TOEFL Independent Writing, Should Smoking be banned? -rewrite-

Writing Topic

Some people think that smoking cigarettes should become illegal, since it provides little benefit and a great deal of health risk, others feel that individuals should be free to smoke cigarettes if they choose to do so. Do you think cigarette smoking should be stopped by making it illegal or should it remain legal?

☆ Writing Topic with hints

The question itself is simple: Should cigarette smoking be illegal or not? However, before the question, this topic has hints for you to consider. You could either discuss the topic focusing on the hints or add your own view point, although it might not be wise to entirely ignore the point of the hints. In this topic, the point of the hints is the choice between prioritizing individuals’ health and respecting freedom and personal responsibility. In other words, this question can be translated as follows: Should cigarette smoking be illegal to protect one’s health or legal to respect one’s freedom and personal responsibility?

☆ Hints for points

♦Cigarette smoking should be illegal because …

1. it is toxic and causes cancer and other serious diseases.

2. it is addictive.

3. there is the problem of second-hand smoke/smoking.

- Counterarguments: 1) There are measures to take to prevent second-hand smoke such as separate-smoking and ban on smoking in public areas. (Smoking will remain legal while smoking in certain areas will be illegal.) ⇔ These measures are not practical because there are many smokers who do not comply with the rules and you cannot catch or shut up smoke completely. 2) Banning smoking will undermine the economy. ⇔ Some estimate shows that the smoking related loss, mainly medical costs, surpasses the loss caused by tobacco ban. Even though the estimate is not flawless given other factors such as unhealthy lifestyle and environmental pollution, it is intuitively convincing, since fixing something costs more than destroying it in general.

- Conclusion: To protect public health, individual freedom can be limited.

♦Cigarette smoking should not be illegal because …

1. you have the right to do whatever you want to do even if it endangers your health.

2. other dangerous things such as alcoholic drinks or mountain climbing are not illegal. Also, there are things of indulgence that we do not like or that are not good but requires tolerance, for example, food with strong odor, death metal, saggy pants, or binge drinking.

3. smoking is a necessary evil like drinking and gambling because

a) it helps smokers release stress

b) it is an established part of economy. If cigarettes are banned, the economy will be affected. e.g the tobacco industry, coffee shops, music clubs, etc. and tax revenue (1 trillion yen in 2009 to 23 billion yen in 2010: 63% decrease after tobacco tax raise) Cigarette industry would go underground if banned. As in the case of cannabis, making it available to the public will reduce the number of addicts and dealers.

- Counterarguments: 1) Secondhand smoke harms other people. ⇔ Only public smoking should be banned.  2) Tobacco ban will protect the young. ⇔  Many young people are attracted to things banned by the authorities. If smoking stays legal, most young people will choose not to smoke through informed decision or after experimenting with it a little.

- Conclusion: As long as measures are taken to prevent second-hand smoking, the choice between health and fun should be left to each individual.

☆One-paragraph essay = the framework of the full essay

Now let’s write a one-paragraph essay so that you can use it as a framework of your full essay.

Sample one-paragraph essay

【Main Idea = Outline】 I agree/disagree with --- because …

Cigarettes should be made illegal to protect younger generations and to solve the problem of second-hand smoke.

【Reason 1】

The number of those who start smoking can be greatly reduced.

【Reason 2】

The problem of second-hand smoke separates it from other indulgences.

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

It is true that tobacco is not as dangerous as illegal drugs and the tobacco industry is an important part of our economy. However, when the public health is at risk, the government should and can take measures.

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

I am convinced that cigarette smoking should be banned because it will improve public health, especially that of the next generation.

Your one-paragraph essay:

【Main Idea = Outline】 I agree/disagree with --- because …

【Reason 1】

【Reason 2】

【Counterargument & Counter-counterargument】

【Conclusion = Wrap-up】

Note: A counterargument is a rebuttal that can be easily expected. While writing an essay, sometimes you ask yourself, “Well, but what about this case? My point is vulnerable to it.” Then this “this case” is the counterargument. Hitting a counterargument is a chance to grade up your essay because you have found an untied end of a rope (your logic). If you can tie it well, you can confirm your point, making your essay more persuasive. Thus, taking up a counterargument when necessary is important to get a higher score. You can deal with a counterargument in an appropriate part of a paragraph or use a whole paragraph to deal with it

☆ Essay for Ideas and Expressions

A heavy smoker’s family loses him twice. Long before he dies of a disease which seems to be related to this unhealthy habit of his, when they realize that they are helpless in making him quit smoking, they start a silent but desperate mourning of his early death. It is the same sadness that they share with families of drug addicts. It is the sadness to see him die day by day. Still, this is actually a minor aspect of the tragedy of tobacco. Even though it might be difficult to put in practice because of smokers’ feelings and economic circumstances, cigarettes should be made illegal to protect younger generations and to solve the problem of second-hand smoke.

By making smoking illegal, the number of those who start smoking can be greatly reduced. Smokers find it difficult, and many of them believe it unnecessary, to quit smoking even though it has been scientifically proved that smoking causes lung cancer and other diseases. This is because smoking is addictive. When some toxic substance is addictive, making it illegal is one of the effective ways to reduce its harm. This is especially effective in preventing those who are not addicted, mostly the young, from initiating the use, since people usually stay away from things that are illegal.

Smoking seems to be a necessary evil and a matter of self-responsibility just like drinking and gambling, but the problem of second-hand smoke separates it from other indulgences. Cigarette smoke directly harms those who are around. Children of smokers are more susceptible to respiratory diseases than those of non-smokers, and many people are sensitive to smoke. Although separate-smoking and public smoking ban are promoted, many smokers do not conform to the rules and it is impossible to block the contaminated air completely. When some toxic fumes are around in everyday scenes, it is natural for the government to regulate them.

Banning smoking is difficult but possible. It seems that cigarettes stay legal because their social influence is not as big as that of drugs and they support the economy. Cigarettes do not make the user dangerous the way drugs do and smokers can keep functioning for decades. Also, the cigarette industry is an established part of economy and produce tax money, so that it is very difficult to terminate it. However, efforts toward changes necessary for public health have been made in the past. Coal was replaced by oil, which is cleaner than coal, and now oil is being replaced by much cleaner energy sources. Cigarettes themselves were a replacement, advocated by the government, for chewing tobacco, which was found to be contributing to the transmission of tuberculosis through saliva spat on the ground by the users. When the public health is at risk, the government should and can take measures.

Society is ultimately to be totally smoke-free to protect the health of citizens, especially younger generations, although care should be taken for smokers and those involved in the industry.