TOEFL iBT, Independent Writing, Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea for high school students to have part-time jobs in addition to their studies? - rewrite -

Writing Topic

Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea for high school students to have part-time jobs in addition to their studies? Explain your opinion on this question offering specific reasons and examples.

☆Let’s think

This question has a condition at the end, “in addition to their studies”. This excludes the case of working at the expense of studies. The question takes it for granted that students’ main job is studying, and asks if it is a good thing to work for money in their free time.

Survey

Questions	Your Response	Classmate A’s Response	Classmate B’s Response
What are the merits of high school students having a part-time job?
What are the demerits of high school students having a part-time job?
Are there any opposing ideas against the ideas above?

☆Hints for points

Advantages

By working part-time, you can ...

1.    learn what it is like to work for money.

2.    see what it is like to work in society.

3.    learn to work as part of a team.

4.    meet many kinds of people.

5.    have an opportunity to think about your future .

Counter-argument Treatment

1.    You can work after graduation or during your college years. ⇔ Without any knowledge of the real world, it is difficult to have a clear picture of your future, and the range of your future career choice is decided when you graduate or decide which department of a university you will apply for.

卒業後か大学在学中に働ける。⇔実社会の知識がないと将来の明確な展望を持つのは難しいし、卒業時もしくは志望大学の学部選択時に将来の職業選択範囲は限られてしまう。

2.    Even though it is part-time, a job is a job. Being a student might not often be an excuse to do it half way for the sake of, say, midterm exam. ⇔ Time management can be another skill that working part-time might help students (to) acquire.

アルバイトでも仕事は仕事だ。学生であることは例えば中間テストのために中途半端な仕事をする言い訳にはあまりならないかもしれない。⇔ 時間管理は学生が獲得するのを助けるかもしれないもう一つの技術に成り得る。

Disadvantages

Having a part-time job will …

1.    deprive you of time for other things that you can go through only when you are in high school such as extracurricular club activities, conventions for high school students, volunteering, and making friends with the students of your high school.

2.    make you fail to juggle work and studies.

3.    lead you to fall behind the competition in this academic-background-oriented society.

Counter-argument Treatment 反論処理

1.    Working for money, especially doing some manual labor, is one of the important experiences that a high school student should have to decide what they want to do after graduation. ⇔ Experiencing part-time jobs is not necessary in deciding your future career. You can tell what it is like to do manual labor through daily chores. Moreover, career option depends on other factors such as aptitude and interest.

お金のために働くこと、特に肉体労働は卒業後したいことを決めるために高校生がすべき重要な経験のひとつだ。⇔ 将来の職業を決める時にアルバイトの経験は不要だ。肉体労働がどのようなものかは日々の雑務を通して分かる。更に、進路選択は適性や興味のような他の要因による。

2.    High school students are half adults. Staying away from the real world will make them out of touch. ⇔ With media reports and power of imagination, students can know about the real world.

高校生は半分大人だ。実社会から離れていると現実離れしてしまう。⇔ マスコミの報道と想像力で学生は実社会について知り得る

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Main Idea=Outline】 I think it is a good idea for high school students to work part-time as part of their experience to grow up mentally and to learn about society.

【Reason 1】 Working for money as a member of a team with many kinds of people will make them emotionally mature and help them acquire work ethic.

【Reason 2】 In addition, they can see how society is ticking by actually participating in it.

【Counter-argument Treatment】It is true that students can interact with society by doing other activities outside of school such as volunteering, but working part-time effectively facilitates to have real experience of working as a wage-earner at the bottom of a hierarchy and to become a sympathetic adult.

【Conclusion=Wrap-up】Part-time job is an experience that a high school student should have to be a good citizen.

【主張＝概略】精神的に成長し社会について学ぶために経験の一部として高校生がアルバイトをするのは良いことだと思う。

【理由 1】いろいろな人とチームの一員としてお金のために働くと情緒面で成長し労働倫理を獲得する。

【理由 2】加えて、実際に参加することによって実際の社会の仕組みが分かる。

【反論処理】確かにボランティア活動のような学外活動をすることによって社会と交流することはできるが、アルバイトは階層社会の底辺で賃金労働者として働く実体験をし、情の深い大人になるのを効果的に助ける。

【結論＝まとめ】アルバイトは良い市民になるために高校生がするべき経験だ。                   

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Main Idea=Outline】

【Reason 1】

【Reason 2】

【Counter-argument Treatment】

【Conclusion=Wrap-up】

☆Sample Counterargument Treatment

【Counterargument】There might be an opinion that extracurricular activities such as volunteering are in place for social interaction and that part-time job is unnecessary for their education.

【Confirmation of your idea】However, working part-time effectively facilitates students to become sympathetic adults through real experience of working as a wage-earner at the bottom of the hierarchy.

【Detail】Social activities that school promotes are done by students staying in the status as a high school student and this makes it hard to acquire a different perspective. Volunteering students are regarded as good children and appreciated for doing some job. On the other hand, part-timers are often looked down upon and ill-treated in doing their jobs.

【Example】For example, a popular part-time job, waiting, is not free from harassment, and they may learn that people tend to be hard on those who are in the weaker position. The person with the experience will feel sympathy with waiters and waitresses and cannot be obnoxious to those in those kinds of trade in the future.

【Wrap-up】Doing a part-time job is necessary to promote students’ personal growth, and it should be done during high school years, when they are most sensitive.

【反論】ボランティア活動の様な課外活動が社会との交流用にあるのでアルバイトは教育に不要だという意見があるかもしれない。

【自説の確認】しかしアルバイトは階層社会の底辺で賃金労働者として働く実体験を通して情の深い大人になるのを効果的に助ける。

【詳細】学校が促進する社会活動は高校生としての身分にとどまっている学生によってなされ、このために異なった視点を獲得しにくくなる。ボランティアをする学生は良い子たちだとみなされ仕事をしたことで感謝される。一方アルバイトはしばしば見下され仕事をする時に酷い目にあわされる。

【例】例えば、人気のあるアルバイトである給仕は嫌がらせがなくはなく、人は弱い立場の者に厳しい傾向があるということを学ぶかもしれない。その経験のある人はウェイターやウェイトレスと気持ちを同じくし、将来その種の職業の人に嫌な感じにすることはできない。

【まとめ】アルバイトは人間的成長を促すために必要だ。そして学生たちが最も感受性が強い高校時代になされるべきだ。

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Counterargument】

【Confirmation of your idea】

【Detail / Example】

【Wrap-up】