TOEFL iBT Independent Writing 1) There is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos. 2) High school uniforms - revised -

Writing Topic A

Do you agree with the following opinion? There is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos. Give specific reasons to support your answer.

 

 

☆Let’s think

1.    Do you agree with the idea that there is no benefit in playing games. Why/Why not?

2.    Is there any benefit in keeping animals in zoos?

3.    What are bad aspects of zoos? Do they offset the benefit(s) ?

 

 

☆Hints for points

Disagree

1.    Zoos have educational values. Children can learn about life and the importance of preserving the environment.

2.    Zoos contribute to studies and protection of wild life. Some endangered species are kept and bred successfully in zoos.

3.    Today’s zoos provide a better environment for animals to live in than before.

 

Agree

1.    It is cruel to keep animals in zoos. The place animals are kept is unnatural, unclean, and stressful. No matter how much improvement has been made, the  artificial environment is no match for the natural environment. Also, studies have shown that animals have more delicate brain activities, something similar to our emotions and thought, than we have thought. Thus, many of them might be aware of their confinement and be frustrated by the environment of exhibition.

 

2.    The educational value of zoos is questionable. Animals in zoos look and act differently from those in the wild. Also, showing animals that should be free in the wild kept in cages is a bad emotional education.

 

3.    The contribution of zoos to conservation is pointless. Rather than trying to artificially revive endangered species, reviving the environment of their original habitat is the right way to do it.

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structures

Sample 1

【Introduction】I disagree with the statement that there is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos.

【Point 1】Zoos entertain many people.

【Point 2】Zoos contribute to preservation.

【Counterargument-treatment】Many animals suffer from diseases and stress, but their living conditions are being improved.

【Conclusion】Although I myself cannot enjoy seeing confined animals anymore, I cannot totally agree with the notion that zoos are good for nothing because there are some benefits.

 

Sample 2

【Introduction】I totally agree with the statement that there is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos.

【Point 1】It is not beneficial but dehumanizing to keep living things in confinement.    e.g. callousness

【Point 2】The educational value of zoos is questionable.     e.g. not natural

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that some zoos have successfully preserved some endangered species, but the project is rather pointless because the original environment of those animals have been lost or changed. Sending them back to nature will either fail or cause other problems.

【Conclusion】Zoos are no better than freak shows that violate animal rights. Humans should evolve to have no zoos in the future. True animal lovers are to go into the wild themselves, not the other way (a)round.

 

 

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

☆Speech Time

Make a speech on this topic.

 

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development

A.

【Main Idea】Many animals in zoos suffer from diseases and stress, but their living conditions are being improved.

【Supporting Details】Cages are larger and cleaner than before. Some zoos are natural parks where animals freely move around. Also, open display, which attempts to show the characteristic behaviors of animals to visitors by installing facilities that make the target behavior possible, is becoming popular now.

【Follow-up】Although not all zoos treat animals well, changes are certainly happening as visitors favor zoos that have happier animals.

【Wrap-up】Zoos are not so inhumane as it is thought to be.

 

B.

【Main Idea】Educational value of the zoo is questionable.

【Supporting Details】It is said that people can learn about animals they cannot see around them in the zoo, but most people do not go to the zoo to study. I seldom see people reading the information hung in front of the cage. Also, videos and books will do for the purpose. Watching real animals alive may be more effective, but not essential. At any rate, animals in zoos are different from wild ones. They look and behave differently. For example, wild birds are much more beautiful than birds in zoos, and they are free to fly. Even those stay within their territory fly in a circle of at least some kilometers in diameter a day, many of them flying more than 100 meters high in the air. Zoos cannot provide birds with the same condition under which they live in the wild, and when birds cannot fly freely, they are not birds anymore. The same can be said more or less about other living things in the zoo.

【Wrap-up】Therefore, people learn little about animals in the zoo.

 

 

Your Sample Paragraph Development

Choose one of the points in your sample essay structure above and develop it.

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Supporting Details】

【Wrap-up】

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing topic B: Many high schools in various countries make their students wear uniforms on campus, but there are other high schools which allow their students to wear whatever clothes they like within certain limits. Using specific examples and reasons, discuss these policies. Which do you think is the better policy?

 

☆Let’s think

1.      What kind of people wear uniforms?

2.      Why do they wear uniforms, or why are they made to wear uniforms?

3.      Compare the reasoning and advantages/disadvantages of uniform and non-uniform policies in high school.

	Uniform Policy in High School	Non-uniform Policy in High school
Reasoning
Advantages or Disadvantages

4.      Which policy do you agree with? Why?

 

☆Hints for points

Uniform policy

1.    Uniforms make it clear that school is the place to study.

2.    Uniforms are for monitoring.

3.    Wearing a school uniform serves as a protection.

4.    Uniforms help equal treatment. The policy is fair for students with financial difficulties.

5.    Uniforms may nurture a sense of belonging.

6.    Unlike university, high schools should exercise restrictions on some aspects of students’ life.

 

No-uniform policy

1.    The no-uniform dress code reduces economic burden of the students. Uniforms are expensive.

2.    To make students wear uniforms violates freedom.

3.    Having students wear uniform is controlling students on school days.

4.    No-uniform policy can make high school life more enjoyable and memorable.

5.    By wearing everyday-clothes, high school students can relax in class and perform well.

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure

A.

【Introduction】Although it is at the discretion of the school to decide its dress codes, I would rather high schools to respect their students’ humanity.

【Uniform】Uniforms are labels.  

【Plain Clothes】The policy to allow students to wear any clothes with certain limitations reflects that the school is open to the outside world and treats students in the same way as society does,

【My View】No-uniform policy seems better to me because putting high school students in school uniforms is treating them as young children who still need to be watched and this is wrong.

【Conclusion】I think high school students should be treated as adults in fundamental aspects of life.

 

B.

【Introduction】Although it might not be so much a policy as a custom, to make high school students wear uniform is not a preferable practice.

【Point 1】In terms of productivity, casual outfits are more effective than uniform because of relaxation.

【Point 2】In terms of moral, various facts show that uniform has nothing to do with it.

【Counterargument-treatment】 There might be some good effects of uniforms, such as nurturing a sense of belonging to the school or promoting a simple lifestyle, but the negative influence of feeling the school authority imposed on them concerning what you wear is too strong to ignore. Also, if promoting solidarity of the students is necessary, it can be done through school events. As for a simple lifestyle, casual everyday clothes will do better than uniforms that cost tens of thousands of yen a piece. It is outrageous that parents have to fork out a fortune to buy uniforms that their schools specify when they prepare for their children’s learning.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】If the school uniform manufacturers integrated themselves to make a variety of lines of reasonably-priced high school fashion, I do not think high schools would find any reason to force students to wear uniforms.

 

Your Sample Essay Structure

Use either of the following sample essay structures or the blank form and make your sample essay structure.

A.

【Introduction=Outline】

【Uniform Policy】

【Non-uniform Policy】

【My View】

【Conclusion=Wrap-up】

 

B.

【Introduction=Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Blank Form

【Introduction = Outline】

【        】

【        】

【        】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

 

☆Speech Time

Make a speech on this topic.

 

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development

A.

【Main Idea】Uniforms are labels.

【Supporting Details】Traditionally, clothing has been an important indicator of social status. Both those in a certain uniform and those seeing them in it confirm that the former is expected to play a certain role and behave accordingly. A high school uniform, therefore, means that the person in the uniform is expected to behave as a minor and as a student of the school that the uniform represents. This has both an advantage and a disadvantage. The advantage is that the student is protected by the society. The disadvantage is the restriction of individuality. Also, in Japan, where schools are ranked according to the deviation scores, school uniforms are literal labels of the students’ positions in the academic hierarchy. Like a jar of jam with a label, students in uniforms are judged, treated, and expected to act in a way that matches the image of the uniform they are wearing.

【Wrap-up】This will discourage students from having self-respect or modesty, and thus it may negatively affect emotional development of the students.

 

B.

【Main Idea】Having students wear uniform is controlling students on school days.

【Supporting Details】School intends to have less trouble by making students wear uniforms. The assumption is that students will be less likely to end up in places where they are not supposed to be or be involved in unacceptable activities when they are in uniforms. However, students go out in their daily clothes on weekends.

【Wrap-up】Therefore, uniform does not help students so much as it helps the school with uniform policy. It can help students stay out of trouble on school days, and the school takes advantage of it.

 

C.

【Main Idea】To make students wear uniforms violates freedom.

【Supporting Details】Having high school students wear a uniform denies their freedom of choice in pursuit of happiness. Deciding one’s appearance is an important, fundamental right. The policy to allow students to wear any clothes with certain limitations shows that the school expects students to have some autonomy, assuming that high school students are old enough to decide what they should wear for the day. It allows students to have freedom, independence, and individuality. School has no authority to limit them.

【Wrap-up】Thus, high school students in a free world should not be forced to wear a school uniform.

 

D.

【Main Idea】Putting high school students in school uniforms is treating them as children who still need to be watched, and this is wrong.

【Supporting Details】A uniform is a reminder of responsibility of having a certain occupation or being in a certain social status. Military officers, medical personnel, restaurant workers, kindergarten pupils, and inmates are in uniforms. They are expected to behave as society expects them to. However, high school students are neither workers nor people who need monitoring. They are half-adults who are in the period of life when their world view and identity is challenged and reestablished. The uniform policy limits this transformation by explicitly showing that they are watched and controlled, and this makes most people stop challenging authorities.

【Wrap-up】Thus, uniforms contribute to making uncritical, irresponsible citizens.

 

E.

【Main Idea】Uniform contributes to fairness.

【Supporting Details】This is because uniforms can prevent wealth gap from being revealed. Under the no-uniform policy, rich students will naturally come to school in high-quality, stylish attire, and poor students keep wearing what they can afford for years. This difference can lead to separation, discrimination and even bullying,

【Follow-up】Students may not show such problems on the surface, but according to a professor, school is a closed space where even the smallest difference can make one ostracized.

【Wrap-up】Till they go to university and acquire freedom to escape from belligerence, high school students, especially the vulnerable ones, need to be protected from it by being in the same clothes as others are wearing.

 

 

Your test paragraph development

Choose one of the reasons you have come up with, make it the main idea, and develop it using the following form.

【Main Idea】

 

【Supporting Details】

 

 

【Follow-up】

 

【Wrap-up】

Pre-TOEFL Writing Which is more important for success: the natural ability you are born with or hard work? - revised -

Writing Topic

Which is more important for success: the natural ability you are born with or hard work? Explain your opinion, using specific reasons and examples.

生まれつきの能力と勤勉のどちらが成功にとってより重要ですか？具体的な理由と例を使って意見を説明してください。

 

 

☆Let’s Think

考えてみよう。

What is success? Perhaps it means achieving an above average goal like winning a difficult game or becoming rich. It also may mean becoming a respectable adult. How are these two words, the natural ability you are born with and hard work, related to success? Thinking of some so-called successful people would help answer this question. For example, Muhammad Ali is one of many successful people who was born with great abilities and worked hard as well. Which of these two factors were more important in his success?

成功とは何だろう。たぶん困難な試合で優勝するとかお金持ちになるような平均より上の目標を達成することを意味する。また立派な大人になることを意味するかもしれない。生まれつきの能力と勤勉というこれら二つの言葉はどのように成功と関係があるのだろう。いわゆる成功している人たちを思い浮かべることはこの質問に答える助けとなるだろう。例えばモハメッド・アリは恐らく素晴らしい能力を持って生まれ一生懸命に働きもした多くの成功者の中のひとりだろう。これら二つの要因のどちらが彼の成功においてより重要だったのだろう？

 

☆Hints for Points

要点のヒント

Natural Ability 生まれつきの能力

1.     It is often the case that a genius grows up in the worst environment

最悪の環境内で天才が育つということがよくある。

2.     Success owes largely to luck, and heredity is part of luck.

成功は運に大いに負っている。そして遺伝は運の一部だ。

 

Hard Work 勤勉

1.     Competitions are held among talented people, of whom one working hardest will win. e.g. athletes

才能のある人々の間で競争が行われる。彼らの中で最も努力したものが勝つ。 例 運動家

2.      Human society is more complicated than the animal world, so natural ability does not count so much as it is in the animal world.

人間社会は動物の世界より複雑なので、自然の能力は動物の世界においてほど重要ではない。

 

☆Sample Essay Structures

エッセイ構成例

Sample 1

【Introduction = Outline】In my opinion, genetic factor is the most important in success.

【Point 1】Successful people appear in all social classes in any kind of society.

【Point 2】Each person is born with a talent in a certain area, and nurturing the talent properly will lead to success.

【Counterargument-treatment】Of course, to win a competition, hard work is necessary, but when two people make the same amount of effort, the more talented one will win.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】 Rather than sanctifying diligence, we had better know ourselves and try to make the best of given conditions for a better and happier life.

【導入＝概要】私の意見では遺伝的要因が成功においては最も重要だ。

【要点 1】成功者はどんな社会においても全ての階層において現れる。

【要点2】各自がある分野の才能を持って生まれておりその才能を適切に育む

ことが成功につながる。

【反論処理】もちろん競争に勝つために勤勉は必要だが二人が同じ努力をした場合才能がより多くある方が勝つ。

【結論＝まとめ】 より良くより幸福な人生のために、勤勉を神聖視するよりむしろ自分を知って与えられた条件から最善のものを得ようとした方が良い。

 

Sample 2

【Introduction = Outline】The question of “nature or nurture” in terms of success is an age-old inquiry. Personally, I think hard work plays a larger role in success than innate ability.

【Point 1】 The tale of the rabbit and the turtle teaches us that a hard worker can beat a talented opponent in the end.

【Point 2】Gifted people do not seem to make efforts, but actually they do. They just enjoy hard work and often do not realize that they might be working twice as much as the others.

【Counterargument-treatment】In sports and art, innate quality counts a lot, but no person with inherent ability can be successful without working hard.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】 I believe industriousness is more important for success than heredity.

【導入＝概要】成功における「生まれか育ちか」の問いは昔からある問だ。個人的には、生得の能力よりも勤勉が成功においてより大きな役割を果たすと思う。

【要点1】ウサギと亀の物語は勤勉なものが最後には才能ある対戦相手を倒すということを私たちに教える。

【要点2】才能のある人は努力していないように思えるが実際にはしている。彼らは単に勤勉を楽しみ他人の2倍働いているかもしれないことに気付かないことがよくある。

【反論処理】スポーツや芸術においては生得の資質が大いに重要だ。しかし生まれつき能力のある人で努力しないで成功できる人はいない。

【結論＝まとめ】遺伝よりも勤勉さの方が成功にとってより重要だと信じる。

 

 

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

単語メモ： 成功する achieve success   succeed in ～   be successful

生まれつきの才能  talent   natural ability  innate ability  inherent ability  ability that one is born with

勤勉 hard work（名詞句） working hard（動名詞句） diligence  industriousness

Cf. work hardly ほとんど勉強しない

 

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development 段落展開例

A.

【Main Idea】That fact that successful people appear in all social classes in any kind of society seems to show that talent is more decisive in success than habit of making efforts.

【Supporting Details】It is well-known that people born in rich families are usually well-disciplined and hard-working. If you are born in a poor family, you do not even think that making efforts will give you a chance to be successful. They believe that they are not in the game. Thus, the rich are more likely to be successful than the poor in general. It is very hard to break this rule. Nevertheless, there are people who make it. Their phenomenal power leads them to success, surpassing all the hard-working but less talented people. Also, poor people tend to be more successful in the area where talent is necessary such as sports and art than in the area where long-term dedicated efforts are required such as academic studies. In the former, genius can overcome the delayed start of making efforts while in the latter, it is hard for talent to overcome the handicap of late start of making efforts, which is a social factor.

【Conclusion】In the absence of the social factor, talent would always beat efforts in success.  

【主張】成功者はどんな社会においても全ての階層において現れるという事実は、努力する習慣よりも才能の方が成功において決定的だということを示しているように思える。

【詳細】お金持ちの家庭に生まれた人は通常規律が良く勤勉であることはよく知られている。貧しい家庭に生まれると努力が成功の機会を与えると思いさえしない。自分たちは成功の可能性はないのだと信じている。従って一般的にお金持ちの方が貧しい人より成功しがちだ。この法則を打ち負かすのはとても難しい。にもかかわらずやってのける人たちがいる。彼らの驚異的な力が全ての勤勉だが才能で劣る人を追い越して彼らを成功に導くのだ。また、貧しい人はスポーツや芸術のような才能が必要な分野での方が学問研究の様な長期にわたる献身的努力が要求される分野でよりもより成功する傾向がある。前者では天才が努力の開始の遅れを克服することが可能だが後者では才能が努力開始の遅れと言うハンディキャップを克服するのが困難であり、これは社会的要因だ。

【結論】社会的要因がなければ、成功において常に才能は努力を負かすだろう。

 

B.

【Main Idea】There are more elements that can be improved by efforts in achieving success than those determined by nature.

【Supporting Details】For example, actors have to have ability to attract people. This is mostly what they are born with. However, they also have to be able to speak clearly, act properly, and control themselves well to succeed. They also need to have general knowledge, especially that related to psychology and culture. These are what they learn by everyday practice. Only those who are able to do all of them can be professional actors. The same can be said in other areas, too.

【Conclusion】Success results from many factors, and talent is only one of these factors.

【主張】成功を果たす時に、生まれつきによって決定される要素よりも努力によって改善できる要素の方が多い。

【詳細】例えば、俳優は人を引き付ける能力がなくてはならない。これは主に生まれつきだ。しかしまた活舌をよくし適切に演じうまく自制ができなくてはならない。一般常識、特に心理学や文化関連の常識も必要だ。これらは日々の実践により学習することだ。これら全てができる人だけがプロの俳優になることができる。同じことは他の分野にも言える。

【結論】成功は多くの要因の結果であり、才能はこれらの要因のひとつにすぎない。

(I took the core idea used in the last sample from an essay written by one of my former students. 最後の例の中心となるアイディアは過去の生徒さんのエッセイから取りました、)

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing A small private room or a larger room that you would share with a roommate? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

Imagine that you have decided to attend college and to live in the college dormitories, and you have a choice of a small private room or a larger room that you would share with a roommate. Which would you choose, and why? Give specific reasons for your choice.

 

 

☆Let’s Think

Let’s make sure the choices you have: a SMALL, PRIVATE room or a LARGER room with A roommate, and let’s picture them what they would be like …

Photos two types of dorm rooms

Now let’s think of the advantages and disadvantages of each choice.

1)     What are the good points of a small private dorm room?

2)     Are there any bad points in living in a single dorm room? Are there any solutions to them?

3)     What are the good points of a larger dorm room that you would share with a roommate?

4)     Are there any bad points of having a roommate? Are there any solutions to them?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

◍ Good points of a small private dorm room

You can concentrate on your study well.

You can use time and space on your own.

You do not have to care about your roommate’s feelings.

 

◍ Bad points in living in a single dorm room and the solutions to them

You might feel lonely. ⇔ You can visit other rooms or go out to meet people when you feel lonely.

You might become lazy living all alone. ⇔ Learning self-discipline is part of college life.

 

◍ Good points of a larger dorm room with a roommate

You can use or do things together.

You can talk about daily matters or share information.

It would be safer to have someone living close to you than to live alone.

If you are lucky, you would find a lifetime friend.

 

◍ Bad points about having a roommate and the solutions to them

You might not be able to concentrate on your study. ⇔You could go to the library when you want to cram or do research.

You might hit a jack-pot and get a troublemaker as your roommate. ⇔ It could be a good experience in the long run. You could learn to be patient and learn a high-level of social skills. If things get out of your hand, you could always ask for an intervention from your dorm office.

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】Both a small private room and a large room with a roommate have advantages and disadvantages, but I would choose a large dorm room with a roommate.

【Single Room】A small private room would make me feel as if I were at home, in my bedroom. Everything is within my reach under my control, and I can work and daydream freely.

【Shared Room】Room-sharing saves money. If lucky, I can make friends with the roommate. Even if we are not compatible, it will be a good experience to live with someone of your age away from home.

【Your Choice】College life is not only for studies but also for experiences. Therefore, I would like to share a room with someone.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】Although the coziness of a small private room is attractive, I would prefer a large dormitory room with a roommate to make my college life richer.

 

 

Your Sample Body Structure

Use one of the following the patterns if you like.

Pattern 1

【Single Room】

【Shared Room】

【Your Choice】

 

Pattern 2

【Merit 1】

【Merit 2】

【Disadvantages & Solutions】

 

Blank Form

【                     】

【                     】

【                     】

 

 

☆Sample Reasoning

I would choose a small single room because you can use time and space on your own in a single room. I have a lot of habits that I am sure would drive my roommate to her breaking point. For example, I study after midnight. Since I cannot change this habit, my roommate would have difficulty in sleeping because of the light and noises I would make if she is a day person. It is true that you might sometimes feel lonely to be in a single room, but you could go out to see people anytime. Also, that loneliness may occur even when you have a companion. To feel that you are really not alone, something like a strong interest which you can share with others is necessary, and you cannot necessarily share it with your roommate. In terms of friendships, you can find them anywhere, in class, at the cafeteria, in your club, and in other dorm rooms. Based on the same logic, I do not care about the sizes of the rooms. I could go out any time when I get suffocated with the cell-like dorm room. To secure some personal time and space, I would choose a small private room.

 

Your Sample Reasoning

I would choose a small single room / a larger room with a roommate because …

 

For example,

 

 

It is true that …                             

but …

 

 

☆Speech Time and Full Essay Writing

Make a one-minute speech on this writing topic, and then write a full essay on the same topic.