TOEFL iBT Writing for an Academic Discussion Working hours and the pays (revised )

Drill  Which of the two answers below is better as a response to the following question? How can it be improved?

Question: Would you like to stay in a foreign country for a year or travel around the world if it’s possible during your high-school sophomore year?

 

Answer A: I would like to stay in a foreign country for a year rather than travel around the world during my sophomore year in my high school. There are two reasons. First, I would like to learn English overseas so that I can get a higher score in the entrance examination of a university. To be fluent in a language, it takes time. Therefore, I need to stay in an English-speaking country for at least a year. Second, I want to make friends with people in a foreign country. Friendship takes time to build. Thus, I would choose a one-year stay.

Answer B: If I stay in a foreign country for a year, I would be able to learn the culture and the language well. I would also be able to bond with the people there. If lucky, the country would be my second home. On the other hand, if I travel around the world for a year, I would be familiar with a variety of climate types and societies. I would choose the latter because I want to see the world first, and then think about whether to stay in a foreign country for a long time and which country I should stay if I do it.

 

 

 

Writing Question: Which would you choose: a high-paying job with long working hours or a lower-paying job with shorter working hours?

 

 

☆Let’s think

Make a point-by-point comparison of the two types of the jobs in the question, using the table below.

	Disposable Income	Amount of Free Time	Stress Level	Job Satisfaction	Leisure Activities	Stability	Others
High-paying job with long working yours Examples:
Lower-paying job with shorter working hours Examples:

 

1.       Which working condition would you rather choose? Why?

2.       Explain why you do not care about the disadvantages?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Reasons to choose a high-paying job with long working hours

1.       I would like to contribute to society as a specialist. I like working. I would spend long hours p the practicing my profession, gaining knowledge, and improving my skills.

2.       Life planning is the key. It is common sense to choose a job with regular working hours for stability. I would like to live in a safe and comfortable place, wear stylish clothes, and eat safe food to live a long, healthy life. I would also like to get married and have children as a respected citizen.

3.       All I need is money rather than time, so a lower-paying job is not my choice.

 

Reasons to choose a lower-paying job with shorter working hours

1.       Unless life becomes precarious, I would like to continue my study over the next ten years.

2.       My nature defines the so-called normal lifestyle. I just cannot conform to regular work hours. I am not inclined to work 8 hours from 9 to five every week day. This does not mean that I am lazy. I have a strong power of concentration, while my body clock is just not suitable for a regular life pattern.

3.       I would like to enjoy leisure time with modest income. It is healthier both mentally and physically than to have a high-paying job.

4.       As the saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”

 

 

☆Sample Response Structures  

Sample 1 

【Thesis】It may sound counterintuitive, but I think a hard-working specialist has a well-rounded life.

【Supporting Details】Lower-paying jobs with shorter hours often require the worker to be a small part of the whole operation like a cog in a machine. The tasks are simple and monotonous, giving the worker little joy of labor. They are often either always sedentary or always itinerant. Chances to interact with other humans through normal discourse are limited. All of these are stressful to human nature. On the other hand, higher-paying jobs with long working hours allow workers to be voluntary, proactive, and creative. Challenging job assignments help keep the spirit high, and in the end, will contribute to contentment.

【Counterargument-treatment】Although Mia assumes personal fulfillment and well-being relates to jobs with shorter working hours, jobs with long working hours are also accompanied by them. Not only the job satisfaction I mentioned above but also abundant remuneration saves the workers and their family from fears of precarious life, unlike those with lower-paying jobs. In addition, labor law protects workers from working extremely long hours.

【Conclusion】Therefore, I would rather pursue job satisfaction and stable life by working long hours.

(190 words)

 

Sample 2

【Thesis】Considering the balance between work and life, I would choose a lower-paying job with shorter working hours because time is life, as the author of Momo says.

【Working hours】This insightful children’s book, which is intended for adults to read, questions values of capitalist society, suggesting sacrificing time is the root cause of unhappiness in today’s world. Adults in the village in this story, recruited for business, lose time to spend with their children, who get agitated with this neglect. Momo, a girl who is not related to the villagers and their activities, alone is saved from losing time and remains happy. As we can see in this story, keeping the natural, relaxed lifestyle is the key to happiness. Therefore, work with shorter hours is preferable. The flexible work hours allow a relaxed lifestyle.

【Income】 Lower income may not promise a life free from anxiety. However, it is also doubtful whether high-income jobs guarantee it. Companies can go bankrupt, or injury or illness can easily lower their status. If you are money-oriented, this downfall will be your death sentence, while prioritizing time at least saves you from identity crisis.

【Conclusion】After all, even if you have a lot of money, if you do not have time to spend it to enjoy life, your life is a failure. To stay as human as possible in this modern world of insanity, I would be happy to be less paid and have more leisure time.

(238 words)

 

 

 

DRAFT