどうだろうか。街並みは変化しているだろうか。祖父母のライフスタイルを思い出してみよう。何を食べ、どんな服装をし、何を楽しんでいるだろうか？

Research

My country has become similar to / is still different from other countries in the following aspects.

	1	2	3
Past
Present

☆Hints for points

Points for Agreement

1.      People used to wear traditional clothing before, but now most people wear Western style clothing.

2.      Most houses were made of wood and paper before, but now they are made of modern materials.

3.      Only elites and city people used to enjoy western culture before, but now most people do.

Points for Disagreement

4.      Most people do not speak any foreign language as a second language.

5.      There are more local food stores than international food chains like McDonald’s and Starbucks.

6.      TV programs are very different from those of other countries.

☆Sample Essay Structure

A

【Introduction】 I agree with the idea that my country has become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods with some reservation.

【Point 1】The Meiji Restoration has changed the whole society into a modern one.

【Point 2】Globalization has made people share the same commodities and a common culture worldwide.

【Counter Example】We have not given up our language, traditional cultures, and prejudices.

【Conclusion】Exchange of goods and information with other countries has made my country similar to other countries for the most part although some cultures and ideas remain unchanged.

【導入】 保留付きだが、近現代的なコミュニケーション手段と交通手段により私の国は他国に似てきているという考えに賛成だ。

【要点1】明治維新によって国中が近代国家に変わった。

【要点 2】グローバル化により世界中で同じ商品と共通の文化を共有するようになった。

【反例】言語や伝統文化そして偏見はまだ捨てていない。

【結論】変わらない文化や考えもあるが、他国との物資・情報の交換は大体において私の国を他の国と似通わせてきている。

B

【Introduction】 My country externally appears to have become more similar to other countries because of modern communication and transportation methods, but the inner state has not changed much.

【Point 1】We Japanese eat teriyaki burger and put powdered green tea in anything.

【Point 2】We have adopted democracy, but it is faith to the senior and groupism that run this county.

【Counterargument-treatment】There are no samurai in present Japan, but they are alive in our mind.

【Conclusion】Japan has achieved no more resemblance to other countries than Hello Kitty has to Betty Boop.

【導入】 近現代的なコミュニケーション手段と交通手段により私の国は外面的には他国に似てきているように見えるが内面の状態はあまり変わっていない。

【要点1】私たち日本人はてりやきバーガーを食べ何にでも抹茶を入れる。

【要点 2】私たちは民主主義を採用したがこの国を動かしているのは目上の人への忠義と集団順応主義だ。

【反論処理】現代日本には侍はいないが生活の中に生きている。

【結論】日本が他の国に似てきていないのはキティちゃんがベティちゃんに似てきていないのと同じだ。

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Top-down Development: from general ideas to specific ideas

トップダウンの展開： 一般から具体へ

Let’s compare the present and the past and make conclusions. Make sure that the description starts with the general and moves on to the specific.

Homogenization in materialistic aspects through economic globalization

経済のグローバル化を通しての物質面の均一化

The development of communication and transportation methods has enabled large corporations to spread the same products all over the world more thoroughly than before and boosted the homogenization of the world, at least materialistically. My country Japan is not an exception. People used to live in wooden houses, wear kimono, and eat rice and fish, but these days, they live with something western or American. They live in buildings made of concrete and steel whose interiors are filled with electronic appliances and modern furniture, wear clothes found in western media, and often eat meat-and-bread-based food.

コミュニケーション手段と交通手段の発展により大企業が同じ製品を以前より徹底的に世界中に広めることが可能になり少なくとも物質的には世界の均一化が進んだ。私の国である日本も例外ではない。昔人々は木の家に住み着物を着て米と魚を食べていたが最近は何か欧米的なものと過ごしている。内部が電化製品と近代的な家具で埋まっているコンクリートと鉄鋼でできた建物に住み、西洋のメディアに出てくる服を着て、頻繁に肉とパンが基本の食事をする。

Westernization of popular music

流行歌の西洋化

Trends in popular music reflect changes of a society very clearly. Japanese pop music has become closer to those in other countries than before. Japanese pop songs were slow-tempo and sounded like traditional folk music before, but now most of them are up-tempo and sound like American and British pops, which have been influenced by the music in other parts of the world. Since music affects many aspects of life, it can be said that our general mentality has also become more similar to those in other countries. This change, the pervasiveness of western culture through music, corresponds to the development of technologies for sharing materials and information. The change of media from the radio to TV to the Internet and more opportunities for concert tours enabled western music industry to market and familiarize its products to more people in my country.

流行歌の傾向は非常に明確に社会の変化を反映する。日本人の流行歌は以前よりも他の国の流行歌に近づいてきている。以前日本の流行歌はテンポが遅く伝統的な民謡の様な響きだったが今ではほとんどがテンポが速くアメリカかイギリスの流行歌の様に聞こえる。そしてアメリアやイギリスの流行歌は世界の他の地域の音楽に影響されている。音楽は生活の多くの面に影響を与えるので私たちの気質も他の国々のそれと似てきていると言える。この変化つまり音楽を通した西洋文化の普及は物質・情報共有用の技術の進歩と一致する。ラジオからテレビそしてインターネットへの媒体の変化とコンサート・ツアーの機会が増えたことにより西洋の音楽産業が私の国のより多くの人々に製品を売り込み親しませることができるようになったのだ。

Assimilation to other cultures through history 

歴史を通しての異文化との同化

The large wave of global assimilation has affected Japan, where I live. As Yuval Noah Harari points out in his book Sapiens, countries and cultures have been integrated into ones with larger realms since ancient times. An island country Japan has also always been in the influential spheres of other cultures, even during the period of cultural isolation－most high levels of thought in the Edo Era were expressed in Chinese. In other words, it has syncretized other cultures into its cultures. Rice farming and use of Chinese characters are examples of cultures Japan has shared with other countries. In modernization and industrialization after the Meiji Restoration, Japan has taken in Western cultures through their languages, and the process has accelerated after WWII for not only geopolitical reasons but also development of the means of communication and transportation. Moreover, it has even exported products like instant noodles and anime to many countries. Therefore, It is natural that it has become similar to other countries both in fundamental aspects of daily life such as housing and clothing and in inner life.

世界的な同化の大波が私の住む国である日本に影響を与えてきている。ユバル・ノア・ハラリが自著「サピエンス」で指摘しているように、古代から国々と文化はより大きな領域の国・文化に統一されてきている。島国日本もずっと異文化の影響圏に入り続けてきた。鎖国時代でさえも。（江戸時代の高度な思想は漢文で表現された）言い換えれば異文化を自国文化に統合してきた。稲作と漢字の使用は日本が他国と共有してきた文化の例だ。明治維新後の近代化・工業化では日本は西洋言語を通して西洋文化を取り入れてきており、その過程は第2次世界大戦後地政学的理由のみならずコミュニケーション手段と交通手段の発達のために加速した。更にはインスタント麺やアニメの様な製品を多くの国に輸出しさえしてきた。従って住宅や衣服の様な日常生活の基本的な面と内面生活の両面で他国と似てきているのは当然だ。

Inalterability of the social climate

社会的風土の不変性

There are no samurai or ninja in present Japan, but the social climate that surrounded them is alive in our lives. The Maiji Restoration abolished Shogunate and transplanted Western civilization into this country. Materialistically, the policy has been successful, but fundamental mindset and customs of the people not changed very much. Our language maintains samurai-related expressions, samurai or ninja dramas and mangas are abundant, and people tend to act like those of peasants or towners in those days. They watch the move of the authority and collectively act accordingly. Our distinctive behavioral pattern becomes especially evident in extraordinary situations. When Japan lost WWII, the new constitution stipulated the Emperor as the symbol of the State, to which few objected. About 30 years later, a world-famous Japanese author, Yukio Mishima committed suicide by hara-kiri, or disembowelment, after his failed coup. There is no knowing whether he thought of shooting his head off or burning himself as people in other countries do in the same kind of situation or not, but either way, he chose the way of suicide for samurai. Recently, it has been pointed out that the whole society has been hushed about Fukushima nuclear disaster by self-imposed pressure, a reminder of the subject mentality in the feudal society. Japan might have become more similar to other countries in the sense that Japanese and Chinese are similar in the eyes of Westerners, or Japanese and Americans are similar in the eyes of people who hate capitalism, but habits, especially bad ones, will not change. Thus, Japan cannot be more similar to other countries not matter how much communication and transportation develop.

現代の日本には侍や忍者はいないが彼らを取りまいていた社会的風土は生活の中に生きている。明治維新は幕府を廃止しこの国に西洋文明を移植した。この政策は物質的にはうまくいったが国民の基本的な考え方や風習はあまり変わってきていない。言語は侍関連の表現を維持し侍や忍者のドラマや漫画が沢山あり、人々は当時の小作人か町人のように行動する傾向がある。当局の動向を見守りそれに応じて一緒に行動する。私たちの独特の行動様式は非日常的状況で特に明らかになる。日本が第二次世界大戦で負けた時、新憲法は天皇を国家の象徴と規定したがそれに異論のある者はほとんどいなかった。その30年後、世界的に有名な日本人作家の三島由紀夫はクーデター失敗後割腹自殺した。同様の状況で他の国の人がするように銃で頭を撃ったり焼身自殺したりすることは思いつかなかったのかどうか分からないが、いずれにせよ侍用の自殺の方法を選んだ。最近では福島原発事故について社会船体が自粛して口を閉ざしていることが指摘されている。封建社会の臣民根性を彷彿とさせる。西洋人にとって日本人と中国人が似ている、あるいは資本主義を嫌う人にとって日本人とアメリカ人が似ているという意味で日本は他国に似てきているかもしれないが、習慣、特に悪い癖はどうしても変わらない。そういう訳でたとえどんなにコミュニケーションと交通が発達しようが日本は他国に似てくるはずがない。

Your Sample Description

 General Description 

一般的な説明

Specific Description 

具体的な説明