TOEFL iBT, Independent Writing, Suppose you had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country. What country would you most wish to visit? / What aspect of your hometown do you think is the most important to change, why? - rewrite -

☆Writing Topic A: Suppose you had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country. What country would you most wish to visit?

☆Let’s think

1.    Name countries you would like to visit according to your interests.

a.     according to your differing interests

e.g.

1) America or other English speaking countries―English study 

2) China or other emerging economies―interest in vigorous societies 

3) countries that are not so popular as tourist destinations―interest in countries you do not know well

b.    focusing on one of your interests

e.g.

1) ancient history―Egypt, China, Iraq (Mesopotamia), Iran (Persia), etc. 

2) biology―Galapagos Islands, a country in the Sub-Saharan Africa

2. Narrow down choices based on realistic or personal reasons

   e.g. safety, cost, time constraint

☆Essay Structure

♦Sample Essay Structure in the case that you have two or three reasons to support your argument

【Introduction = Outline】　主張と理由の概要　I would like to visit Indonesia because I have studied the Indonesian language and it has many places to visit.

【Point 1】理由1の詳細I would like to visit the country whose language I have studied.

【Point 2】理由2の詳細Indonesia is an attractive country with diverse living traditional cultures and many magnificent structures.

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】理由3の詳細または反論の処理　One should hesitate to be a totally happy tourist in this country as a Japanese because Japan occupied this country for a while in the past, but this makes the visit all the more meaningful if I carefully communicate with the people there.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】結論　I would like to deepen my understanding of the country and the language of Indonesia.

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

☆Writing Topic B: There may be good points and bad points about your hometown. What aspect of your hometown do you think is the most important to change, why?

☆Let’s Think

“What aspect”…singular (not “What aspects” → You have to choose one aspect from several bad points about your town that you would like to change.

☆Sample of a thought process

１．What kind of town is my town?　What problems does it have?

   a town in a city

    problems: air/water/noise pollutions, less contact with nature,

little human relation, few opportunities to join the local traditional events

fewer nurseries and primary schools

   a town in the suburban area

    problems: diminishing mom-and-pop shops ( large outlets, discount shops)

long commuting hours, less human relation, less open to foreigners

   a town in the countryside

    problems: high unemployment rate, aging society,

delicate relationship between the locals and foreigners who came to work as farmhands

fewer hospitals/doctors and nurses, lower education levels

2.    Explain why it is a problem.

3.    Describe how you would like it to change.

4.    Describe what kind of results would be expected.

♦Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

The lack of outside free space is the problem of my hometown.

【Point 1】

To raise productivity, our town needs more space free to use for creative work.

【Point 2】

This circumstance lessens communication and limits the range of activities of the residents, especially of the weak such as children, the elderly and the poor.

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

Free open spaces often become hangouts of teenagers and delinquency can be the concern, but means to prevent it can be carried out easily by volunteers.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

A town with many stores but few places for life is my hometown and I would like to change this situation.

♦Your Sample Essay Structure

【Introduction = Outline】

【Point 1】

【Point 2】

【Point 3 / Counterargument-treatment】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

♦Sample Paragraph Development

A paragraph of the body of an essay often develops its main idea as follows:

【Main Idea】To raise productivity, our town needs more space free to use for creative work.

【Explanation】 Our town provides only space for consumption.

【Detail / Example in general】 There is no free space to spend time other than a few small parks and narrow river banks in my hometown.

【More Specific Detail / Example】 There is no decent library. Going into a coffee shop is the only choice left for the people who want to think or do some tasks outside of their houses.

【Follow-up / Counterargument-treatment】 Some might say that you should study or work at home, but many people work better when in a public space.

【Conclusion】 My town should take workers and students more into account in its planning.

♦Your Sample Paragraph Development

Now choose one of the points you have made in your Sample Essay Structure and make develop it. Use the following form if you like.

【Main Idea】 (主張)

【Explanation】 (主張の説明)

 【Detail / Example in general】 (一般的な例) 

【More Specific Detail / Example】 (より具体的な例)

【Follow-up / Counterargument-treatment】 (補足または反論の処理)

【Conclusion】 (結論)

Optional: Full Introduction Writing

Sample

【Hook】 For many, the word “Down Under” has a negative connotation, but to me it sounds great.

【Background】 I have heard a lot of good things about Australia from my mother who have been there.

【Thesis】 If I had a chance to take a two-week trip to a foreign country, I would like to go to Australia.

【Reason(s)】 I would like to see interesting wild life, interact with the people, and learn about its history.

Ideas for Hook:

1.    It seems impossible to see around European countries in two weeks, but I think it possible.

2.    Although I am Japanese, my hometown is Jakarta, Indonesia.

3.    Two years have passed since I left the US and I still miss the country and the people there.

Your　Sample Full Introduction

【Hook】           

【Background】

【Thesis】

【Reason(s)】