2019年1月7日月曜日

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 5 Revision

 Difference between revision and editing
"What's the difference? Revision refers to substantial changing of a text, for example, re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, rewriting a conclusion for clarity, and so forth. Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and so on."


REVISION CHECKLIST Ask the following questions of your essay as you revise your draft:  Is your title interesting and descriptive of your contents? 
 Will your opening sentence attract the reader’s attention? If not, how can you improve it?  Will your readers learn something interesting from your essay? 
 Have you organized your essay in logically? 
 Do you support your main idea with examples? 
 Does all the writing relate to your main idea? Look for unnecessary information and edit it out. 
 Do you use effective transitions to connect your details and examples so that your readers can follow your writing? 
 Does the conclusion bring your essay to a satisfying close? Does it leave the reader something to think about? 
 Did you choose your tone and diction carefully? Did you check for accurate use of vocabulary? 
 Do you use a variety of sentence structures and length in order to make your writing interesting? 
 Have you checked your punctuation? 
 Have you checked your grammar, especially subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and proper noun plurals? 
 How happy are you with your essay? Do you think readers will enjoy reading it?



Read Backwards

This is a common technique used by writers: read your paper backwards.

We often become "blind" to our own mistakes, seeing the correct word or grammar on the page when it really isn't there. In order to break this pattern you can read your writing backwards, phrase by phrase, or word by word. This will help you see your text in a new way.



Editing techniques I like

discussion posted 19 days ago by NorikoSasaki
I usually upload my writing to my blog and proofread it. Reading what I've written on a web page makes me alert about mistakes. Printing out the text is good for a person with aged eyes like me to find punctuation errors. I tried backwards-reading for the first time. I liked it. While I was doing this, I noticed spelling mistakes and an inappropriate usage of a preposition. The technique to check the logical order was new to me and it was also useful. It helped me have a fresh look at one body paragraph of my final project. Oh, and I've learned to turn on the free grammar & spelling checker in this course!
Related to: Week 5 / Your ideas
This post is visible to everyone.
5 responses
  1. Nsept7
    7 days ago
    A good practice, I might test it.
    1. Great one.
      posted 6 days ago by gobizen7e38
    2. Thank you for your response, Nsept7, and thank you for your compliment, gobizen7e38. I learned all the ideas I wrote above in this course except for the first one. This course was informative, and peer comments helped me a lot. Their corrections improved me. Good comments were heart-warming. I was encouraged by them a lot. I thank both types of comments and I must thank edX and Moocs.
      posted 3 days ago by NorikoSasaki

2019年1月5日土曜日

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing、A business research center or an agricultural research center? - rewrite -

Writing Topic
Imagine a university is planning to build a new research center in your country, but it has not been decided whether to create a center for business research or agricultural (faeming) research. Which of the two sorts of research centers would you prefer to be built in your country?


☆Let’s Think
1.      How would a business research center benefit the country? What about an agricultural research center?
2.      In which area does Japan need to research more? Why?

☆Ideas and Expressions
Business
1.    Japan has been one of the biggest economies in the world for a long time, but now many manufacturers of other countries outshine ours. We are not good at marketing very much. Market research on specific demands of each country, for instance, will help diversify our exports and stabilize export earnings.

2.    With enough wealth and technology to help reduce the damage of global warming and environmental destruction, developed countries are expected to shift to a sustainable economy, or environmentally friendly economy. We need to do more research on related areas such as eco-friendly technology businesses.

3.    The low food self-sufficiency (40%) is not necessarily dangerous in the global economy, where manufacturers import food from food producers. Also, Japan has already been heavily industrialized and adding just another agricultural research center cannot change its economic structure. Moreover, the level of our agricultural research is very high. People come from all over the world to learn from our agriculture and we send experts to countries suffering from food shortage to help develop their farming.

Agriculture
1.    Japanese agriculture is at crises in general. The age-old problems of Japanese agriculture are very little farmland (90% of the land is mountains and forests), decreasing numbers of farmers and farmhouses, aging, and weakening functions of farming societies caused by industrialization especially after WWII. In addition, traditional sustainable agriculture has been destroyed by the introduction of factory style farming, or single crop farming. This trend will accelerate because restrictions on agribusiness have been lifted and Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) will slash or abolish tariffs on agricultural imports. It is necessary to transform our agriculture into one which prioritizes production of export crops, crops that have enough demands in the global market. Research and development on Japanese crops and potential markets for them should be put forth right now.

2.    Research on our low self-sufficiency (40 %) is necessary. The self-sufficiency of our staple food, rice, is 100% while most of the feed grains for meat production such as wheat and corn are imported. Since these crops will be in great demand for bio-fuel, research on more self-sufficient protein production is necessary. In addition, the decreasing number of farmhouses is causing concern about food shortage in case of emergency. It is true that the problem of low self-sufficiency is the problem of business and politics because deflation is making people give up farming and the government is prioritizing business and globalization over agriculture. However, approaches to improve the situation by those who are directly involved in farming would be effective and innovative.

3.    We have not eliminated deaths from starvation in poor countries. Also, population increase, global warming, and pollution can cause food crises in the near future. Developed countries are required to make more contribution to research on food security such as irrigation, plants more resistant to climate change, or genetically modified crops. Japan can live up to this expectation by continuing to offer our high-level agricultural techniques and technologies. For example, plant factory, which was invented and developed in Japan, can produce edible plants without soil all through the year. We can not only sell their produce but also export the technology. Also, biomass-energy, an alternative energy resource receiving particular attention, is our specialty.

☆Essay for ideas and expressions
Just a few years ago, the terms green or fair trade meant nothing more than opportunities for corporate image improvement to most huge corporations and never meant calls for total restructuring of the economic system, or more precisely so they pretended to interpret them. They had succeeded in propaganda to make people believe that things were going all right. However, climate change has started biting and corruption in business has become blatant, even the people in developed countries are now having difficulty in making ends meet, and the mass protests across the globe do not go unnoticed anymore. Studies for new economic systems are essential to tackle fundamental problems of our times. Therefore, I would prefer a business research center to be built if a university is planning to build a new research center in my country, Japan.

Research on alternative economic systems is crucial. It is now clear that capitalism or free market system is harmful to everyone including those who have enjoyed its benefits. It has exploited the resources and people in developing countries. It has widened the gap between the rich and the poor. It has also destroyed the environment, whose deterioration now threatens life on earth. Ideas for more natural and humane economic activities, which ordinary people as well as conscientious intellectuals have conceived probably since the onset of industrialization, should be crystallized. One of the examples of such effort is a system called employee ownership or democratization of corporations. Democratized companies will reflect public consensus and make more sensible decisions. They will encourage governments to promote real fair trade: fair transactions not just between companies but between countries. They would certainly stop exporting too many businesses. Also, they will support sustainable economy, since public awareness on the environmental issues is high. For instance, 70% of US citizens support green energy.

In the torrent of globalization, Japan is at the crossroads. Joining Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) will lead it to totally American type economy, which has just proved to be a failure in terms of the welfare of all people. Obviously the disadvantaged, who are already suffering, will suffer more. Also, even if Japan survives, taking advantage of its position as a developed country, the problem of morality will remain, for free trade works at the expense of the weaker. It is inevitable for those in developed countries to put more pressure on those in developing countries. Moreover, it has become clear that the corruption of the domestic economic system has already passed the point of meltdown. The misconduct in relation to the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant symbolizes that Japan has not been so much a protective economy as it has been believed. Japanese people were made to accept nuclear power plants through sophisticated advertisements of Japanese mass media backed up by the US energy industry and US and Japanese governments. The industry neglected design upgrade of the reactor despite repeated warnings. After the disaster, the electric company and the government did not disclose crucial information, and the government did not take enough measures to protect the residents in the area, as well as everyone in the eastern part of Japan. The irresponsible economic leaders teaming up with political leaders could make the last 50 years of Japanese prosperity, where most people, rich or poor, enjoyed fundamental human rights and basic happiness of life, just a transient good moment of its history.

It might be true that competition promotes evolution of technology and systems, but the current system does not have a safety net strong enough to protect those who have lost in competition and those who are disadvantaged. Governments are manipulated by lobbyists from large corporations, so that channeling money to rescue the weak becomes increasingly harder. Also, the stock market, a world-scale casino for the rich, does not have a structure to give it decency to clean up its own mess. When crises occur, public money is used to make up for the loss and the return is not sufficient when those rescued start gaining profits again. Unemployment rates did not go down much for a long time despite record profits of the companies bailed out in the last financial meltdown. This system keeps siphoning a large amount of money from the poor to the rich.

Universities should suggest plans for rapid and less painful shift to the new economic system to build a society that protects life and the environment. For the purpose, I would like a new business research center to be built by a university.
                       

2019年1月4日金曜日

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 5 My Final Project and Self-assessment

Reasons for worrying about coming to work in Japan
On December the 25th, 2018, what those interested in working in Japan would take as a big Christmas present was made. A legal reform made that day allows foreign blue-color workers up to a 5-year stay plus permanent residency under certain conditions. However, there are reasons to be skeptical. Japan has depended on foreigners for low-paying labor without giving them decent life and status, much less citizenship, for decades. The plight of foreign workers does not seem to disappear despite the reform because the problem is not so much in the law as in the attitude.
The Japanese government has rejected immigrants and foreign workers except for political refugees and elite white-collar workers until now. Meanwhile, the working population has shrunk because of low birth rates and aging. To avoid going bankrupt due to labor shortage, companies have exploited the technical intern training program, a part of development aid, according to Tomohiko Nakamura, Professor of Economics, Kobe International University. Foreign technical interns are used for manual labor.
Now, about 1,280,000 foreigners work in Japan (the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications, 2017), accounting for 1.9% of the workforce. Most of them are technical interns, who owe 10,000 to 15,000 dollars to work-abroad brokers for expenses to come to Japan. There are plenty of reports that they are forced to work overtime under poor conditions for low wages. More foreigners die at work than Japanese do. Almost 26,000 trainees have disappeared over the last 5 years and there are even suicides. Some call this situation slavery, Dr. Nakamura states. In this context, this law change was made. It was long overdue and was made probably to prevent foreign labor from flowing to other countries, so you cannot be too careful in taking advantage of it.
First of all, there is little preparation. The government does not have a full-fledged immigration plan even though it has veered towards multi-ethnicity by this revision and the reality precedes the awareness of the public. For example, families are not allowed to accompany foreign workers, which is in itself inhumane, but regulations cannot stop people from having families anyway. Children of foreign descent have multiplied over the past decade and now there are approximately 70,000 foreign-registered children, speaking various languages (the Education Ministry, 2016). According to Iki Tanaka, Commissioner of an NPO for foreign children, one out of four public school children that need language support cannot receive it. To make matters worse, this small island country is xenophobic and nationalistic. There is a long history of discrimination against Chinese and Korean residents. Prejudice against black people is strong. It is questionable whether indigenous Japanese will welcome the increasing number of foreigners from the bottom of their heart.
In addition, bullying is part of the structure of this country. Japan may be known as a civil country. It is partly true. The crime rate is low. The public is polite. However, the peaceful surface hides the undercurrent of stress, which is directed to the vulnerable. Foreign workers from developing countries who are on debt easily become scapegoats. Even though there are stipulations on fundamental rights for foreign workers, many employers abuse foreign employees. There are reports on violence and sexual harassment to foreigners. Even under the new law, possibility of extrajudicial mistreatment of foreign workers will remain.
Another bad news is mechanization. Blue-color workers are being replaced by robots and AI. An enterprise survey conducted by Reuters in 2018 shows that more than 60% of the respondents are negative about hiring unskilled foreign labor. Occupations that are most available for foreigners without skills are ones in the service industry such as waiters or convenience store clerks. Learning the Japanese language and culture may facilitate career change, but few would be able to find a good position because Japanese is a minor language. Thus, spending a few years in Japan as an unskilled worker is no more than a migration for money.
Although foreign workers in Japan will be treated more fairly than before thanks to the law revision, both the government and the public are yet to guarantee foreigners’ rights to pursue happiness. Therefore, those who are still interested in working in Japan may as well wait and see if this country will understand that it is immigrants that gift a country a lot by rejuvenating the society and evolving the culture.

Self-assessment
I think my essay is at least not irritating to assess. The title of my essay "Reasons for worrying about coming to work in Japan" is descriptive of my content and interesting. It is self-explanatory and humorous, in that the writer uses a negative tone about her own country. My opening sentence is interesting enough to attract the reader's attention. It refers to a big Christmas present and job opportunities. Neither of them is easy to ignore. My readers will learn from my essay the harsh reality immigrants in Japan face. I organized my essay logically and supported my main idea with specific reasons and examples. I provided sources of data and views I used. Transitions are smooth enough to keep my readers interested. The conclusion is satisfying. It summarizes the content well and gives an insight for an ideal immigration policy. In addition, my last line includes the word "gift", which corresponds with “Christmas present” in the first line. I have used a variety of sentence structures and length to make my writing readable while it is free from wordiness and unnecessary information. The tone is as rightly pessimistic as the content. The diction is not bad. Also, there are few or no errors in my punctuation, grammar, and spelling. All in all, I am happy with my essay. I think my readers will enjoy reading it as the content relates to every-day topics in today’s world such as immigration and mechanization.

2019年1月2日水曜日

Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 5 Editing

 Difference between revision and editing
"What's the difference? Revision refers to substantial changing of a text, for example, re-organizing ideas and paragraphs, providing additional examples or information, rewriting a conclusion for clarity, and so forth. Editing, on the other hand, refers to correcting mistakes in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and so on."


REVISION CHECKLIST Ask the following questions of your essay as you revise your draft:  Is your title interesting and descriptive of your contents? 
 Will your opening sentence attract the reader’s attention? If not, how can you improve it?  Will your readers learn something interesting from your essay? 
 Have you organized your essay in logically? 
 Do you support your main idea with examples? 
 Does all the writing relate to your main idea? Look for unnecessary information and edit it out. 
 Do you use effective transitions to connect your details and examples so that your readers can follow your writing? 
 Does the conclusion bring your essay to a satisfying close? Does it leave the reader something to think about? 
 Did you choose your tone and diction carefully? Did you check for accurate use of vocabulary? 
 Do you use a variety of sentence structures and length in order to make your writing interesting? 
 Have you checked your punctuation? 
 Have you checked your grammar, especially subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and proper noun plurals? 
 How happy are you with your essay? Do you think readers will enjoy reading it?



Read Backwards

This is a common technique used by writers: read your paper backwards.

We often become "blind" to our own mistakes, seeing the correct word or grammar on the page when it really isn't there. In order to break this pattern you can read your writing backwards, phrase by phrase, or word by word. This will help you see your text in a new way.





Editing techniques I like

discussion posted 19 days ago by NorikoSasaki
I usually upload my writing to my blog and proofread it. Reading what I've written on a web page makes me alert about mistakes. Printing out the text is good for a person with aged eyes like me to find punctuation errors. I tried backwards-reading for the first time. I liked it. While I was doing this, I noticed spelling mistakes and an inappropriate usage of a preposition. The technique to check the logical order was new to me and it was also useful. It helped me have a fresh look at one body paragraph of my final project. Oh, and I've learned to turn on the free grammar & spelling checker in this course!
Related to: Week 5 / Your ideas
This post is visible to everyone.
5 responses
  1. Nsept7
    7 days ago
    A good practice, I might test it.
    1. Great one.
      posted 6 days ago by gobizen7e38
    2. Thank you for your responce, Nsept7, and thank you for your compliment, gobizen7e38. I learned all the ideas I wrote above in this course except for the first one. This course was informative, and peer comments helped me a lot. Their corrections improved me. Good comments were heart-warming. I was encouraged by them a lot. I thank both types of comments and I must thank edX and Moocs.
      posted 3 days ago by NorikoSasaki


    Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 Optional Assignment Open Discussion (Pop-up 4): Merits and Demerits of Globalization

    playing devil's advocate

      1. discussion posted 28 days ago by NorikoSasaki
        Globalization is economic imperialism with a nice face such as convenience, novelty, or entertainment. Under the banner of development, it forcefully opens a closed, self-sufficient economic system and makes it buy what it does not need to get what developed countries need. The benefits are spread of good commodities and information while the problems are spread of bad commodities and information, destruction of the traditional economic system and virtues, and environmental destruction. (The ideas and expressions in this writing are mixture of those from mostly "Friendly Fascism", via Michael Moore, and a teaching material on the West opening up Japan in the 19th century, which I was assigned to use in a class a couple of months ago. This comment was added on January 30, 2019)
        Related to: Week 4 / Pop-up 4
        This post is visible to everyone.
        2 responses
        1. AHILL49
          24 days ago
          Well written.
          1. Thank you!
            posted 21 days ago by NorikoSasaki
          2. washington_joaquin
            2 days ago
            You write very well.
            1. Thank you, washington-joaquin. The ideas and expressions in this writing are mixture of those from mostly "Friendly Fascism", via Michael Moore, and a teaching material on the West opening up Japan in the 19th century, which I was assigned to use in a class a couple of months ago.
              posted about 3 hours ago by NorikoSasaki

        2019年1月1日火曜日

        Writing Practice: Moocs Academic and Business Writing Week 4 Journal 4 The strengths and weaknesses in my writing and what I should do to improve my writing

        In your journal this week, write a paragraph about your strengths and weaknesses in writing. What is your plan in going forward? What steps will you take to improve. Post your ideas in the discussion area and read and comment, as always. Mark off what you've completed.



        Although my ideas and vocabulary are not bad in my writing as I have gotten good feedback about them from some peers a couple of times during this course, I have some weaknesses in my writing. The weakest point of my writing is spelling. My spelling test score in this course is low, and I often have to consult with dictionaries while writing. This is partly due to aging because now I am not confident of the spellings that I used to be able to spell without thinking. What I have to do is to write English words as often as I can so that I can stay familiar with the spelling. Also, I should relearn the words whose spellings I have not been confident about by using a vocabulary notebook. Another weakness in my writing is punctuation and grammar. I know the rules and I review a few times, but my writing is never free from mistakes. I also forget to make sure if the grammar-checker is on. I should use the grammar-checker consciously.  Last but not least, I have learned that the tone of my writing tends to be pessimistic. This makes the reader of my essay sad. I will try to choose words more carefully by being conscious about the tone and make it a habit to think more positively.



        My comments to peers
        1. I am a poor speller, too. As you say, I think I also have to examine the spelling of the word carefully. I terms of grammar, my idea is that grammar is the logic of a sentence. Writing a grammatically correct sentence means writing a logically coherent sentence.

        2. Another idea for smooth writing would be to listen to or watch your favorite writer talking. Then your writing will sound like the writer, probably too much. This might be embarrassing, but you will be smoother for sure. Over time, you will be smooth and original.