TOEFL iBT, Independent Writing, Suppose your country has an unexpected amount of money that can be spent on either the military or your country’s Olympic athletes. Which should your country spend money on, the military or Olympic sports? /Many children like, and participate in, individual sports such as tennis, golf and swimming. Do you think it is better than doing team sports? -partly rewritten-

Writing Topic A: Suppose your country has an unexpected amount of money that can be spent on either the military or your country’s Olympic athletes. Which should your country spend money on, the military or Olympic sports?

 

☆Let’s think

♦ “military or Olympics?”

1.    fight in arms race or fight in sports?  war or peace?

2.    let the money flow into the military industrial complex (American arms industry, Japanese heavy industry, businesses that cater to the Self-Defense Force and American bases) or Olympics-related industries (construction, sports, food and drink, etc.)

 

 

♦ “your country” → specific conditions of my country can be considered

    specific conditions of Japan in terms of military/war

1.    Article Nine in our constitution: renunciation of war and military force

2.    history of violent past: imperial Japan before and during WWII: bad impression to other countries, especially countries that Japanese military invaded.

3.    history of diplomatic solutions of international problems after WWII

4.    one of the biggest economies in the world, and the world is shifting from arms competition to business cooperation

5.    the threat of neighboring countries (e.g. North Korea, emerging economies in Asia)

⇔ counterargument: Japan-U.S. relationship does not seem to change soon (Japanese prime ministers and U.S. presidents reaffirming Japan-U.S. security relationship) Also, even if there are some militaristic concerns of other countries, the Self-Defense Force has been equipped and trained enough to protect the citizens.

6.    request from powers: The Unites States and other big countries request Japanese militaristic participation in their activities to keep the world quiet such as fight against terrorism or protection of commercial ships against pirates.

⇔ counterargument: SDF activity is limited to peaceful operations under Article Nine. Also, violence occur where there are the extremely oppressed. Joining the militaristic activity is oppressing the oppressed. Moreover, being armed with more than decent amount is the appeal to those who want to start a battle with us.

7.    Military is now necessary for humanitarian aids to disaster stricken areas. As long as it is used for peaceful purposes, providing extra money to the military is good.

8.    tight government spending on sports because of huge national debts and long lasting recession and widening the gap between the rich and poor

9.    economic effect: 1) money trickle down from big businesses to small businesses (counterargument: in reality, money does not trickle down and only related industries make money ⇔ in the long run, money will trickle down although it takes several years for people to feel the effect)

10.  increase of good images (soft power) provided by supporting Olympic sports

 

 

 

♦Reference:

              Excerpt from An Appeal from the “Article Nine Association”

 

   Through the use of weapons reaching the cruelty of the atomic bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Second World War claimed over fifty million lives. As a result, the citizens of the world learned the lesson that resorting to force should never be an option, even for the purpose of resolving international disputes.
  Bearing an enormous responsibility for having continuously pursued a war of invasion, Japan decided to work towards realizing this global vision, and thus established a constitution including Article Nine which stipulated the renunciation of war and of military force.

…The use of force only results in robbing a country and its people of their livelihood and of their happiness. Since the 1990s, armed interventions by major nations into regional conflicts have also failed to result in effective resolutions. That is why, in such places as Europe and Southeast Asia, efforts are being strengthened to create regional frameworks that can help to resolve conflicts through diplomacy and dialogue.

…
  Based on Article Nine, Japan needs to develop ties of friendship and cooperation with the peoples of Asia and other regions, and change a diplomatic stance that only prioritizes a military alliance with the United States. Japan must play an active role in the tide of world history by exercising its autonomy and acting in a pragmatic manner. It is precisely because of Article Nine that Japan can engage its partner nations in peaceful diplomacy while respecting their various positions, and collaborate with them in the fields of economy, culture, science and technology.

 

ヒロシマ・ナガサキの原爆にいたる残虐な兵器によって、五千万を越える人命を奪った第二次世界大戦。この戦争から、世界の市民は、国際紛争の解決のためであっても、武力を使うことを選択肢にすべきではないという教訓を導きだしました。/ 侵略戦争をしつづけることで、この戦争に多大な責任を負った日本は、戦争放棄と戦力を持たないことを規定した九条を含む憲法を制定し、こうした世界の市民の意思を実現しようと決心しました。/ …なにより武力の行使は、その国と地域の民衆の生活と幸福を奪うことでしかありません。一九九〇年代以降の地域紛争への大国による軍事介入も、紛争の有効な解決にはつながりませんでした。だからこそ、東南アジアやヨーロッパ等では、紛争を、外交と話し合いによって解決するための、地域的枠組みを作る努力が強められています。/ … / 憲法九条に基づき、アジアをはじめとする諸国民との友好と協力関係を発展させ、アメリカとの軍事同盟だけを優先する外交を転換し、世界の歴史の流れに、自主性を発揮して現実的にかかわっていくことが求められています。憲法九条をもつこの国だからこそ、相手国の立場を尊重した、平和的外交と、経済、文化、科学技術などの面からの協力ができるのです。 (「九条の会」アピール一部抜粋)

 

             

 

☆Essay Structure

♦Sample Essay Structure in the case that you have two or three reasons to support your argument

【Introduction = Outline】　主張と理由の概要

Given two choices, spending extra money on either the military or the Olympics, I would choose the Olympics.

【Point 1】理由1の詳細

Spending extra money sends an important message to the public and the world.

【Point 2】理由2の詳細

The world is shifting towards business corporations.

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】理由3の詳細または反論の処理

It is true that threat of being attacked exists, but the threat of rouge activity will never free us as there are many kinds of people and countries on this planet, and after all, we live in the world where thousands of nuclear weapons are in place targeting spots on the other sides of the oceans at this moment. Some insane attack on us might be as either likely or unlikely as some lapse of the controllers of those arms are .

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】結論

Instead of spending money for fear, I would like to spend it on an activity that can create hope in some people.

 

 

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

 

【Point 1】

 

 

【Point 2】

 

 

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

 

 

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

 

 

 

 

☆Paragraph development

A paragraph of the body of an essay often develops its main idea as follows:

【Main Idea】Spending extra money sends an important message to the public and the world.

【Explanation】 Our country, though not wealthy as before, is a developed country and have no budgetary want, and usage of some unexpected large amount of money shows exactly what the government is interested in to the people in and out of this country.

【Detail / Example】 Whether allocating extra money on military or Olympics can be taken as the sign of warlike or pacifistic.

【More Specific Detail / Example】A purchase of a military ship shows our strong interest in defense and probably wars, and promoting Olympics with some extra money sends a message that we are more interested in sports than battles.

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】 Olympic is not free from criticisms, but it is within the sphere of who benefits the most while military spending always reminds wars and deaths.

【Conclusion】A windfall should be used for some thing or activity that is less controversial

 

Your test paragraph development

Now let’s practice paragraph development. Choose one of the reasons you have come up with, make it the main idea, and develop it using the following form. As this is a tentative part of your real essay, use simple words and sentences for supporting details and focus on the logic and ideas.

 

【Main Idea】

 

 

【Explanation】

 

 

 

【Detail / Example in general】

 

 

 

【More Specific Detail / Example】

 

 

 

 

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

 

 

 

 

【Conclusion】

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Writing Topic B: Many children like, and participate in, individual sports such as tennis, golf and swimming. Do you think it is better than doing team sports?

 

☆Sample of a thought process

If you disagree with the statement that A is better than B, you prove either B is better than A or B is as good as A.

 

♦What are good points in each type of sports?

team sports: enjoyed with other people, teamwork, close relationship with teammates  

individual sports: enjoyed alone (flexibility in exercise time and place), self-control, concentration 

 

Wait a minute! Most of their good points overlap or can be found in other activities. Also, individual aptitude and personal preference count in sports.

 

♦Conclusion: Playing team sports is as good as playing individual sports because the good points of both types of sports overlap. Regardless of types, for a child to play a sport is good as long as the child can enjoy it and grow up mentally and physically through it. 

 

 

☆Essay Structure

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】 主張と理由の概要

 

【Point 1】 理由1の詳細

 

 

【Point 2】 理由2の詳細

 

 

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】 理由3の詳細または反論の処理

 

 

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】 結論