Writing for Academic Discussion High school uniform

Some people argue that uniforms promote equality and reduce distractions, while others believe that they stifle individuality and self-expression. Given these perspectives, do you think it is better for high school students to have to wear uniforms？

 

 

☆Let’s think

1.      What kind of people wear uniforms?

2.      Why do they wear uniforms, or why are they made to wear uniforms?

3.4.      Which policy do you agree with? Why?

 

☆Hints for Points for Discussion

Uniform policy

1.       Uniforms help equal treatment. The policy is fair for students with financial difficulties.

2.       Uniforms make it clear that school is the place to study.

3.       Uniforms are for monitoring.

4.       Unlike university, high schools should exercise restrictions on some aspects of students’ life.

 

No-uniform policy

1.       To make students wear uniforms violates freedom.

2.       Having students wear uniform is controlling students on school days.

3.       No-uniform policy helps understand and nurture individuality.

4.       By wearing everyday-clothes, high school students can present themselves to others naturally.

 

 

☆Sample Responses

A.

【Thesis】High schools should respect their students’ autonomy and should not force them to wear uniforms.

【Supporting Details】Uniforms are labels. Clothing is an indicator of social status. A uniform is an icon of an occupation or a social status, and a person in a certain uniform is expected to play a certain role and behave accordingly. Military officers, medical personnel, restaurant workers, kindergarten pupils, and inmates are in uniforms, and they are expected to behave as society expects them to. A person wearing a high school uniform, therefore, is expected to behave as a minor and act in a way that matches the image of the school. Like a jar of jam with a label, students in uniforms are judged and treated uniformly. This may discourage students from having self-respect or modesty, and thus it may negatively affect emotional development of the students. They are half-adults who are in the period of life when their world view and identity is challenged and reestablished. The uniform policy limits this transformation by explicitly showing that they are watched and controlled, and this may contribute to making people uncritical and irresponsible.

【Counterargument-treatment】Although there is a practical advantage that school uniforms lessen discrimination based on inequality as Emily points out, this restriction of individuality is unignorable.

【Conclusion】High school students should be treated as an individual with a distinct personality with freedom, independence, and individuality. School has no authority to limit them. (235 words)

 

B.

【Main Idea】Uniform contributes to fairness.

【Supporting Details】This is because uniforms can prevent wealth gap from being revealed. Under the no-uniform policy, rich students will naturally come to school in high-quality, stylish attire, and poor students keep wearing what they can afford for years. This difference can lead to separation, discrimination and even bullying, Students may not show such problems on the surface, but according to a professor, school is a closed space where even the smallest difference can make one ostracized.

【Conclusion】Till they go to university and acquire freedom to escape from belligerence, high school students, especially the vulnerable ones, need to be protected from it by being in the same clothes as others are wearing.

【Counterargument-treatment】The claim of James that uniforms restricts freedom of expression is true, but students can wear whatever they want during their free time. (137 words)

Writing for Academic Discussion Is it acceptable to keep animals in zoos？

Some people argue that zoos play an important role in conservation, education, and research, providing a safe environment for endangered species. Others believe that keeping animals in captivity is inherently cruel, as it deprives them of their natural habitats. Given these perspectives, do you think it is acceptable to keep animals in zoos? Explain your opinion on this question by offering specific reasons and examples.

 

 

☆Read and Think

Material 1: An excerpt from “Zoos Are Not Prisons. They Improve the Lives of Animals.” Time.com

Responsible zoos and aquariums exist to facilitate and promote the conservation of animals. And the need for intensive conservation campaigns is now more urgent than ever before: Our world is currently in the midst of the “Sixth Extinction,” a term coined by Elizabeth Kolbert in her Pulitzer Prize-winning book of the same name. Unlike the five preceding die-offs, which were precipitated by natural events—such as those that killed off the dinosaurs, exterminating three-quarters of all species on the planet—the current mass extinction is a result of human activities encroaching on wild spaces.

Today’s zoos and aquariums are uniquely positioned to combat those evolving threats. Using robust and sophisticated breeding programs, these institutions fund and facilitate countless initiatives to propagate species and preserve genetic biodiversity, and then reintroduce critically endangered or extinct species into the wild. Consider the Arabian Oryx, a striking breed of antelope from the Arabian Peninsula. The species was hunted to extinction in the wild nearly four decades ago, when the last wild Arabian Oryx was shot and killed in 1972. The Phoenix Zoo helped lead the ensuing breeding and reintroduction programs, which ultimately birthed more than 200 calves from just nine individuals. Now between Oman and Jordan, there are about 1,000 Arabian Oryx living in the wild.

The Arabian Oryx—which has since been removed from the endangered species list—isn’t alone. Breeding programs at zoos and aquariums have since saved numerous other species from extinction, including the European bison, the red wolf, and the Oregon spotted frog.

Even when animals are never introduced into the wild, placing them under human care can still improve the lives of their wild counterparts: Modern zoos and aquariums serve as bases for observation and research, which then helps protect wild animals.

One compelling example is the study of animal infection and disease, currently the subject of numerous ongoing research projects at zoos worldwide. The Zoological Society of London, for instance, is developing innovative methods to assess the risks of animals contracting disease when they’re reintroduced into the wild. Smithsonian’s National Zoo in Washington is leading global research efforts on the detection and treatment of the sometimes-fatal elephant herpes virus, with the ultimate goal of developing an effective vaccine to be administered to the species in both zoo and wild populations. And the San Diego Zoo retains a staff of 20 experts dedicated to the study of treating wildlife diseases that threaten conservation.

Of course, the positive contributions of zoos and aquariums in conserving wild animals cannot—and should not—outweigh the health and well-being of the animals living under the care of these institutions. That’s why American Humane Association is launching a global initiative to elevate the welfare standards of zoos and aquariums worldwide. The Humane Conservation program will be the first third-party certification devoted solely to verifying that animals living in these institutions are healthy, positively social, active, safe, and living with proper light, sound, air, and heat levels. And these standards will be set not by zoos but instead an independent collection of world-renowned experts in the fields of animal science, behavior, and ethics—a sharp departure from most existing accreditation programs, which are vulnerable to accusations of conflicts of interest and leniency.

To some detractors, the humane certification of zoos and aquariums is an oxymoron. But vast empirical and academic research discredits this black-and-white view. Animals in zoos and aquariums today can live longer, healthier, and richer lives than their forbearers ever did in the wild. Go see for yourself.

 

Material 2: An excerpt from Ethics Guide   bbc.uk

There is more to treating animals in an appropriate way than keeping them healthy. Are we right to use animals as objects? Is it morally wrong to keep animals in zoos?

 

The animal rights answer

It is wrong if animals have rights because:

・it treats the animal as a means to achieve some human end

・it fails to treat animals with the respect they deserve

・it violates the animal's right to live in freedom

 

The animal welfare answer

From the welfare point of view it is wrong to keep an animal in a zoo if the animal has a less pleasant life than it would have outside the zoo.

 

Reasons why people think keeping animals in zoos is bad for their welfare:

・the animal is deprived of its natural habitat

・the animal may not have enough room

・the animal is deprived of its natural social structure and companionship

・the animal is forced into close proximity with other species and human beings which may be unnatural for it

・the animal may become bored, depressed and institutionalized

・animals bred in zoos may become imprinted on human beings rather than members of their own species

・this prevents them fully experiencing their true identity

・although animals may live longer lives in zoos than in the wild, they may experience a lower quality of life

 

There is more to treating animals in an appropriate way than keeping them healthy: It's possible (and used to be common) for zoos to keep animals in perfect physical shape, but in conditions that cause the animals to display serious behavioral problems.

 

Zoos and conservation

But where a zoo is keeping animals in order to preserve a species that is under threat in the wild, and treats its animals in an appropriate way, then this is morally acceptable from the welfare point of view.

 

Some animal activists argue that the conservation argument is flawed. They list the following weaknesses:

・a zoo may be unable to keep a large enough number of individuals to provide a sufficiently varied gene pool for the species to breed without problems

・where animals are rare and hard to breed in captivity, removing specimens from the wild to zoos may

・result in the population falling

・returning animals to the wild is difficult

・the benefits to the overall species population do not compensate the individual animals for the negative effects of living in a zoo

 

 

☆Hints for Points for Discussion

Acceptable

1.        Zoos have educational values. Children can learn about life and the importance of preserving the environment. Also, open display, which is becoming popular now, attempts to show the characteristic behaviors of animals to visitors by installing facilities that make the target behavior possible.

2.        Zoos contribute to studies and protection of wild life. Some endangered species are kept and bred successfully in zoos. Observations at zoos will help conserve wild animals of the same kind.

3.        Today’s zoos provide a better environment for animals to live in than their natural habitat.

 

Unacceptable

1.        The educational value of zoos is questionable. Animals in zoos look and act differently from those in the wild. Also, showing animals that should be free in the wild kept in cages is a bad emotional education

2.        The contribution of zoos to conservation is not substantial. It is true that some zoos have successfully preserved a few endangered species, but the project is rather pointless because the original environment of those animals have been lost or changed. Sending them back to nature will either fail or cause other problems. Rather than trying to artificially revive endangered species, reviving the environment is the right way.

3.        It is cruel to keep animals in zoos. The place animals are kept is unnatural, unclean, and stressful. No matter how much improvement has been made, the artificial environment is no match for the natural environment. Also, studies have shown that animals have more delicate brain activities, something similar to our emotions and thought, than we have thought. Thus, many of them might be aware of their confinement and be frustrated by the environment of exhibition.

4.        Zoos are no better than freak shows that violate animal rights. Humans should evolve to have no zoos in the future. True animal lovers are to go into the wild themselves, not the other way (a)round.

 

 

☆Sample Response

【Thesis】I am opposed to keeping animals in zoos because the educational value of the zoo is questionable.

【Supporting Details】It is said that people can learn about animals they cannot see around them in the zoo, but most people do not go to the zoo to study. I seldom see people reading the information hung in front of the cage. Also, videos and books will do for the purpose. Interacting with real animals alive may be effective for loving animals, but not essential, especially with rare species. Interactions with domestic animals like cats and dogs is enough for the experience. At any rate, animals in zoos are different from those in the wild. They look and behave differently. For example, wild birds are not only much more beautiful but also freer to fly than birds in cages. Even those stay within their territory fly in a circle of at least some kilometers in diameter a day, many of them flying more than 100 meters high in the air. Zoos cannot provide birds with the same condition as their natural habitat, and when birds cannot fly freely, they are not birds anymore. The same can be said more or less about other living things in the zoo. Last but not least, acceptance of exploitation of animals for entertainment keeps our moral standard low. It is as serious an issue as harsh treatment of animals for meat. It will hinder the spiritual growth of us humankind. (242 words)

注意事項

 

このプリントは実際にTOEFL iBTや英検を受験してwriting sectionの答案を書く際の注意事項を今までの総復習をかねて確認するためのものです。参考にしていただければ幸いです。

 

《準備》

良い答案を書くために日頃から行っておくとよいこととしては、１）良い文章を読む ２）問題意識を持つ等がありますが、受験日が近くなると以下のようなことをすることも必要です。

 

様々なWriting Topicをチェックする 授業では主にagree/disagreeタイプの問題とpreferenceを問う問題を解いてきましたが全ての問題パターンを見たわけではありません。公開されている過去問のWriting Topicに目を通し、書きにくそうなものは実際に書いてみるかEssay Structure（論証の手順と具体例のメモ）を作成してみておきましょう。

実際に書いて練習しておくまた、実際に書いてみてより完成度の高い答案へのイメージはつかめたことと思います。しかしレッスンで身につけたことを定着・維持・発展させるために「書く」ということを今後も続けましょう。その際、最低２回書きます。最初は時間を設定して書き、自分で添削するか誰かに添削してもらい、もう一度時間制限無しで書き直します。

添削済み答案の書き直し 自己添削では見つかりにくいミスや悪い癖を授業の添削済み答案の書き込みで確認し、それらに注意しながら書き直しましょう。

主な時事問題と自分の研究課題・趣味をまとめておく  AO対策も兼ねて環境問題、貧困対策、グローバル化等の時事問題と自分の趣味・研究課題を100語前後の英文にまとめておきましょう。

英文読後日記をつける 英字新聞・雑誌の記事・社説・投稿等を読み、要約と感想を50～100語の英文にまとめましょう。具体例の材料集めと表現力をつけるのに役立ちます。

基本文法問題で典型的なミスをチェック　英文ライティングの試験ではきちんとした英文を書くことが最も重要です。文法の誤文訂正問題で典型的な文法ミスをチェックしておきましょう。また、文法の評価が１～２になることが多い人は文構造関連事項(文型、複文、従属節、接続詞と前置詞の違い等)を参考書で確認して問題集で練習し、さらに基本例文を言って書けるようにしましょう。

手本の書写と要約  文法・表現力の評価が３になることが多い人はテキストやBarron’s Writing for the TOEFL iBT等のsample essayの書写をお勧めします。意味単位ごとに写すと表現が身につきやすくなります。ただ写すのではなく内容を取りながら行ってください。最後に内容を要約します。最初は各段落のMain Ideaを抜き出し、次に自分の言葉で言い換えます。

他分野の強化 ライティングは総合的な分野ですので他分野の力が影響します。文法はもちろん、読解やリスニングの練習も続けましょう。文法は添削で直された文を和訳し元の文に戻す練習、読解は精読と多読・速読を並行して行いましょう。リスニングは解答・スクリプトの読解後、スクリプトを見ながらリズムと速さに注意し(音声の完コピを目指して)音声と同時に音読することをお勧めします。（筆者はこの方法で苦手だったUKアクセントが聞き取りやすくなり、TOEICにUS以外のアクセントが導入された後も満点を何度もとっています。）

《試験本番》

以下の注意点は普段の練習で実践し本番では自然にできるようにしておきましょう。

 

♦手順を守る  1. 課題の確認　2. Brainstormingと構成  3. 書く4. 見直し の流れで書く。（あせらずに、1～4の手順を守ってきちんとした答案にすることを目指しましょう。）

1.      課題の確認

♦予想外の課題が出てもあわてない このテストは英作文の力を見るテストであって知識を試すテストではないことを忘れず、自分に分かる範囲内で論理性のある答案を書きましょう。できる限り具体例もつけましょう。

♦課題の条件を見落とさない 例えば”Parents are the best teachers for children (ages between 1-12).”の場合、eighth graders (中学生)を例に挙げることはできません。課題を正確に読み取ることが、合格レベルの答案を書く第一歩です。

2.      Brainstormingと構成

♦まず論点と構成を明確にしてから書き始める  実際に書く前に数分かけてよいのでBrainstorming + 構成の作業をして答案の骨組みを作りましょう。Brainstormingは「頭の中の材料を外に出す作業」です。思いついたことを箇条書きでPC画面に打ち込んでゆきます。構成ではBrainstormingで箇条書きにした材料を整理し、１）topicごとにまとめ〈1 paragraph = 1 topic〉 ２）重要な順に本論の段落順を決め、最初に導入、最後に結論の段落を設定します。結論無しに時間切れになった場合に備えて最後の結論の一文だけ先に書いてから書き始めることをお勧めします。

♦英文エッセイの基本構造を崩さない 奇抜な構成で評価が上がることはありません。基本構造に従って書きましょう。評価されるのは論証のうまさと表現力(文法と語彙)です。

3.      書く

♦読み手に話しかけるようなつもりで書くと同時にきちんとした書き言葉を心がける 実際に書き始めたら論証に集中します。読み手を身近な人に想定してその人に説明するような気持ちで書いてゆくのも良いと思います。文法に神経を使うとたくさん書けなくなるので（普段は丁寧に調べて書いてほしいですが）本番では神経質にならない方が良いと思います。だたし、きちんとした書き言葉を使うことだけは留意しましょう。

♦客観的な文章にする 書く内容を考える際に自分にとって身近なことから考えてゆくことはアイディアを出す上で大切ですが、考えを文章に変換するときは客観的な言い方を心がけましょう。主語が I ではなく People や Students 等のより一般的な人や 形式主語のItあるいは無生物主語で文を始めると客観的な文章にしやすくなります。個人的な好みや選択を述べる場合以外で特にこの点に気をつけることが大切です。

♦当然予測される反論は取り上げて反論への反論をする 反論処理は問題のタイプにもよりますが 大まかに〔自分の主張・選択の利点＞選ばなかった考え・選択肢〕の証明と考えてください。高スコアを目指す場合、反論の処理は避けて通れません。反論の処理により内容が充実し、合格ラインの語数をクリアでき、英語に問題がなければ高得点が可能になります。 １）反論処理用の部分を作る または ２）各pointの適所で反論を処理するようにしましょう。ただし、反論処理不要の問題（「健康のためにしていることを述べなさい」等）もありますので機械的に反論処理をする必要はありません。

♦内容を掘り下げる 漠然としたtopic (「もし発明家だったら何を発明したいか？」等)に趣味関連で解答する場合、人生観・問題意識を入れて内容を深める努力をしましょう。♦よく知らない単語や使い慣れない構文は使わない 本番では実力を最大限に発揮することが大切です。背伸びをしたり迷ったりすると失敗しがちです。♦同じ単語・表現を繰り返さない 表現力がないと思われますので同じ語・表現の繰り返しは２回程度にとどめましょう。別の語を思いつかない場合は主語や構文自体を変えてみましょう。 ♦前置きは短めにする 導入は主張とその理由があれば合格点の範囲内です。例えばいつもI agree with the statement that …(Writing Topicのstatement) . I have two reasons to support my opinion.のように書き出している場合、（このままでも良いですが）第2文を主張の理由を簡潔に述べたものにすると十分な導入になります。うまい前置きがあれば更に良いでしょうが時間配分も考えて主張は早めに簡潔に示すのが無難です。（２行目位までに書くべきだと言う人もいます。） 論じ方の説明はしない 長い論文を書くわけではないので、導入後はすぐ論証に入りましょう。 通常は導入部に具体例は入れない 具体例は本論に書きます。 結論の段落に新しいtopicは加えない 結論では全てdiscussし終わっているはずなので新しいtopicは本論に入れましょう。 カンマは迷ったら入れない カンマは次の3つの場合は必ず入れ、その他は入れない方が無難です。１．挿入の前後 ２．副詞（句・節）が文頭に出た時、その副詞の直後（例外: 後ろが倒置の時はカンマ不要） ３．重文（ … and …のような文）の前半が長いか複雑な時、また短くても内容が一区切りしている時、その部分の直後  結論を必ずつける 結論は総括です。主張の理由を簡潔に繰り返したうえで（iBTではこの部分はなくても大丈夫です）、導入と同じ内容を違う表現でまとめます。主張の理由は一言で締めくくるのも良いし、本論の各主張を1個の名詞や形容詞などで表すのも一つの方法です。時間切れで結論無しのエッセイになるのを避けるため、先に結論の1文を書いてから答案を書き始めるのも良いと思います。

 

4.      見直し

主に論理の矛盾と説明不足に注意して読み直しましょう。時間が余っていて必要語数に満たない場合、語数が一番少ないpointを見直しましょう。Topic Sentenceや具体例、理由の説明を足すことができるはずです。Topic Sentenceを思いつかない場合はそのpointのまとめの文を最初に持ってゆくのも一案です。

 

本番の前にはもう一度、基本を守り、論理性・客観性を保ち、沢山書くことを自分に言い聞かせましょう。頑張ってください！

佐々木

Writing for an Academic Discussion A small private room or a larger room with a roommate？ - revised -

 If you had the choice, would you prefer a small private room or a larger room with a roommate, and why?

 

 

☆Let’s Think

Let’s make sure the choices you have, and imagine what the life would be like in each case.

A small private room                 A larger room with a roommate

            

 

 

1)     Have you ever lived in a dorm room? If you have, was it a small private room, a large room with a roommate, or another type of room? Share the experience?

2)     Talk about “social aspects and shared experiences of a larger room with a roommate” the professor mentions. What exactly are they?

3)     Would you like to prioritize privacy or social life in college? Why or why not?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

Good points of a small private dorm room

・Peace of mind is easier to get.

・It provides you with a choice to be alone if you live in a single room, while a shared room won’t.

 

Good points of a larger dorm room with a roommate

・Living with your roommate as if you were siblings would be enjoyable and memorable.

・Room-sharing makes you patient and mature and helps you acquire social skills necessary after graduation.

 

 

☆Sample Responses  

【Thesis】I would choose a large dorm room with a roommate for special experiences.

【Single Room】While solitude and privacy a small single room protects and relaxation and daydreaming it allows are attractive, considering hard work and socialization in college, it may make me miss the essence of dorm life because a single dormitory room is not so different from my bedroom at home. If you close the door, you shut out the outside world.

【Shared Room】On the other hand, room-sharing would be a special experience that I can only have during college years. I have a partner to share most of my life there. We could talk all night and share our thoughts and feelings about everything of our interest. If lucky, we can be life-time friends. Even if we are not compatible, it will be a good experience to live with someone of my age for four years. It could even be a start of my networking as Emily points out.

【Conclusion】College life is not only for studies but also for experiences and bonding, and so I would prefer a large dormitory room with a roommate to make my college life more meaningful for that matter. (189 words)

 

Sample B

【Thesis】I would choose a small single room because I would like to prioritize my privacy and solitude.

【Supporting Details】Anyone must be alone for a certain time every day for reflection and imagination to stay mentally healthy. We also need it for personal growth, which is based on an awareness of individuality.

【Counterargument-Treatment】It is true that you might sometimes feel lonely to be in a single room, but you can invite dorm mates or friends or go out to see people anytime. Also, loneliness may occur even when you have a companion. To feel that you are really not alone, something like a strong interest which you can share with others is necessary, and you cannot necessarily share it with your roommate. In terms of friendships, you can find them anywhere, in class, at a cafeteria, online, or even in books.

【Conclusion】Therefore, I prefer a small private room to secure precious personal time and space, (146 words)

Write your response in 10 minutes. Show each other your responses. Write down questions or suggestions to each other’s response.

 

                                                   DRAFT