TOEFL iBT Independent Writing What aspect of your hometown would you like to change, and in what way? - revised -

 

Writing Topic: Suppose that you had the power to change one thing about your hometown. What aspect of your hometown would you like to change, and in what way? Support your ideas with specific details and reasons.

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.       What does the following proverb mean? Do you feel the same way? “Every bird thinks its own nest charming.”

 

2.       Hints: Here are some hints to think of what to change about your hometown.

1)     Suppose you were an outsider. What part of your town is embarrassing?

2)     Remember other towns and cities you know and compare them with yours. Is your hometown as beautiful as they are, as convenient as they are, or as exciting as they are?

3)     Think of your ideal town and find what your hometown lacks to be it.

 

3.       Here are some things that can be the hint for the change you could write about:

1) facilities: hospital, community center, library, swimming pool, streetlights, day-care center

2) system: events, neighborhood watch group, disaster planning, scholarship, tuition-free college

3)environment: green, pollution, littering, relationships, manners

 

4.       Now make a presentation of your idea about what to change about your town to your partner or group members. Ask each other questions or make suggestions about the presentation.

 

Use the following procedure if you like.

1.       Problem or the present situation: What is wrong or what is going on?

e. g. Senior citizens do not have places to get together. Some of them gather at local coffee shops but it is rather expensive to do it every day.

 

 

 

2.       Goal: How would you change it?

e. g. I would make all coffee shops in town free for the elderly and also have them have nurses and counselors on call.

 

 

 

3.       Expected Benefits: How will it benefit my hometown?

e. g. All seniors in town will have chances to enjoy themselves, their safety and health can be monitored easily, and the fact that my town has places for the elderly is something to be proud of in itself.

 

 

 

4.       Expected counterargument: What problems or oppositions do you expect? How would you deal with it?

e.g. All the expenses would be subsidized by the municipal office. It will save the medical costs instead because the mental and physical health of the seniors will improve. Younger generation feel that it is unfair that only seniors are favored, but everyone will get old.

 

 

 

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure 

【Introduction】I would like to make my town more appealing to the young by making streets more attractive.

【Point 1】Making the streets cleaner would make my town more likable.

【Point 2】I would also like new bulletin boards to be installed in some corners for information exchange.

【Follow-up】Appearance is not everything, but the first impression counts and streets are the face of the town. Also, this idea is more feasible in terms of cost than other ideas like adding facilities.

【Conclusion】 I would like to make the streets of my hometown more beautiful and exciting. 

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development of Point 1 in Sample Essay Structure 

【Main Idea】Making the streets cleaner would make my town more likable.

【Supporting Detail (general)】Young people, especially young women, are sensitive to unclean environment.

【Supporting Detail (specific)】However, there are some filthy backstreets that few people walk into even during the day in my town. These back alleys are filled with cigarette butts and plastic bags.

【Follow-up】Regulations might not be necessary. Posters with humor would do. Also, it is reported that a miniature shrine gate placed in the site stops littering. My town should try the idea.

【Wrap-up】As the saying goes, cleanliness is next to godliness, and many young people will visit my town if the streets do not look like hell.

 

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】

【Supporting Detail (general)】

 

【Supporting Detail (specific)】

 

【Follow-up】

 

【Wrap-up】

 

 

 

☆Note: To increase the volume of your essay, find the shortest paragraph and …

1) Develop the main idea well: If a paragraph has only one or two sentences, you have not developed it well enough. Make sure that each paragraph has its main idea, supporting details (examples), additional supporting details like counter-argument treatment if necessary, and the conclusion of the paragraph.

2) Develop each sentence well: A statement can have an exception or need a condition or concession. Look for a sentence that you can add a reason, condition, concession, or any other additional information, and add “except…”. “as long as…”. “although…”, etc.

3) Describe words well: Which of the following sentences gives a clear picture of someone’s pet? A) I have a pet.   B) I have a cute cat.   C) I have a little fluffy kitten. With two adjectives and a specific noun, Sentence C) depicts an adorable pet well and it happens to be the longest of the three. Also, use transitions such as First, Also, Moreover, Finally, or Therefore, when necessary.

4) Discuss other choice(s): Even if the Writing Topic does not say, “Discuss the two views” or “Compare and contrast the choices,” you can write about other choices. Doing so will make your essay more convincing and longer. Be careful not to digress.

5) Take up counterarguments: While you are writing, sometimes a counterargument, “Well, but what about this case?” comes up to your mind. Then it is better not to ignore it but take it up and give a counter-counterargument. It will make your essay more convincing. 

- The key to remember is to try to put what you want to say into words as accurately as you can. Then you cannot help adding some more words and sentences, and some more... In the end, your essay will have many words.