TOEFL iBT Independent Writing 1) What country would you most wish to visit for two weeks? 2) What aspect of your hometown would you like to change, and in what way? - revised -

Writing Topic A 

Suppose you had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country. What country would you most wish to visit? Discuss your choice using specific details and reasons.

 

 

☆Let’s think

1.      Name possible foreign destinations for a one-year stay, a two-week trip, and a two-day trip.

One-year stay:

Two-day trip:

 

2.      Name countries you could visit for a two-week trip and the purposes.

Examples:

- English study: America, England, Canada, Australia, etc. 

- food: Italy, Spain, China, etc. 

- ancient history: Egypt, China, India, etc. 

- animals: Australia, Brazil, Kenya, etc. 

- familiarity: home stay, study abroad, lived there with your family for a few years

 

3.      Research the history and the culture of the country you would like to visit and report the result to your group members. Tell them what you would like to do there.

1. About the country that you would like to visit

 

 

 

 

2. They reason of your visit and what you want to do there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

☆Hints for Points

1.       I would like to visit one of English-speaking countries for English study. 

2.       South Africa or other emerging economies would be nice to visit so that I can see vigorous societies.

3.       I wish to go to a country that is not so popular as a tourist destination because it is exciting to see a country that I do not know well and whose official language I do not know at all. Therefore, I would choose North Macedonia.

4.       I like ancient history. Therefore, I would definitely visit either Egypt, China, Iraq (Mesopotamia), or Iran (Persia) if there is not a travel ban.

5.       I am interested in biology, so either the Galάpagos Islands or a country in the Sub-Saharan Africa would be my choice.

6.       I would like to do some volunteering in countries like Afghanistan, Syria, Somalia or Yemen, where people are starving to death due to war and disasters.

 

 

☆Sample Essay                                                                                                          

A two-week trip in a foreign country is too short to master something like the language or a culture, but long enough for many visits to places and interactions with the people. If I had two weeks to visit a foreign country, I would go to Indonesia because I would like to use the Indonesian language I have learned and visit two places of my interest.

  I have studied Indonesian for two years, and now I can have a basic conversation in it. However, I have not used the language outside my class. There are few Indonesians in my country. Thus, I would like to go to Indonesia to have conversation with Indonesians other than my Indonesian teacher. I have also noticed that people do not speak exactly in the same way as teachers do. They speak colloquial Indonesian, and most people have accents. I would like to be exposed to them by spending some time in Indonesia.

  Indonesia is an attractive country with many magnificent structures and diverse living traditional cultures. Above all, I am interested in Borobudur and Balinese dance. Although Indonesia is famous as the biggest Islamic country, it has been influenced by many other religions. Borobudur is the largest Buddhist temple in the world with some mysteries in its history. Balinese dance is related to Hindi religion. Although tourism has modernized it, it is still a part of daily life of the people in Bali. I would like to see both of them with my own eyes.

  As Japanese, I would not be a totally happy tourist in this country because Japan occupied Indonesia in the past. There are still some old people who speak our language and sing our songs. I cannot imagine how they feel about us, and I do not know how I should behave when I meet such people. However, this issue may make the visit all the more meaningful if I communicate with the local people carefully and sincerely.

  I would like to deepen my understanding of the language and the culture of Indonesia. Two weeks is not long enough to master the language and see all the cultures, but I think I can get the feel of them from the stay.

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure

Sample A

【Introduction】

【Other Good Places for a Two-Week Trip】

【Reason for Choice 1】

【Reason for Choice 2】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Sample B

【Introduction】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Negative Point and Why It Does Not Matter】

【Conclusion】

 

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction】

【       】

【       】

【       】

【Conclusion】

 

☆Speech Time

Give a one-minute speech on this topic.

 

 

☆Full Introduction Writing

A full introduction of an essay follows a form as follows.

【Hook】 A sentence to attract the reader’s attention

【Background】 The explanation of the hook

【Thesis】 What you want to say in the essay

【Reason(s)】 The outline of the Reasons of the thesis

                                                                                                                                          

 

Samples

【Hook】 Two years have passed since I left the U.S. and I still miss the people there.

【Background】 I did a one-year homestay and had a very good time there.

【Thesis】 Thus, I would like to stay in the U.S. for two weeks.

【Reason(s)】I would see my host family and friends there, and would like to do the sights with them.

 

【Hook】 For many, the word “Down Under” has a negative connotation, but to me it sounds great.

【Background】 I have heard a lot of good things about Australia from my mother who has been there.

【Thesis】 If I had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country, I would like to go to Australia.

【Reason(s)】 I would like to see the unique wildlife, interact with the people, and learn about its history.

 

【Hook】Although I am Japanese, my hometown is Jakarta, Indonesia.

【Background】 I spent my childhood in this city near the equator.

【Thesis】 I would like to visit the town I lived in there.

【Reason(s)】This is because I feel I miss something and I think I remember it if I visit the house I lived in and talk to the people there.

 

【Hook】Most people in Japan are not interested in countries that are located on the other side of the globe, but I am not one of them.

【Background】I have been to South American countries such as Mexico, Peru, and Ecuador.

【Thesis】 Next, I would like to go see Brazil if I had a two-week vacation.

【Reason(s)】I would like to see the country for the language, the culture, and the Amazon Rainforest.

 

【Hook& Background & Thesis】There are many attractive countries in Europe such as France,

Italy, Spain, Germany, and England, but I would like to go to Ireland if I had a chance to take a

two-week trip to a foreign country.

【Reason(s)】The reason is that I love the people and the society of the country.

 

Your Sample Full Introduction

【Hook】

 

【Background】

 

【Thesis】

 

【Reason(s)】

 

 

Comments or Suggestion from your partner or group members

                                                                                                    

                                                                                                     

                         

Writing Topic B

Suppose that you had the power to change one thing about your hometown. What aspect of your hometown would you like to change, and in what way? Support your ideas with specific details and reasons.

 

☆Let’s Think

1.       What does the following proverb mean? Do you feel the same way? “Every bird thinks its own nest charming.”

 

2.       Hints: Here are some hints to think of what to change about your hometown.

1)     Suppose you were an outsider. What part of your town is embarrassing?

2)     Remember other towns and cities you know and compare them with yours. Is your hometown as beautiful as they are, as convenient as they are, or as exciting as they are?

3)     Think of your ideal town and find what your hometown lacks to be it.

 

3.       Here are some things that can be the hint for the change you could write about:

1) facilities: hospital, community center, library, swimming pool, streetlights, day-care center

2) system: events, neighborhood watch group, disaster planning, scholarship, tuition-free college

3)environment: green, pollution, littering, relationships, manners

 

4.       Now make a presentation of your idea about what to change about your town to your partner or group members. Ask each other questions or make suggestions about the presentation.

Use the following procedure if you like.

1.     Problem or the present situation: What is wrong or what is going on?

e. g. Senior citizens do not have places to get together. Some of them gather at local coffee shops but it is rather expensive to do it every day 

 

 

2.     Goal: How would you change it?

e. g. I would make all coffee shops in town free to the elderly and also have them have nurses and counselors on call. The expenses would be subsidized by the municipal office.

 

 

3.     Expected Benefits: How will it benefit my hometown?

e. g. All seniors in town will have chances to enjoy themselves, their safety and health can be monitored easily, and the fact that my town has places for the elderly is something to be proud of in itself.

 

 

 

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure 

【Introduction】I would like to make my town more appealing to the young by making streets more attractive.

【Point 1】Making the streets cleaner would make my town more likable.

【Point 2】I would also like new bulletin boards to be installed in some corners for information exchange.

【Follow-up】Appearance is not everything, but the first impression counts and streets are the face of the town. Also, this idea is more feasible in terms of cost than other ideas like adding facilities.

【Conclusion】 I would like to make the streets of my hometown more beautiful and exciting. 

 

☆Sample Paragraph Development of Point 1 in Sample Essay Structure 

【Main Idea】Making the streets cleaner would make my town more likable.

【Supporting Detail (general)】Young people, especially young women, are sensitive to unclean environment.

【Supporting Detail (specific)】However, there are some filthy backstreets that few people walk into even during the day in my town. These back alleys are filled with cigarette butts and plastic bags.

【Follow-up】Regulations might not be necessary. Posters with humor would do. Also, it is reported that a miniature shrine gate placed in the site stops littering. My town should try the idea.

【Wrap-up】As the saying goes, cleanliness is next to godliness, and many young people will visit my town if the streets do not look like hell.

 

Your Sample Paragraph Development

【Main Idea】

【Supporting Detail (general)】

 

【Supporting Detail (specific)】

 

【Follow-up】

 

【Wrap-up】

 

 

☆Note: To increase the volume of your essay, find the shortest paragraph and …

1) Develop the main idea well: If a paragraph has only one or two sentences, you have not developed it well enough. Make sure that each paragraph has its main idea, supporting details (examples), additional supporting details like counter-argument treatment if necessary, and the conclusion of the paragraph.

2) Develop each sentence well: A statement can have an exception or need a condition or concession. Look for a sentence that you can add a reason, condition, concession, or any other additional information, and add “except…”. “as long as…”. “although…”, etc.

3) Describe words well: Which of the following sentences gives a clear picture of someone’s pet? A) I have a pet.   B) I have a cute cat.   C) I have a little fluffy kitten. With two adjectives and a specific noun, Sentence C) depicts an adorable pet well and it happens to be the longest of the three. Also, use transitions such as First, Also, Moreover, Finally, or Therefore, when necessary.

4) Discuss other choice(s): Even if the Writing Topic does not say, “Discuss the two views” or “Compare and contrast the choices,” you can write about other choices. Doing so will make your essay more convincing and longer. Be careful not to digress.

5) Take up counterarguments: While you are writing, sometimes a counterargument, “Well, but what about this case?” comes up to your mind. Then it is better not to ignore it but take it up and give a counter-counterargument. It will make your essay more convincing. 

- The key to remember is to try to put what you want to say into words as accurately as you can. Then you cannot help adding some more words and sentences, and some more... In the end, your essay will have many words.

TOEFL iBT Independent Writing 1) Which should your country spend money on, the military or Olympic athletes? 2) Is doing individual sports better than doing team sports for children? - revised -

 

Writing Topic A

Suppose your country has an unexpected amount of money that can be spent on either the military or your country’s Olympic athletes. Which should your country spend money on, the military or Olympic sports? Offer specific details to explain your choice.

 

 

☆Let’s think

1.       Why is the choice between military and Olympic athletes? Why is it not between military and welfare, or education? To answer this question, list as many nouns for military and Olympics as you can for comparison.

- List of nouns that relate to military:

 

Examples: battle, conscription, destruction, nationalism, bombing (air raids), industry (military-industrial complex), bad image of the country, missiles, nuclear weapons, dirty bombs, environmental destruction, soldiers, deaths, injuries, disaster-relief operations, etc.

 

- List of nouns that relate to Olympics:

 

Examples: training, strategy, sports industry, commercial ads, environmental destruction, games, matches, fair play, national pride, excitement, admiration, exercise, etc.

 

2.       What nouns in the lists do military and Olympics share?

 

3.       What are the pros and cons of each choice?

Military:

 

    Olympics:

 

4.       Considering specific conditions of your country, which choice would you make? Why?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

1.       In terms of the money flow in the economy, the choice is letting the money flow into either the military-industrial complex (American arms industry, Japanese heavy industry, businesses that cater to the Self-Defense Forces and American bases) or Olympics-related industries (the media, construction, sports, food and drink, etc.)

 

2.       The world is shifting from arms competition to business cooperation, although some politicians and military men are still warlike. Hence, chances are low that Japan wages wars against other nations and arms race is futile.

 

3.       Military use for humanitarian aids in disaster stricken areas is now increasing. As long as it is used for peaceful purposes, providing extra money for the military is good.

 

4.       Government spending on sports has been tight as well as on science, art, and education. To make our country rich in the true sense, we need to spend more money on these areas.

 

5.       The government will get better images (soft power) by supporting Olympic sports rather than increasing military spending.

 

6.       Weapons are much more expensive than promotion of sports. Therefore, it is more effective to allocate money to Olympic athletes than to military.

 

7.       The Olympic games are not free from problems but a controversial sporting event. The International Olympic Committee (IOC) is corrupt, prioritizing the profit-making through television broadcasting rights. The government of the host country often funnel tax to related industries, making the people suffer from the government debt. The trickle-down effect has been proven wrong. The weak people are affected. The environment is influenced.

 

8.       Japan is already the fifth largest military power in the world although its military spending is in the ninth place. The Self-Defense Forces have been training with the U.S. military for more than a decade. Militarization of Japan will complete the practical preparation of making Japan a country that can go to war, except for the constitutional amendment.

 

9.       There has been increase in the threat of neighboring countries.

⇔ Counterargument: Japan-U.S. relationship does not seem to change soon. Japanese prime ministers and U.S. presidents reaffirm Japan-U.S. security relationship.

 

10.    Request for militarization from powers have been strong. The Unites States and other big countries request Japanese militaristic participation in their activities to keep the world quiet such as fight against terrorism or protection of commercial ships against pirates.⇔ Counterargument: Japan has had a defense-only policy. The activity of Self-Defense Forces is limited to self-defense and peaceful operations under Article 9 of our constitution, which stipulates renunciation of war and military force. Also, joining the militaristic activity of the United States is joining the oppression of the oppressed.

 

11.    Being armed with more than decent amount will provoke those who want to start a battle with us. Japan has a history of violent past: imperial Japan before and during WWII. Militarization would give a bad impression to other countries, especially countries that Japan invaded in the past. Also. Japan has a history of diplomatic solutions of international problems since the end of WWII. This has earned us a good reputation and has kept us free from terrorism. We must continue this diplomatic peace-building.

 

Reference

Excerpt from An Appeal from the “Article Nine Association”

   Through the use of weapons reaching the cruelty of the atomic bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the Second World War claimed over fifty million lives. As a result, the citizens of the world learned the lesson that resorting to force should never be an option, even for the purpose of resolving international disputes.
  Bearing an enormous responsibility for having continuously pursued a war of invasion, Japan decided to work towards realizing this global vision, and thus established a constitution including Article Nine which stipulated the renunciation of war and of military force.

…The use of force only results in robbing a country and its people of their livelihood and of their happiness. Since the 1990s, armed interventions by major nations into regional conflicts have also failed to result in effective resolutions. That is why, in such places as Europe and Southeast Asia, efforts are being strengthened to create regional frameworks that can help to resolve conflicts through diplomacy and dialogue. …  Based on Article Nine, Japan needs to develop ties of friendship and cooperation with the peoples of Asia and other regions, and change a diplomatic stance that only prioritizes a military alliance with the United States. Japan must play an active role in the tide of world history by exercising its autonomy and acting in a pragmatic manner. It is precisely because of Article Nine that Japan can engage its partner nations in peaceful diplomacy while respecting their various positions, and collaborate with them in the fields of economy, culture, science and technology.  

ヒロシマ・ナガサキの原爆にいたる残虐な兵器によって、五千万を越える人命を奪った第二次世界大戦。この戦争から、世界の市民は、国際紛争の解決のためであっても、武力を使うことを選択肢にすべきではないという教訓を導きだしました。/ 侵略戦争をしつづけることで、この戦争に多大な責任を負った日本は、戦争放棄と戦力を持たないことを規定した九条を含む憲法を制定し、こうした世界の市民の意思を実現しようと決心しました。/ …なにより武力の行使は、その国と地域の民衆の生活と幸福を奪うことでしかありません。一九九〇年代以降の地域紛争への大国による軍事介入も、紛争の有効な解決にはつながりませんでした。だからこそ、東南アジアやヨーロッパ等では、紛争を、外交と話し合いによって解決するための、地域的枠組みを作る努力が強められています。/ … / 憲法九条に基づき、アジアをはじめとする諸国民との友好と協力関係を発展させ、アメリカとの軍事同盟だけを優先する外交を転換し、世界の歴史の流れに、自主性を発揮して現実的にかかわっていくことが求められています。憲法九条をもつこの国だからこそ、相手国の立場を尊重した、平和的外交と、経済、文化、科学技術などの面からの協力ができるのです。 (「九条の会」アピール一部抜粋)

             

 

☆Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction】Given two choices, spending extra money on either the military or Olympic athletes, I would choose the latter.

【Point 1】Spending money on sports rather than on military sends a positive message to the public and the world.

【Point 2】The world is shifting towards peaceful co-existence.

【Counterargument-treatment】It is true that the threat of being attacked exists, but the threat of rouge activity will never free us in general. Also, as is often said, efforts should be made to prevent wars, because letting a war start is a failure. After all, we live in the world where thousands of nuclear warheads are in place targeting spots on the other sides of the oceans.

【Conclusion】Instead of spending money for fear, I would like my government to spend it on an activity that can create hope in some people.

 

Other Patterns for Sample Essay Structure

Sample B

Introduction

Body 1: About Olympics

Body 2: About Military

Body 3: My Choice

Conclusion

 

Sample A

Introduction

Body 1: Good Point of My Choice 1

Body 2: Good Point of My Choice 2

Body 3: Why the advantage of the Other Choice is not important

Conclusion

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

 

☆Speech Time

Make a one-minute speech on this topic.

 

 

☆Sample Paragraph development

【Main Idea】Choosing Olympics sends a positive message.

【Supporting Details (General)】Spending extra money on a certain budget sends an important message domestically and internationally. Our country, though not wealthy as before, is a developed country, and usage of some unexpected large amount of money shows exactly what the government is interested.

【Supporting Details (Specific)】Whether allocating extra money on military or Olympics can be taken as the sign of being warlike or pacifistic. Given the international concern over Japanese politics swinging to militaristic, it would be unwise to show any tendency to militarization.

【Follow-up】 Olympic is not free from criticisms, but it is within the sphere of who benefits the most, while military spending always reminds wars and deaths.

【Wrap-up】A windfall should be used for what is less controversial

 

Your test paragraph development

【Main Idea】

【Supporting Details (General)】

 

【Supporting Details (Specific)】

 

【Follow-up】

 

【Wrap-up】

 

Writing Topic B: Many children like, and participate in, individual sports such as tennis, golf and swimming. Do you think it is better than doing team sports such as soccer and baseball? Explain your opinion on this question by offering specific reasons and examples.

 

 

☆Let’s Think

1.       What is the negative of 【A ＞ B】？ 

Fill in the blank between A and B in the following box brackets. 【A     B】

 

2.       If you disagree with a statement that A is better than B, what will you need to prove?

Fill in the brackets. You need to prove either B is (         ) (         ) A or B is as (        ) as A.

 

3.       Name team sports. What are the good points of team sports?

Examples of team sports:

Advantages of team sports:

 

4.       Name individual sports. What are the good points of individual sports?

Examples of individual sports:

Advantages of individual sports:

 

5.       If you were a parent of a young child, which type of sports would you recommend to your child?

 

 

☆Hints for Points

1.       Most of the advantages of team sports and individual sports overlap or can be found in other activities. Also, individual aptitude and personal preference count in sports.

 

2.       Advantages of team sports are that they can be enjoyed with other people, children can learn teamwork effectively, and they can make friends with teammates.

 

3.       Advantages of individual sports are as follows. They can be enjoyed alone. They offer flexibility in time and place for exercise. Introverts can play this type of sports.

 

4.       Regardless of types, for a child to play a sport is good as long as the child can enjoy it and grow up mentally and physically by doing it. 

 

 

☆Sample Essay Structure

Sample B

Introduction

Body 1: About Team Sports

Body 2: About Individual Sports

Body 3: My Choice

Conclusion

 

Sample A

Introduction

Body 1: Good Point of My Choice 1

Body 2: Good Point of My Choice 2

Body 3: Why the advantage of the Other Choice is not important

Conclusion

 

Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

 

☆Speech Time  Make a 50-second speech on this topic.