TOEFL iBT Independent writing, zoos & uniform - rewrite -

Writing Topic A

Do you agree with the following opinion? There is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos. Give specific reasons to support your answer.

☆Let’s think

1.      Debate on the following topics.

a.    There is no benefit in eating sweets.

b.    There is no benefit in smoking.

c.     There is no benefit in bullying.

2.      Is there any benefit in keeping animals in zoos?

3.      What are bad aspects of zoos? Do they offset the benefit(s) ?

☆Hints for points

Disagree

1.    Zoos have educational values. Children can learn about life and the importance of protecting nature.

2.    Zoos contribute to studies and preservation of wild life. Some endangered species are kept and bread successfully in zoos.

3.    Today’s zoos provide better environment for animals than before.

Agree

1.    It is cruel to keep animals in zoos. The place animals are kept is unnatural, unclean, and stressful. No matter how much improvement has been made, artificial environment is no match for the natural environment. Also, studies have been showing animals have more delicate brain activities, something similar to our emotions and thought, than we have thought. Thus many of them might be fully aware of their environment and frustrated by confinement and exhibition.

2.    The educational value of zoos is questionable. Animals in zoos look and act differently from those in the wild. Also, showing what should be in the wild in captivity is a bad emotional education.

3.    The contribution of zoos to conservation is pointless. Rather than trying to artificially revive endangered species, reviving the environment of their original habitat is the way to go.

☆Sample Body Structures

Sample 1

【Introduction】I disagree with the statement that there is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos.

【Point 1】Zoos entertain many people.

【Point 2】Zoos contribute to preservation.

【Counterargument-treatment】Many animals suffer from diseases and stress, but their living conditions are being improved.

【Conclusion】Although I myself cannot enjoy seeing confined animals anymore, I cannot totally agree with the notion that zoos are good for nothing because there are some benefits.

Sample 2

【Introduction】I totally agree with the statement that there is no benefit in keeping animals in zoos.

【Point 1】It is not beneficial but dehumanizing keeping living things in confinement    e.g. callousness

【Point 2】The educational value of zoos is questionable.     e.g. not natural

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that some zoos have successfully preserved some endangered species, but the project is rather pointless because the original environment of those animals have been lost or changed. Sending them back to nature will either fail or cause other problems.

【Conclusion】Zoos are no better than freak shows that violate animal rights. Humans should evolve to have no zoos in the future. True animal lovers are to go into the wild themselves, not the other way (a)round.

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Speech Time

Make a speech on this topic. Don’t worry. Everybody speaks at the same time. If the class is small or no one wants to speak out, show each other what you have written.

☆Sample Paragraph Development

A.

【Main Idea】Many animals in zoos suffer from diseases and stress, but their living conditions are being improved.

【Supporting Details】Cages are larger and cleaner than before. Some zoos are natural parks where animals freely move around. Also, open display, which attempts to show more natural behavior of animals to visitors by installing facilities that make the target behavior possible, is becoming popular now.

【Follow-up】Although not all zoos treat animals well, but changes are certainly happening as visitors favor zoos that have happier animals.

【Wrap-up】Zoos are not so inhumane as it is thought to be.

B.

【Main Idea】Educational value of the zoo is questionable.

【Supporting Details】It is said that people can learn about animals they cannot see around them in the zoo, but most people do not go to the zoo to study. I seldom see people reading the information hung in front of the cage. Also, videos and books will do for the purpose. Watching real animals alive may be more effective but not essential. At any rate, animals in zoos are different from wild ones. They look and behave differently. For example, wild birds are much more beautiful than birds in zoos and they fly around. Even those stay within their territory fly at least some kilometers in diameter a day, many of them flying more than 100 meters high in the air. Zoos cannot provide birds with the same condition under which they live in the wild, and when birds cannot fly freely, they are not birds anymore. The same can be said more or less about other living things in the zoo.

【Wrap-up】Therefore, people learn little about animals in the zoo.

Your Sample Paragraph Development

Choose one of the points in your sample essay structure above and develop it.

【Main Idea】

【Explanation】

【Supporting Details】

【Wrap-up】

Writing topic B: Many high schools in various countries make their students wear uniforms on campus, but there are other high schools which allow their students to wear whatever clothes they like within certain limits. Using specific examples and reasons, discuss these policies. Which do you think is the better policy?

☆Let’s think

1.      What kind of people wear uniforms?

2.      Why do they wear uniforms or why are they made to wear uniforms?

3.      Compare the reasoning and advantages/disadvantages of uniform policy and non-uniform policy in high school.

	Uniform Policy in High School	Non-uniform Policy in High school
Reasoning
Advantages or Disadvantages

4.      Which policy do you agree with?

☆Hints for points

Uniform policy

1.    Uniforms make it clear that school is the place for study. It sends students a massage that they should be focused on study, not in fashion and other matters of little relation to studies.

2.    Uniforms help equal treatment. It is fair for students with financial difficulties. They do not have to feel afraid of being treated unfairly because of their appearances.

3.    Uniforms may be supposed (to) nurture sense of belonging.

4.    Wearing a uniform serves as a protection as well as a marker for monitoring.

5.    Unlike university, high schools should exercise restrictions on some aspects of students’ life.

Non-uniform policy

1.    When a school does not have a uniform, it could be to reduce economic burden of the students. Uniforms are expensive.

2.    At least in public schools, to make students wear uniforms violates freedom.

3.    Having students wear uniform is controlling students on school days.

4.    No-uniform policy can make high school life more enjoyable and memorable. Clothing is an important element for communication and joy of life.

5.    School uniform does not have much specific function like those of lab coats or gym clothes, and thus uniform is not a necessity in education.

6.    By wearing everyday-clothes, high school students can relax in class and do good jobs.

☆Sample Essay Structure

A.

【Introduction】Although it is at the discretion of the school to decide its dress codes, I would rather high schools to respect their students’ humanity.

【Uniform】Uniforms are labels.  

【Plain Clothes】The policy to allow students to wear any clothes with certain limitations reflects that the school is open to the outside world and treats students in the same way as society does,

【My View】No-uniform policy seems better to me because putting high school students in school uniforms is treating them as children who still need to be watched and this is wrong.

【Conclusion】I think high school students should be treated as adults in fundamental aspects of life.

B.

【Introduction】Although it might not be so much a policy as a custom, to make high school students wear uniform is not a preferable practice.

【Point 1】In terms of productivity, plain-clothes are more effective than uniform because of relaxation

【Point 2】In terms of moral, various facts show that uniform has nothing to do with it, if not corrupting.

【Counterargument-treatment】 It cannot be denied that there are some good effects of uniforms such as nurturing a sense of belonging to the school or promoting a simple lifestyle, but the negative influence of feeling the school authority imposed on them in the form of uniform is too strong to ignore. In any case, the merits that uniform can have such as promoting solidarity of the students can be provided by other items like school badge. Also, simple lifestyle can be learned without uniforms as most teenagers wear inexpensive, simple clothes at home.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】If the school uniform manufacturers integrated themselves to make a variety of lines of reasonably-priced high school fashion, high schools would find no reason to force students to wear uniforms.

Your Sample Essay Structure

Use either of the following sample essay structures or the blank form below them and make your sample essay structure.

【Introduction=Outline】

【Uniform Policy】

【Non-uniform Policy】

【My View】

【Conclusion=Wrap-up】

B.

【Introduction=Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Blank Form

【Introduction = Outline】

【        】

【        】

【        】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Speech Time

Make a speech on this topic. Don’t worry. Everybody speaks at the same time. If the class is small or no one wants to speak out, show each other what you have written.

☆Sample Paragraph Developments

A.

【Main Idea】Uniforms are labels.

【Supporting Details】Traditionally, clothing has been an important indicator of social status. Both those in a certain uniform and those seeing them in it confirm that the former are expected to play a certain role and behave accordingly. A high school uniform, therefore, means that the person in the uniform is expected to behave as such, in other words, as a minor. This has both advantage and disadvantage. The advantage is that the student is protected by the society. The disadvantage is the restriction of individuality. Also, in Japan, where schools are ranked according to the difficulty of their entrance examinations, school uniforms are literal labels of the students’ positions in the hierarchy of the Japanese society.

【Wrap-up】Like a jar of jam labeled as a certain fruit jam, students in uniforms are judged, treated, and expected to act in a certain way that matches the image of the uniform they are wearing.

B.

【Main Idea】Having students wear uniform is controlling students on school days.

【Supporting Details】School intends to have less trouble by making students wear uniforms. The assumption is that students will be less likely to end up in places where they are not supposed to be or be involved in unacceptable activities when they are in uniforms. However, students go out in their daily clothes on weekends and they are still the students of the school they belong to.

【Wrap-up】This makes it clear that uniform helps not so much students as the school with uniform policy so that it can stay out of trouble on school days and the school takes advantage of it.

C.

【Main Idea】At least in public schools, to make students wear uniforms violates freedom.

【Supporting Details】Having high school students wear a uniform denies their freedom of choice in pursuit of happiness. The policy to allow students to wear any clothes with certain limitations shows that the school expects students to have some autonomy, assuming that high school students are old enough to decide what they should wear for the day. It allows students to have freedom, independence, and individuality. Students will learn to be responsible for fundamental aspects in their lives.

【Wrap-up】High school students in a free world should not be forced to wear a school uniform.

D.

【Main Idea】No-uniform policy seems better to me because putting high school students in school uniforms is treating them as children who still need to be watched and this is wrong.

【Supporting Details】A uniform is a reminder of responsibility of having a certain occupations or being in a certain social status. Military officers, medical personnel, restaurant workers, kindergarten pupils, and inmates are in uniforms. They are expected to behave as society expects them to. However, high school students are neither workers nor people who need monitoring. Moreover, they are in the period of life when their world view and identity is challenged and reestablished. Freedom of mind is necessary for it to work to the full and for this process to be successful enough to make students adults.

【Wrap-up】However, the uniform policy limits this transformation by explicitly showing that they are watched and controlled and by exempting them in some aspects from struggles to be mentally independent.

E.

【Main Idea】Uniform contributes to fairness.

【Supporting Details】This is because uniforms can prevent wealth gap from being revealed. Under the no-uniform policy, rich students naturally will come to school in expensive, stylish clothing and poor students keep wearing what they can afford for years. This difference can lead to separation, discrimination and even bullying,

【Follow-up】Students may not show such problems on the surface, but according to a professor, school is a closed space where even the smallest difference can make one ostracized.

【Wrap-up】Till they go to university and acquire freedom to escape from belligerence, high school students, especially the vulnerable ones, need to be protected from it by being in the same clothes with those of others.

Your test paragraph development

Choose one of the reasons you have come up with, make it the main idea, and develop it using the following form.

【Main Idea】

【Supporting Details】

【Follow-up】

【Wrap-up】