TOEFL, iBT, Independent Writing, Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. / It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by our society? - rewrites -

Writing Topic 1

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

☆Let’s think

This topic might be difficult for many to give a clear-cut answer. Most people have both experiences of being encouraged and discouraged by grades. If the grades are high or higher than before, we are happy. If we keep getting lower grades, we might decide we are not apt for the subject and stop making efforts.

When you can think of both merits and demerits of a statement, you might want to use words like “mostly agree”, “partly agree”, or “cannot totally agree” in the sentence to express your opinion. If your stand is clear, you could use entirely, totally, etc.

☆Ideas and Expressions

For the statement:

1)  Students can see objectively how much they have or have not made progress.

2)  Students can set the next goal by grades.

3)  Competition makes students study harder.

Against the statement:

1)  Some students get discouraged by repeatedly being told that they are not good.

2)  Grading force teachers to focus on making students get higher scores on tests. This will lead to rote learning, depriving students of real knowledge and making them less interested in the subject.

3)  Grading instill students with the idea that society is nothing but competition, and students will miss experiencing joy of learning since it arises when there is no pressure to learn.

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions  (Barron’s, Writing for the TOEFL iBT, pp.285-286)

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☆Sample short response:

I cannot totally agree with the statement that grades encourage students to learn because there are people who are discouraged by competition. Grades make students compete against each other. There are two kinds of people who dislike this situation: those who are always at the bottom and those who just do not like to see themselves competing against their classmates. Both types can lose interest in study the moment they become aware that they are being made to race their classmates.

It is true that competition raises levels of achievements on the whole and grading is a way to provide students with objective means of reflection about their jobs, but learning is primarily a personal activity, which is stimulated by pure interest in the subject whether you have rivals or not. A student whose motivation to learn is to defeat someone in tests would lose interest in learning if his target leaves him. Students need more fundamental motivation to learn.

Thus, it is important that teachers not grade students, and if they are required to grade, I think they should grade in reference to individual’s previous grades based on absolute standards, not relative to other students.

Your short response:

I totally /mostly /partly agree / disagree with the statement that grades encourage students to learn because

It is true that

but

Thus,

Writing Topic 2

It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare the contributions of artists to society with the contributions of scientists to society. Which type of contribution do you think is valued more by our society? Give specific reasons to support your answer.

☆Let’s think

The first sentence presents the premise of this writing topic that any job is beneficial to society in general. The second sentence directs you to compare contributions of two types of people: artists and scientists. Because of the premise, you are saved from discussing if either or both of these two occupations are not necessary. The third sentence asks you to judge which job is valued more by our society. Thus, what you are supposed to do is as follows:

1) to compare contributions of artists with those of scientists

2) to write which job you think is valued more.

☆Ideas and Expressions

Contributions of artists to society

1)    They help us develop our emotions and sense for beauty.

2)    They cultivate our imagination and creativity.

3)    They ease our soul.

4)    They increase our knowledge about the world and humans through their expressions.

Contributions of scientists to society

1)    They protect and develop our life.

2)    They help us save our future.

3)    They increase our knowledge about the world and humans.

Decisive factors on which type of contribution is valued more by our society

1)    money paid for their work   e.g. salary, funding

2)    tokens of respect they receive  e.g. permanent resident status

3)    the way they are treated in the education system  e.g. the number of subjects, lessons, teachers, and universities)

4)    attention paid by society   e.g. whether most parents want to see their children become artists or scientists

☆Essay for Ideas and Expressions

(Barron’s, Writing for the TOEFL iBT, pp. 304-305)

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Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction】

【Contributions of Artists】

【Contributions of Scientists】

【Which is more valued by society】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Sample Paragraph Developments

Sample Paragraph Development 1

【Topic Sentence】In think scientists are more valued than artists in society because they seem to gain more respect by people of all walks of life.

【Supporting Detail - in general】              How they are treated in society shows which specialists are more valued.

【Supporting Detail - specific】Scientists are called with titles like “doctor” or “professor” while artists are not. Also, governments are more ready to spend money on science than on art.

【Follow-up 】There are some artists who are treated like god, but they are exceptions.

【Conclusion】Those who deal with technology are more valued than those who treat our soul in today’s society.

Sample Paragraph Development 2

【Topic Sentence】In think artists are more valued than scientists in society because more attention is paid to the former than to the latter.

【Supporting Detail - in general】The names and performances of artists are taken up in the media every day while those of scientists are not treated in the same way.

【Supporting Detail - specific】Television and magazines are full of news about artists. Their works are easy to understand and pleasure to the eye and ear. However, science news that appears on the front page once in a while is usually that related to awards like Nobel Prize, and the names of the scientists will seldom be learned by the public.

【Follow-up 】If asked whether they value science, people would answer in the affirmative, but they do not realize how much they owe to the work of scientists, and some even suspect that they are conjuring up a hoax.   e.g. climate change deniers

【Conclusion】Artists are the sweetheart of society while scientists are brothers in the basement in the eye of the public.

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Topic Sentence】

【Supporting Detail - in general

【Supporting Detail - specific】

【Follow-up】

【Conclusion】