TOEFL, iBT, Independent Writing, Parents and communities should play an active role in improving the quality of education. -rewrite-

Writing Topic

Consider the following statement. Parents and communities should play an active role in improving the quality of education. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Support your response by including specific reasons and examples.

☆Hints for points

Agree:

1.    Parents and communities are the most serious about providing quality education to their children. Those who are closest to the children are the most motivated in nurturing them and have great power in improving education. 

e.g. Education expenses account for approximately 40% of the household economy in Japan.

2.    People in the community, rather than the government, often know precisely what should be taught at school, so their voices should be reflected more in education.

e.g. About 100 years ago, in Taisho era, merchants of Osaka keenly felt the need of language abilities in foreign trading and financed the establishment of a language school for young merchants, which was nationalized by the government after WWII.

3.    Mind development will be accelerated by the help of the community.

e.g. Katsushika-ward, an old residential area in Tokyo, has started a learning support system by community volunteers and has improved performances of children at school.

Disagree:

1.    Leaving education to professionals is the best policy. The governments have the departments of education to decide what should be taught and train qualified professionals such as teachers and counsellors to provide a good education above a certain level. Tax money is used for the purpose and thus we should express our opinions about education as voters.

2.    Parents’ love can sometimes be the obstacle to effective education.

e.g. So-called monster parents often become too eager to provide the best to their children and claim the most trivial matters, ending up hampering, much less promoting, improvements.

☆Essay Structure

A sample following the structure above

【Introduction = Outline】Apart from the case of private schools, it is important that parents and community play an active role in improving the quality of education.

【Point 1】People in the community often know what precisely should be taught at school.

【Point 2】Mind development will be accelerated by the help of the community.

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】It is true that too many cooks can spoil the broth as the saying goes, but it is the golden rule of all social animals that youngsters are to be supported by the adults that happen to be around them. Since education is the core of raising children, it is rather a duty for all adults in the community to be active for better education of the children.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】Not only children but the whole community will benefit from active participation of adults of the community.

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Paragraph development

A paragraph of the body of an essay often develops its main idea as follows:

【Main Idea】Mind development will be accelerated by the help of the community.

【Explanation】Cognition and awareness of children will be stimulated by the active involvement of many adults in the community in education.

【Detail / Example】For example, the community can not only express opinions to improve education but also support education after school, providing things crucial to mind development.

【More Specific Detail / Example】Parents or volunteering instructors can show children how important it is to work hard on something or how much they love them, or they can tell them community history or wise ways of seeing things that are not taught in class.

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】Of course school curriculum targets mind development with regard to the children’s ages, but the good old way of nurturing the young, the interaction between the adults and children in the community, compensates for it.

【Conclusion】 Children will be encouraged to be mature enough to positively educate themselves if they are taken care of by many more caring people around them.

Your test paragraph development

Now let’s practice paragraph development. Choose one of the reasons in the body of your essay structure, make it the main idea, and develop it using the following form, if you like.

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Detail / Example in general】

【More Specific Detail / Example】

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

【Conclusion】